Whether there is a key to family happiness?
we Will begin the answer with statistics. It is extremely bitter: the institute of a family suffers crash around the world. In Russia, according to sociologists, about 50% of marriages break up. And the peak of rastorzheniye of marriages drops out on age from 18 to 35 years. That is very best age of love and blossoming of the human person.
Means, at this magnificent age thousands of young Russians are engaged not in love, creativity and construction of the warm house, but dismantling and stains. According to psychologists, you will not envy their state. As both the man, and the woman - in the course of divorce - “are lost, suppressed, inevitably endure a stress, lose faith in people, are depressed“.
Besides, from - for our Russian sluggishness and conscientiousness, the husband, the wife the final decision for years cannot make, immersing itself and a family in painful chaos and pain. They do not trust psychologists (only 4,9% asked for the help them). And, as a rule, the woman looks for support at mother (75,8%), the man runs behind support to friends (51,8%).
What advice at the same time they get? “Arrive as you want“ (66,9%); “get divorced“ (40%); “try to change the behavior“ (21,6%); “think of children“ (14,7%). At the same time mother will unconditionally support the daughter, and friends - the dear friend, with all the heart approving his divorce. And, actually, that they can tell another? If, by results of research rossiysko - the American sociologists, 45% of women (from 706 respondents) and 22% of men (from 696), living in marriage - “think of divorce“. That is the one who did not divorce, going to divorce yet.
Then divorce - in consciousness of many and many people - becomes an exit if not fortunately, then from misfortune. By the way, such consciousness actively began to be fed with some latest psychotherapeutic theories. In which marriage acts as “the crazy imagination“ to unite two “I“ in uniform “we“. “The destroying uniqueness of the personality“.
With similar support there is nothing to be surprised that the curve of stains grows. That already millions of women - men for luck do not risk to pin the hopes on a family. That children grow in the torn apart families, absorbing desolate, and even dreadful family experience. That 30% of all of the children born last year gave rise single mothers.
The loneliness becomes norm. In brackets can be noticed: norm dangerous. And already many psychiatrists warn that the loneliness is capable to kill the person quicker than smoking and alcohol.
Well and what is offered for marriage strengthening by psychologists, sociologists, demographers, social analysts? They, generally depict a problem. Analyze, than patriarchal models of marriage from European, and detotsentristsky differ from post-modern. Carefully put, compare and subtract percent. Create methods of psychological assistance getting divorced. Group and individual. Prove the reasons for which people disperse.
Alas! It will be acquaintances everything the reasons: incompatibility of characters, a sexual dissatisfaction, marital infidelity, economic independence of the woman, increased requirements to the partner, orientation to personal happiness, rashness at the choice of the partner, and even total absence of any idea of it. As it is witty noticed by one lady: “… At first they will imagine god knows that. And then marry it“.
At the same time. Many of scientists and furthermore the judges already tired of stains, unanimously meet that the most widespread - and indestructible! - one will be the cause of a rupture of family chains: not on - - ma - et!
Does not understand!
the Woman does not understand the man.
The man does not understand the woman.
About they are running away from each other - both shout with identical pain and hatred.
There is also the most important question: and why, actually, does not understand?
Yes therefore, the science answers that it cannot understand. Cannot!
As proof to it scientists of the Manchester and Turin universities, having examined 10 thousand respondents, created psychological portraits of the man and woman. Men on these portraits: “more dominantna, are utilitarian, constrained, vigilant, is sane and are emotionally stable“. Women: “are trustful and warm in the relations, are inclined to honoring of authorities, sensitively and emotionally react to a situation“. A conclusion of scientists the is as follows: man and the woman behave “very much differently“. “Almost like different types“.
It is more of that. Ancient wisdom, knowing laws of the nature, confirms these scientific researches. The woman and the man, she says, these are natural contrasts, plus and minus from different spiritual roots of the universe. And here, on the earth, they will never understand each other if do not rise over the nature. For the sake of joint - high - the purposes.
By the way, wise men, only in a family and the woman explain to us, and the man can find this purpose, understand this purpose, desire this purpose and - without suppressing either itself, or the partner - to unite for its achievement. Only in a family! Improving in this mutual sensitive partnership imperishable “I“.
And if to translate language of wise men on semeyno - everyday, then it will turn out that the family for this purpose and is necessary to the person that natural opposition between the man and the woman roused them to peer each other, to understand, add and build - the harmonious relations. To connect plus and minus in a whole. In a name - children. And all future life.
Then a key to family happiness - in hands of the person. We just do not know about it. Because - are not curious. Are not patient. We do not look for it.
But who wants to find - try.
And, perhaps, the curve of stains in Russia will stop, and even will fall. Before power of desire of the person - to build happiness. Both not separately man`s and female. And happiness - together. Present. When from 18 to 35 years of people are engaged not in dismantling, vessels, mental hospitals, but love and creativity of life.