Rus Articles Journal

Melodies of mobile phones. What will they tell about the owner?

Ah, these bewitching, these magic sounds! They pursue us everywhere - in the markets and in boutiques, in the museums and at stadiums, at restaurants and bars, in limousines and in the subway … To speak in any case if somehow in a steam room of a public bath, to the accompaniment of brooms, I heard “The Turkish march“ of Mozart! Who brought the mobile phone in a steam room, I did not know though I guessed that it is the former military who is nowadays owning fashionable boutique in the Izmaylovsky market.

How I guessed? Well the fact that in mobile only the military can have a march it is clear, and “Turkish“ … In the Izmaylovsky market it is difficult to find the non Turkish thing in boutiques if only to you very much carries and you buy the Chinese. In general, about the person it is possible to recognize a lot of things by a melody of the mobile phone, beginning from his profession and finishing with secret addictions. It is strange that neither competent authorities, nor psychologists still became interested in it.

For example, you come back home late at night and suddenly from darkness hear “Our service and is dangerous and difficult …“ performed by mobile. Be not frightened and safely go further - it is only the bandits or killers waiting the victim, you to them are uninteresting. And here if you it is informed of “Murk“ or “Taganka“, be careful, these are militiamen, and they, as we know, have financial interest in everything that tries to pass by them.

At priests mobile play melodies from repertoire of “Beatles“, prostitutes prefer “The blue moon“ of Borya Moiseyev, souteneurs take tubes under east tunes, representatives of sexual minorities love songs Pugachyova, and students of conservatories Tender May group. At the hidden alcoholics mobile are played by a melody which played and upon purchase - they have no time to download - to pump over, put much; workers of registry offices in honor at grave-diggers have mourning melodies, on the contrary, cheerful and fervent songs. That is will marry you under the requiem, and to bury under “Chunga - to Chiang“. Some wisdom, by the way, in it is.

At the advanced youth Tsoi, at settling - Dima Bilan is killed into mobile. At Dima Bilan in mobile Dima Bilan sounds too. And if you are engaged in business and at your business partner mobile does not call, and tells something type: “The owner black BMW, take the call!“, it is better not to deal with this person because any he has no BMW. It has nothing, except the receiver at all. At solid businessmen in phones plays the anthem of the Champions League for calls from friends, the Anthem of Russia for colleagues on business, the Anthem of Ukraine for the mistress and Dima Malikov for the wife because “she there from the TV wrote down it“.

Masyani`s laughter is hammered into phones of the same morons, as well as itself (?) Masyanya, low of cows is preferred for some reason by drivers of trolleybuses, a roar of donkeys - drivers of minibuses, and a sound of the taking-off plane - long-distance truck drivers. At 15 - summer girls everything is simple - how many numbers, are so much also melodies, and all from repertoire of Fabrika group. At 16 - summer it is already more difficult - “Factory“ remained for the first love, for the present boy - “Vladimir Prison“, for parents Kuzmin, for girlfriends Zemfira, “well and still there melodies forty, I already also forgot about them“.

Absolutely everything is simple at oligarchs - they have 10 devices and everyone at the time of a call speaks by well trained voice of the famous actor: “Kremlin“, “Tax“, “Prosecutor`s office“, “Chief of a pre-trial detention center“ etc. Officials of the top management the same, only have one more phone, cheap - at work gave out. They try not to get it even if he occasionally calls. Therefore in the country there are no drugs, planes fall, pensions do not give out - will not phone to anybody.

And if the person has 25 phones and all call differently, then this person not the superoligarch and even not Abramovich. This is the thief - the pickpocket and he has a successful day. Abramovich has, by the way, one device and in it four melodies - one for the President of Russia, the second for future President of Russia, the third for the ex-wife and the fourth - for future. Football players and Chukchi, for economy, call him on city.

At Zhirinovsky own performance on meeting, at Luzhkov, certainly - “Moscow is hammered into phone it! Bells … call“, and Kuklachyov`s phone constantly shouts by a bad cat`s voice. Badly to Israelis - they have all over the country two melodies: “Seven - forty“ and “Hava Nagila“. At one Jew will ring out, the half-country grabs tubes. In Zimbabwe on the contrary, all over the country two phones, both and both do not work for the Leader because were discharged, and he in a hostel forgot “charging“ when he in Russia studied.

Ksenia Sobchak has 14 tubes - under boots, under a raincoat, under an evening dress with pastes, under an evening dress without pastes, under pastes without dress, and the melody depends on darling - in the evening the Lezgian, since morning - the African tomtoms, by a lunch - hockey march, in an hour - songs of the world performed by chorus Turkish.

At my wife phone plays “Rolling Stounz“ though she is sure that it is Korni group. The Korni group, however, too is sure that it plays as “Rolling Stounz“ …

We with the wife, by the way, somehow went to theater, to “Hamlet“, and during a performance of 14 times listened to a melody from “Bumer“, 7 - just something from repertoire of these “Roots“, 4 times Kobzon sang about moments, the subject from “Godfather“ and 37 times the song “We Do Not Need the Coast Turkish …“ sounded twice. Having drawn a conclusion that in the hall there are 14 middle managers, from them 7 with wives, four provincials, two owners of stalls and 37 fans to drink, I decided to check myself and at the exit from theater carried out opinion poll.

I was mistaken only in one - “We do not need the coast Turkish …“ played one phone, at Hamlet, and he as did not drink two weeks. And all performance the wife called him with checks, than he is engaged there - art to the people bears or in a pothouse tells jokes for hundred grams.

Mine yours faithfully looked at me, and “Roots“, in sense of “Rolling Stounz“, from phone cleaned. Now at it there Louis Amstrong though she thinks that it is Serdyuchka, just sings not in Russian …