What I am capable of or How the child`s self-assessment is formed?
Are unconditional, our self-assessment is formed by our parents. If at parents the self-assessment is underestimated and they trust each other a little, then they will expect that their child will raise their self-assessment, will be continuation their and compensates those shortcomings which as they consider, they have.
Complexity consists that thus they just do not give to the child of other exit how to accept that role which execution they expect from it. Children are not blank clean sheets, they are born with already certain inclinations, and very often these inclinations differ from those with which the nature of their parents awarded. The desire to survive all in the ways available to the child at the moment is congenital.
In infancy the child can survive only by means of care of the parents therefore within the first year of life the child adapts the behavior so that his need for food, caress, care and love was most satisfied.
At the same time the importance of these requirements for the child goes in the following order: the need for food and heat is on the first place; when this requirement is satisfied, the need for physical presence of mother appears, the relations per se become necessary for it. And for this purpose the child learns to influence on people around, their reactions. He intuitively understands what type of crying draws attention of his mother most effectively and when in the field of his sight the father appears, he quickly learns to show the special reactions making impact on it.
A bit later the child begins to structure the world surrounding him, by means of language he learns to distinguish objects of this world, and by means of reactions of the parents he learns to distinguish good from bad in this world. Soon after in the same way child absorbs from the parents the attitude towards itself as it has a need to estimate itself in two aspects: as the person something able and as the person belonging to this or that floor.
It makes idea of itself(himself) as about the capable personality (i.e. as about the person who is capable to take care of himself) how his growing is estimated by his parents. At the same time it is possible to consider that the parent recognizes the child`s growing when he verbally notes existence of this growing, gives to the child more and more opportunities to show and train the new abilities arising at it as it grows and develops.
It does not occur if parents do not know or do not see achievement of their child on each of stages or do it not in due time, it can be from - for illiteracy of the parent and not knowledge of elementary fundamentals of psychology of development - at what age at the child these or those skills are formed. Or if parents expect very much from the child - wait for behavior eight-year-old when he is only five years old.
In other words that recognition of abilities of the child was effective for it, it has to correspond to needs, abilities and the readiness of the child. At the same time the form of the message has to be clear, direct and certain - in such form the child will apprehend it and will accept.
At the same time it it is very important to develop ability to cope and find harmony between the needs, requirements of parents and requirements of a situation in the child. It can be indignant, be dissatisfied with restrictions or rules, but acceptance of restrictions and studying of rules is too part of a growing which gives it the experience, most important in life, - acceptance on itself responsibility.
If the parent does not recognize ability of the child or at the wrong time expresses the recognition, the child has problems at integration of this ability. It remains fragmentary aspect “unimportant me“ or “inadequate me“, or “secret me“. What will also form further base for development of the underestimated self-assessment.