Who “sits at us on the head“ or How to fight against manipulators? Part 1
Cynically using against us our best traits of character - responsiveness, kindness, conscientiousness - the person - the manipulator forces us to do that it is necessary for it and when it needs it, is frequent to the detriment of our interests.
The understanding that you were used is late, moreover, if manipulation was successful, you will be tried not to be released and to exploit dexterously as long as it is possible.
Who can fall a victim of the manipulator? Yes anyone.
It is the simplest to manipulate not self-assured people with excessively expressed feeling of alarm or responsibility. But also absolutely self-assured persons can appear on a hook. It is simpler “to dare“ them. Greed, fear, vanity, jealousy, laziness, inability to critically estimate reality - here baits on which manipulators catch the victim.
Among them come across both fans, and professionals are the people earning a living by fraud. The most egregious examples of a manipulation people - their involvement in various sects, the religious organizations for the purpose of enslavement and a vymanivaniye at them material values.
In life of people - manipulators often call power vampires. And it is right as they provoke in us negative emotions, in the course of prosecution of own purposes parasitizing on us.
How to distinguish the manipulator? What does it differ from the swindler in?
The swindler has the specific material goal: to entice at the victim it is as much as possible money, it is possible at one time, is possible several for and to disappear. Therefore the swindler speaks to the victim about its problems. Obviously false promises of a fast profit, eternal love, the simple solution of serious problems are used.
The manipulator purpose - also the solution of its problems, personal benefit, but not always the direct profit, is rather a receiving unilaterally the help, sometimes material.
The manipulator is egocentric. Not important, he advertizes the achievements, extols himself or speaks about himself in self-pejorative tone. It will attach all attention to own person, “overacting“ and involving you in the solution of questions about which even closer, true friends usually do not even tell you.
At the manipulator the critical attitude towards itself is poorly developed. The “wrong“, cruel world around which has to change and adapt under the manipulator, and not vice versa is guilty of all problems! Even if the criticism also sounds in the address, it either is formal, or is exaggerated.
The manipulator is ungrateful. Everything that you for it made, will be taken for granted. But it all the same will be insufficiently: you made either a little, or not so, or without due respect, diligence and pleasure.
The manipulator - the good actor, his insincerity it is very difficult to distinguish in practice! But gives it one devil, designated by the word “too“. It is too talkative, emotional, we will wound, is defenseless, helpless, vostorzhen. Such behavior still call demonstrative. At the same time usual everyday situations against which each person in everyday life comes up, appeal at the manipulator the mass of difficult experiences which it shares with people around! Any trifle can cause pathos, grandiloquent criticism to “guilty person“ or cold, contemptuous silence.
In relation to you the manipulator can be in different positions. “From above“ - the chief, the parent, the teacher. “From below“ - children, subordinates. “As equals“ - spouses, acquaintances, colleagues.
For example, the chief who depreciates you as the professional. The purpose - not to allow to grow on service and in a salary, covering own misses as manager, to force to leave. You are blamed for absence of enthusiasm and ambition, but at the same time continue to charge tasks which are beyond your official duties and which other employees including he have to carry out.
With spouses clear. Without wishing to buy by the wife the new dress, the husband - the miser says that on such awful figure it will be good to look a cover on the tank. Children in response to the requirement to normally eat, do homework or to observe a day regimen declare: “You do not love me!“
Not always in manipulation attempt underestimate your self-assessment. More “thin natures“ use flattery, hint at tempting prospects, wonderful events and so forth. It is the most difficult when family members try to manipulate with each other.
Then the house from smooth water turns into a zone of cold war where the trust between the closest people is lost!