FATHERLY “LOVE“ of
Presently incomplete families and children which grow in them - do not surprise anybody. An era of children, ignorant fathers, and a time span of those who did not show the fatherly feelings. Many of them will never meet with each other, will not glance each other in eyes, and will not tell the most important words. But there are stories when fathers and children everything are many years later meet. Exception to the rules. Whether but with the happy end?
Lyudmila was brought up by mother. When the daughter was seven years old, and she at last asked the rhetorical question “where my father?“, the intelligent and educated woman just could not tell lies, looking in children`s trustful eyes, and told the truth. “You have no father.“ The sensitive child felt maternal pain in a voice and promised himself, any more not to ask mother about the father. But Lyudmila`s peers were not such sensitive. The poor girl regularly suffered attacks of schoolmates and somehow to protect herself, for the first time lay to herself and others. “I have a father, just he is far and when it arrives, will show all of you ….“ Likely then the dream arose in the children`s head, to find the father. Or dream that the father will find it. And together with dream the first children`s complex which will leave a mark for the rest of life of Lyudmila was born.
The girl grew, matured. Behind there was a school with hated schoolmates who even on final did not forget that Lyudmila`s father did not come to congratulate the daughter on leaving school. Lyudmila in 18 years married. No, a shortcoming in parental (in the Lyudmiliny case - maternal) she did not feel love. Lyudmila`s mother devoted selflessly the life to the daughter, without having arranged the private life. The girl was always surrounded with maternal love and care. Just she tried to find the father in the husband who was more senior than it for 7 years, tried to compensate that not the prosperity of fatherly attention and heat which is not received it in the childhood.
Marriage was not successful. Not the first, not the second, not third. Lyudmilina husbands, despite rather not early age, persistently did not want cares for it and to love it strong, fatherly love. Instead they required attention and care to themselves. Probably they were not dolyubit in the childhood too. Together with disappointment in the spouses, Lyudmila had on hands 2 daughters. She as nobody else understood how girls need fatherly love. The fourth marriage was not far off. Running forward, I want to tell that this time Lyudmila and her daughters were lucky, the husband was the loving and careful father. At last in Lyudmila`s house family wellbeing set in.
All these years, the love to the father of the little girl Luda (which it on - essences remained, despite the lived years and bitter experience) underwent metamorphoses. The nursery unconditional, it turned in youthful doubting, and eventually the young woman stepped over that side which separates love with hatred. She began to hate the father. It was guilty in it not died. And if earlier the dream was to find to love, then now everything became differently. To hate. And to revenge. This person did not deserve another.
Lyudmila 20 years later the second time asked the mother “where my father?“ And just now, she at last learned as it though - would call.
Searches did not promise to be lungs - He (Lyudmila promised to call NEVER him the father) lived in other country, mother did not communicate with it from the moment of the daughter`s birth, and did not know where to look for it. To find the person knowing only the country where he lived 27 years ago, date of birth and a surname, a name and a middle name moreover holding an old photo 30 - ti summer prescription? It seemed impossible.
But impossible for Lyudmila was not. It set the purposes and did everything that to achieve them. Absence of his love made it such, strong and rigid. Otherwise not to survive.
Embassy, fortunetellers, Wait for Me broadcast. On searches 2 years left. But she was able to wait. And when everything would already seem, not to find, good luck gave a gift. Lyudmila entered his name in search of the computer. Pressed to look for. And in several seconds from the screen of the blinking monitor watched His face at it. Everything coincided and years not strongly changed it. It was It. “Father!!!!!!!“ - the little girl Luda joyfully cried, big Lyudmila only crookedly smiled. He was a big person with great opportunities.
It found it, his family (it appears it had a brother and the sister), his address and phone. Wrote the letter in which told that it has a daughter and left the phone number. Will call or not?
A week later, phone rang out, having seen a foreign code on a board, at once understood who calls. How many times for all the 27 years it represented its voice, those first words which will pronounce, and now heart foully knocked and the head was empty. “Hallo ….“
was Then their first conversation. Big Lyudmila retreated into the shadow, and little Lyudochka, without umolka said about how to it it was bad all these years without It. He was nervous too. And on the question “why did not look for“, answered what was a shame. And it was painful to me, Lyudmila thought. “I so lacked you … …“ In reply He kept silent. With pride told about the children, about their higher educations. “And to me, except 2 daughters, and 4 marriages, nothing is praised more, there is no education and life easy was not - everything had to try to obtain most“. “You do not harbor malice against me?“ - He asked. Here it is that boundary which not to bypass. “I do not hold, the main thing that will be farther and not that already was …“
I Lyudmila did not lie. Once again believed, trustfully opened the soul. Hatred left. Having rejected pain of last mistakes Lyudmila was ready to plunge into the ocean of fatherly attention and love. Justified before the court. Gave one more chance.
But the ocean of love and care was not. There was no elementary human attention. He wished Lyudmila happy birthday with delay for a week. And she so waited for it a call this autumn, gloomy day. Did not wait. When with offense in a voice, reported that congratulations were late “a little“, only “I in reply heard it seems mixed …“ And whether you confuse birthdays of the precious children? There was no wish to think of it for some reason.
Foreign It, having lulled the sense of guilt and having convinced that it is not damned began to call less frequently. And those rare minutes of their communication spoke about himself, the problems at work, the own children and grandsons more. Lyudmila did not hear treasured “The daughter how she is to you?“ There were only calls by big holidays and the promise to arrive - loudly hung in mid-air.
They and remained foreign people.
About the person who presented it life, Lyudmila prefers not to remember and not to speak. Cares for mother and with gratitude looks it in the face. And having only remained alone with itself, the strong and rigid woman understands that behind such simple words “there is no father“ all pain of its many vital mistakes, numerous marriages not with those, offenses and tears disappears.
And foreign father? To it and the second chance appeared a little.
There is a wish to write to end, do not throw those to whom you are so necessary. The echo of your act will sound all life.