What is covered behind jealousy?
Usually we do not think that under jealousy the most different feelings and feelings can disappear. The list of jealous is infinite, and for each person in his concrete history it will be individual, with emphasis on this or that experience.
Perhaps, the main of them are, in - the first, rage - from irritation to fierce hatred, and in - the second, fear - from easy alarm to a panic state.
Rage as natural reaction arises when the behavior of the partner does not meet our expectations or inflicts suffering, or leaves from - under control. Both the easy irritation, and hostility, and disappointment, indignation and indignation, anger and hostility, rage and exasperation, desire to revenge for change or imaginary treachery belongs to its category.
The fear appears when jealous is afraid to lose to the potential rival (competitor), to be less worthy it or to be thrown, rejected by the second half, to remain alone or to lose the power over another, to lose something significant in the relations, to lose the person, important for himself. It can be doubts in own value or fidelity of another, fear of disappointment in themselves, alarm of uncertainty, fear of treachery, horror of change.
Besides, for jealousy there is typical a condition of suspicion, mistrust, frustration, experience of offense, disappointments, the offended vanity, humiliation, grief, bitterness. And the fact of the taken place change is absolutely optional to the last. There is enough representation in imagination of the estimated unpleasant fact or rupture of the relations as in soul the grief and depression creeps in.
American psychotherapist A. Louen emphasizes that suspicions and love are incompatible. The belief, trust provides the free and strong course of energy of love: belief - a condition of openness which will allow a love impulse to proceed freely on a body.
Sometimes jealous suffers sense of guilt or shame - for the destructive feelings, suspicions of darling, and also as a result of feeling of loss, a failure against the imaginary or real rival.
The hope which is periodically replaced by despair, the clarity alternating with uncertainty, feeling of omnipotence and powerlessness - too ordinary satellites of jealousy.
The feelings which had at the same time are reflection internal (and external) disharmonies, and an image of the rival (or competitors) are our own inaccessible “I“, i.e. the ideal drawn by our imagination. According to B. Johnson, the jealous person in soul would wish to be no more not less as god for a subject of the love.
Elder sister of jealousy is envy . Analysts consider that envy is the negative feeling arising when other person possesses and enjoys something desirable to me. Envy is as if directed to selecting or spoiling it. So, Shakespearean Othello fell the victim of hotly his hating envious person Iago. Iago envies situation and Othello`s opportunities, and also his happiness with Desdemona. Therefore he seeks to install jealous doubts in Othello`s soul, finding an outlet and the perverted satisfaction in a show of falling of the rival.
In general envy means the relations between two people. The jealousy is based on envy, but includes the relations of three people; “it is anxious with that love which the person feels the privilege and which the third party - his rival selects or threatens to select. The jealousy is afraid to lose that it has; envy worries, seeing that someone has what wants to be had most“ (M. Klein), including both some opportunities, and a freedom of choice, and freedom to be oneself.
In ordinary idea of jealousy the man or the woman feel that someone another deprives of them the loving person. Thus it turns out that is jealous - does not mean loves, and is jealous - means is afraid to lose the one who loves. According to the same Benjamin Johnson, not then the person is jealous when he loves and when wants to be darling.