Severe criticism: how adequately to react?
Advance forward in any business are impossible without criticism. The criticism gives information on what needs to be corrected, improved in the work. And if we develop the correct relation to criticism, we will be able to be improved and achieve success.
It is simple to tell - not easy to make. As a rule, the criticism causes sharp rejection. The criticizing party risks to run into embitternment. And the criticized party catches itself on desire to snap.
Why does that happen? Let`s understand.
By my experience, the criticism happens two types:
According to the name it becomes clear at once that constructive criticism - most “useful“ , from the point of view of aspiration to improvements. Constructive criticism gives the point of view only about the discussed product, with concrete amendments, arguments and offers for improvements. Such criticism has the right to be perceived sensibly. In such criticism cannot and there should not be conflicts.
If you as the critic, made the quiet adequate and sensible amendments having the right to be called constructive, and in reply received offenses, do not undertake them. It means, the author of the creation is not ready to improvements yet. These are the author`s problems, but not yours.
Emotional criticism - the most conflict and, moreover, absolutely not constructive. The one who acts as the critic often tests envy, rage, a dissatisfaction with own works. And its feelings find a splash in “dirt pouring out“ on another, the one who, in his opinion, reached something bigger, the best or bears threat to its works. And the critic often does not realize own feelings. It just angry and all. Naturally, its “wishes“ cannot bring absolutely any improvements.
As a rule, all ways “prick“ of the author are involved in emotional criticism, “to revenge“ him. Will be put to use: transition on the personality, discussion of the biography, a complaint different epithets, an okhaivaniye of all creations and this work. Nothing constructive is told, any concrete amendments is made. But there are many estimates, categories, diagnoses. Often offensive, not having under themselves the sensible soil. Naturally, such criticism does not lead to improvements. And emergence of the conflict will be mutual responsibility. Criticizing it was moved on the painful feelings, and criticized could not take out test of “popularity“.
We will consider criticism from a position of criticized. If you always painfully react to criticism, it is an occasion to understand yourself.
Reasons of painful reaction to criticism :
1. Uncertainty in. Low self-assessment . You already do not believe in yourself, and also from outside speak to you about “bad“ result. It is enough in general to cease to aspire to something. What for? And so everything is bad.
2. Orientation to an external assessment . You cannot objectively treat the work, but there is a strong wish to make something good. And from outside instead of opinion about “horoshest“ of your work you receive criticism. In such perception there is no golden mean. All or “black“ - bad, or “white“ - good. Among different words only “bad“ will be heard. And from there will be an offense and disappointment.
3. Requirement to be necessary, need for approval and support . Follows and is crossed with two previous points. It is natural if there is no internal feeling in necessity and value of the works, then any statement will be perceived “in bayonets“. Because the criticism does not bear in itself confirmation of your necessity and usefulness.
All these moments concern only constructive criticism. If in you is though a droplet of need for approval, in support etc., then you are not capable to apprehend adequately the most sensible criticism on light. And you just did not grow to emotional criticism. Because the emotional criticism arises on those works which already achieved certain success. With uncertainty in himself it is not necessary to speak about success.
We will consider ways of the sensible relation to emotional criticism. As I already told
, emotional criticism the most useless and the most painful. Here just self-confidence you will not help. The boundless love to people is necessary for sensible perception . Understanding of their reaction and forgiveness. Acceptance of the malignancy directed to itself as inevitability. Acceptance of the evil with good. For such perception it is necessary to be open, not to become reserved, not to be closed. But at the same time to be merciful. For development of such relation it is necessary to be filled infinitely with heat to people.
Besides, met emotional criticism will not prevent a few “to cool“ “greatness“ . It is clear, that certain tops are already reached. But there is one regularity: the more you reached, the easier for to get a false idea much and the it is heavier to dump yourself from the thought-up tops. Life teaches us: do not put on airs.
Allow other people to be mistaken. Allow other people to have the, excellent point of view even if categorical. Each of us makes the choice: to follow the tastes the shortcomings or to overcome them. Let it will be a personal record of everyone. As they say, “you do not teach us to live“.
If you were puzzled with the purpose to turn a look of the emotional critic on yourself (instead of to blame you for the failures or doubts), you need to reach a condition of full tranquility and indifference. In it, a “transparent“ state, without vanity, on a gut feeling, you will be able to react the sharp word where it is necessary. In conversation set a grief - criticism specific questions, regarding discussed business. You give examples, specify each detail. Sooner or later with such approach you will achieve “proofs“ of its wrongfulness. The criticism initially was not constructive therefore on business the interlocutor has nothing to tell. On it you “will also “catch“ it.
But your “triumph“ should not be triumph. To you has to be all the same.
Good luck and progress to you in your works!