How kind rituals can help to keep the relations in a family?
Contact between parents and children - pleasure, convenience and a guarantee of conflict prevention and misunderstanding. How to keep it since childhood for many years? Whether it is possible to keep reliable contact of parents and children even during the difficult teenage period?
With many families it is helped by the habitual rituals day by day passing through all life: ritual “Good morning“ and “Good night“, ritual “Lovely fingers“, ritual “15 minutes before going to bed“.
Ritual is actions (a set of actions) which should be done because it should just be done - because it is done by everything because it is accepted here. Bringing of the oath - ritual, handshake - too ritual to greet, that is to wish health - also to all habitual ritual.
It is curious: not all understand what to tell each other since morning “Good morning!“ are not just good feelings with all the heart, it is ritual. The fact that it seems in normal families such natural (and that can be more natural than a morning greeting “Good morning!“?) - once natural was not such. This ritual someone, some creative person, thought up and entered. Probably, it was artificial in the beginning, and then became habitual and natural. Thanks to this wise person!
So, ritual consists in what since morning all with a warm smile tell (do not mutter, and warmly and with a smile speak) each other “Good morning“ and kiss (here differently - in plechiko, on a cheek, on sponges).
It is a format, that is the obligatory requirement of relationship. You can be not slept and in offense, but to tell “Good morning!“ you are obliged anyway.
And when the child grows up in such situation and will get used to it, it will become for it absolutely natural. It will stop being for it ritual and will become just good feelings - with all the heart!
It is similar. To go to bed, without having approached other family members and without having told them with a smile and a kiss “Good night!“ - at us it is not accepted. Simple habit, kind ritual. Yes?
A single question - as to accustom to it. One of successful receptions is “The school of good manners“ about which it is possible to esteem in Psikhologosa.
Lovely fingersMorning of the child begins
with the fact that someone gently irons his fingers standing. This someone crept to it under a blanket and not shchekotno, and pleasantly strokes its fingers. Big finger, following, following... a little finger - all fingers receive the strokings and kisses. “Good morning, darling!“, “Good morning, native!“ - mother`s voice (or fathers) accompanies this soft morning massage.
Here care is important - each child has the sensitivity, and for someone even soft strokings can be felt as a sharp tickling. However, as shows experience, soft and caring hands of parents are felt that now is pleasant to the child. It is important that the child was not accustomed even to draw aside in the mode of game legs as “Well Shchekotno, Leave, I Do Not Want!“ - he at the same time smiles and knows that mother will iron it all the same and it is actually pleasant to it, but later this game can destroy this ritual completely.
Whether always and all children it is possible to accustom to this ritual? Unfortunately, what is missed can not always be filled. If parents accustomed the child to this ritual since the childhood, it is habitual for it the same as to breathe and wash. It is already more difficult to accustom to this ritual of first graders, teenagers - it is rather inappropriate, they have not that age now. If you look on the situation, then think. But if you have children still small, ritual “Lovely fingers“ has to enter a family way of life, to become completely natural and internally obligatory, same as morning “Good morning!“
of 15 minutes before going to bed
the Wonderful thing - fifteen minutes of communication of the child with the father or mother before going to bed when the child already in a bed, and the father or mother sit next to it and about something quietly talk: ask, listen. There cannot be dismantling and morals, as a last resort (after quarrel), it is possible just to sit nearby, to stroke the handle, to kiss fingers and to tell: “I love you. Good night!“ What is told for the night remains at heart and for the rest of life. Tell each other warm words!
All these rituals - only an example, only an occasion to reflect that in the family our relations are created by ourselves. Here all individually - and if mother (for example) woke the daughter ritual “Lovely fingers“, then the daughter meets the father through ritual “Good morning!“. In each family there can be rituals, at different times and at each age different. It is important only that we looked for what will maintain our relations day by day.