Painfully, offensively, hard... How to endure offense? Recommendations of the expert of
When to us it is bad, it seems that there is nothing more terribly, and nobody to us tested such pain. We are under a cap of the offenses. Thoughts go a chain around, and their never-ending hubbub haunts us minutes. Here only it seems - distracted, smiled, the familiar song thought of something another and … again: “Well as it could?“ “For what to me all this?“
our ability to endure offenses depends on a way of thinking and on weight of a trauma which to us was caused by a situation. And on different people the same event makes different action even if they endured it in the same external conditions and at the same time.
The event does not matter, only what trauma it put you is important. What it was - death of the loved one, a rupture of the relations, treachery, an insult, humiliation, misunderstanding, non-recognition, ignoring, - an exit from each of these situations has uniform algorithm and the general laws “lags“.
Shock - the first that we test, having faced the event injuring us. We as though fade, we petrify and sharply we refuse to understand something. Or we perform some silly operations on “automatic machine“ at absence though approximate understanding of the events.
Denial is the second stage of passing of a trauma. “Is not present. It cannot be!“
Mind we, of course, understand that it occurred, but reconcile to this we cannot in any way. We live as though nothing occurred. As if we will wake up in the morning and all this will be a dream. We protect ourselves from any reminders on an event. Life as though stopped and stood in the one and only measurement “to“ .
In such state it is possible to exist for many years, living in the world of own illusions and fears.
Acceptance - very important stage of an exit from a trauma. Having accepted the fact of an event, without mitigation and prikras, we give ourselves the chance to move further.
“It occurred. There is no way back. And as earlier, any more will never be“.
we fall out Of a soft cocoon of illusions to the real world. Painfully. Terribly, but it is necessary.
Search guilty - to these we are engaged at once as soon as we accept the fact of the taken place event.
Depending on a usual way of the address with the world, we can:
To accuse of everything itself , infinitely analyzing the mistakes - in this case “îòãðåá¸ì“ sense of guilt, inferiority, unworthiness to live, loss of self-confidence and self-esteem.
To accuse them, its, its, all this world - we will receive aggression, revenge and rage.
Behind all these feelings there is an offense - whether on itself, whether on them.
There are technicians allowing to leave quicker a condition of offense. All of them are based by
on the principle - “pour out offense“.
Friends can utter infinitely and to relatives, for the hundred twenty fifth time scrolling same, every time anew combing wounds.
It is good if in an environment there is someone very patient and able to listen which would not warm up your emotions, but also would allow to state everything that became painful.
If this someone not the psychotherapist or personal kouch then to be long your “vest“ for him it will not be eco-friendly at all.
Also it is worth addressing professionals that the period of pronunciation passed quicker and easier.
It is possible not only to utter offense, but also to vykrichat it in anywhere . Having gone where - nibud in the field, to mountains. It is possible to vykrichat it, having included water on a gross head and to wash away in the sewerage.
Only do not take in head to utter to the reflection in a mirror!
There is the whole technology of invoicing of offense. It is based by
on writing of the message to the offender. The message should not be handed.
On a sheet of paper write the letter, since words: “I take offense at you for …“ Options: “I am angry with you for …“, “I hate you for …“ Write
to feeling that more there is already nothing to tell, you told everything that could. The feeling of “the ringing emptiness“ will be a marker.
Further make everything that you want with this leaf. Someone tears to the smallest pieces and blows downwind from a car window at a mad speed, someone burns and washes away ashes in a toilet bowl. There is no imagination a limit. Get rid of the offenses the most desired for you in the way.
And there is more to come.
Write the second message, beginning with words: “I am guilty to you for …“ As a rule, it comes to an end with the words “Forgive Me for …“
This message will give you the chance to receive the correspondence forgiveness and absolution. It also define a fate.
And the following letter begin with words: “I am grateful to you for …“ Write, is what to thank for. This will also be the finishing, curing acceptance stage.
Gratitude to it, it, them, itself, the world for that valuable experience and an opportunity to grow and change which you received, enduring the offense.
A marker of healthy end of a situation is the feeling of gentle melancholy and gratitude which you feel, remembering the event injuring you once.
But, unfortunately, we are arranged so that it is very difficult to us to cut out to itself independently tonsils and also it is difficult to get rid of psychological problems independently.
Now you know a method, see where to go and as to help itself.
There are a direction and understanding of algorithm of a solution.
But nevertheless there is a danger of lag and leaving absolutely not there at the solution of problems without the assistance of the expert.
You always have a choice - to try or to trust in the professional. Also there is an opportunity to use one free session for the solution of any your problems .
For this purpose it is necessary to be registered on Shkolezhizni. ru and to leave inquiry with your address in Skype in comments to any of my subjects.