How to be protected from verbal offense?
Offensive words trap us daily and in different places - from the house and shop before work and park of rest. It is interesting what is frequent - when we least of all are ready to it (a family lunch and even birthday). In many places and the companies such style of communication begins to become nearly “norm“.
Verbal offenses are so various that do not give in to any classification. It and “easy“, daily pricks and “tricks“, and such when for offense darkens in eyes and loudly knocks in temples. Sometimes words give just insensibility. For example, having got up courage, the son tells parents that he was left by the wife, and in reply hears: “Long it gathered, you will meet a lot more women“.
It is considered that in a family we are psychologically protected. And in practice relatives tell each other it that they would never tell the stranger, often adding to a justification: “You know, I tell it because I love you and you - my close. To whom else can I tell it?“. And on objections sincerely are perplexed. There are also veiled insults which are called “constructive criticism“ though they have no relation to it. It is easy to recognize them by the accompanying phrases, it as “I hope, I can speak with you as with the clever person“ or “I tell it for your advantage“. It turns out that we have to admire nearly “frankness“ of this person and estimate his “care“ while you hardly recover and you look for soothing.
Fortunately, there are several ways to reflect such attack, without having dropped own advantage. If you sometime become object of criticism, try to use them.
1. Try to understand. It is in words very simple. The one who criticizes others often is overflowed with offense and irritation. If you do not understand what actually disturbs the person who offended you, ask him about it. You remember: the offense actually is not always intended personally to you.
For example, the shop assistant is rude to you not because you were not pleasant to her - just she was just thrown by darling. The driver, “cutting“ you, does not wish to annoy specially - he hurries to the sick child. Pass it forward, support. Trying to understand those whose words painfully touch you, you will easier transfer offense.
2. Analyse told. Sometimes psychologists suggest to spread out the remark which offended you to parts and to answer unexpressed reproach, without falling in a position of a victim. For example, having heard a remark: “If you loved me, you would grow thin“, it is possible to answer: “And how long and why you decided that I do not love you?“.
3. Turn to the offender “the person in a face“. is Often helped by simple frankness. Try to relieve the tension, for example, a question: “You for some reason need to offend me?“ or “You understand how your words can be apprehended?“. Still it is possible to ask the person to explain sense of the remark: “What do you mean?“ or “I want to understand whether correctly I understood you?“
4. Humour. Several examples. Classical - one woman happened to hear: “You have a new skirt? In my opinion, upholster with such fabric chairs“. She did not become puzzled and answered: “Well, sit down to me on knees“. Other woman all life jealously watches purity in the house and once finds in the daughter a web in a corner. The daughter answered the question “It that It?“: “I make important scientific experiment“. And then told something from ancient mythology about Arakhna`s thread and still something. The conflict went out, without having been born. The witty answer will help you to cope practically with any offensive words.
5. Think up a conventional sign - “anchor“. the husband not just criticized One woman, but by all means - in public. Then she began to carry with herself a pile of disposable handkerchiefs and every time when the husband told it something offensive, pretended that she wipes a nose. Eventually, the spouse got rid of the bad habit. Minus - the preliminary arrangement in a quiet state and, perhaps, not once is necessary.
6. Try not to object. Just agree with everything. If the wife speaks: “It seems to me, you grew stout kilograms on ten, the road“, answer: “If to be exact, then on twelve“. The remark is strong so as far as ourselves allocate it with force. Agreeing, we disarm the forward.
7. Ignoring. it is difficult Too, but is effective. Listen to the remark, tell yourself what it at the wrong door, and forget. Ability to forgive - one of the major abilities which help to survive. If you are not quite ready to forgive - let know that the remark is heard, but the answer will not be. Look for work professional at a press - secretaries. Anyway the offender will become much more careful. Or pretend to be as if to you it is uninteresting. Blink, yawn and turn away. People do not take out when they are considered boring.
8. Add 10%. to you will never manage to protect completely and everywhere itself from offensive remarks. So be protected if you consider it necessary, but think also:
- in 10% of cases it turns out that the thing bought by you in other place costs cheaper;
- the thing which you borrowed someone comes back to 10% of cases to you damaged;
- in 10% of cases even the best friend can tell something, without having thought, and then to regret about told.
The easiest to assume that people try to arrive as it is possible better, and many just do not realize as their behavior affects others. It is constant to hold the fort, to prove the case and “to shoot back“ - too tiresomely.
There is a remarkable parable. When some person offended Buddha, that told: “My son, if someone refuses to accept a gift to whom it then belongs?“ “To the one who gives“, - this person answered. “And so, - Buddha continued, - I refuse to accept your offensive words“.
In the world there are a lot of people who humiliate others to ego-trip. Do not accept an insult, even when you shower with them. It you will remove nervously - mental tension, strengthen the relations with people around and you will just make the life more joyful.