Rus Articles Journal

How to live in harmony with itself? We get rid of the children`s All complexes

heard about a role of children`s injuries, fears and complexes. But whether those facts from the childhood which seem absolutely insignificant now are not too overestimated and remembered hardly?

Or all - children`s impressions so influence our personality what all life we subconsciously act under the direction of these impressions?

Honestly I admit, I not strongly trusted in these psychological miracles - “remember the unpleasant moment from the past and change to it the relation / think up other succession of events / smile and understand that everything was as it should be“.

And then unexpectedly - unexpectedly itself remembered the episode from the childhood which very negatively affected my relationship with an opposite sex, predetermined my mistakes, created my rake on which I stepped till the most recent time.

Years from 15-16 I could not understand in any way that for a misfortune to me there is every time, once I fall in love. I will be extremely sociable, kind and lovely with all, except object of my passion. I will hide by hook or by crook the interest, and I answer all attempts of the young man to give up me communication sharply, I offend and I make further contact impossible.

If in a tineydzherstvo it is possible to call such strange behavior amusing, then is closer to years to 20 - ti it began to look like pathology. I was not delighted with own nonsense, but could do nothing, it was higher than me.

And somehow time absolutely incidentally recured an episode from the childhood to the memory. I was 5 years old, I for the first time in life fell in love with the charming boy madly similar to Justin Timberlake. Artyom was more senior than me, it was 12-13 years old. I with naive and silly frankness peculiar to me stirred up the secret to girlfriends. And suddenly - does not pass also hour as these “zmeyuk“ call me to “Justin Timberlake“ and at the big company of adults and children ask: “And the truth that you fell in love in Artyom?“.

And all around, giggling, look at me, as at the clown. The only feeling which I then had, - burning shame before all people around, in front of Artyom to which I then seemed the krugloshchyoky peanut. I was does not know all this, I only remembered in depth of the consciousness or subconsciousness: it is a shame and it is wrong. In hope though somehow to rehabilitate itself I, of course, denied everything and with a shame escaped as the little girl who I, actually, and was.

Since then, without wishing that, I put idea in the unfortunate offended brain that to be in someone a lover - means to be made a fun. And least of all it is worth counting on reciprocity.

Poor children to whom I did not leave then uniform chance, humiliating, offending, and deriding, and could not think that it was my protective reaction that in the adult world I tried to shift the shame to their shoulders, deriding them as in the childhood derided me.

In life I could not think that such episode from the early childhood will influence so strongly and constantly me, the adult, reasonable person. It is bad to influence, preventing me to build the relations.

The problem is that when we small, hardly estimate objectivity of the events. We entirely trust own feelings and feelings. And if we test awkwardness or shame where it is worth laughing, - nobody, alas, will help us.

On own experience I can precisely tell - nobody will help you as you can help yourself. If you have problems in behavior, complexes and difficulties in manifestation of, communication with people around, first of all ask yourself a question: what could serve as the reason of similar behavior? Remember similar episodes from life, you will not reach to very first and as it will appear, the brightest and significant in the future yet. Such things are given not at once and hardly.

The most important - with themselves be extremely frank, be not afraid of anything. Believe - sooner or later you remember that “fatal“ moment which defined your problem behavior and perception of the world in the future.

As soon as you will find “root of all evil“, try quietly, from height of the lived years, from the point of view of objectivity and common sense to define what then so strongly touched you, offended. Explain to yourself that your fault was not in that “shameful“ situation, understand and accept. Visually it looks as if you today`s talked to yourself - the child in that situation, classified to yourself all and drew the correct conclusion.

If at your family there was a violence - the father raised a hand against mother or someone from parents raised a hand against you, you need to understand that a problem not in you, but in the one who so behaved. Regret your offender and you are proud that with advantage all tests took out.

From any experience it is necessary to take positive conclusions.

It is very important not to be afraid to glance in eyes to the children`s fears. In whatever difficult situation you were, now everything is normal also within your powers to change itself, having changed the relation to children`s “injuries“.

You do not keep heavy memoirs in yourself, share them with people close to you, it is very important to feel understanding and support.

And the last - it is not necessary to be afraid that in adulthood long fears will overtake you. Otherwise so it will also occur. I have a girlfriend who was in the childhood a witness to fatherly despotic behavior - he raised a hand against mother and was a tyrant in relation to it. All the life she most of all was afraid that in her family there will be the same. What do you think? As soon as it entered the serious relations, in one of quarrels the young man raised a hand against it too. The terrible children`s nightmare because she intuitively perceived all men as a violence source came true. But it is necessary to understand also problems of men who behave so owing to vital circumstances.

Perhaps it makes sense to look at such situation under the following corner - if to me on the way such unbalanced men meet, maybe, in my forces to help them to change?

You remember, life is so short that if all the time to concentrate on bad, its negative aspects, then and life will not be, the continuous gloom will turn out. If you appreciate the life, then you love it, be not afraid any its manifestations.

You remember - time you appeared on this light, it means not incidentally, you are worthy much and have to give something to the world in exchange.