Time for love? The only effective way to find happiness in the relations. Part 2
the First part of article was devoted to the preparatory stage and highlights concerning search of the partner. What prevents modern people to keep the long-term relations and as it is necessary to work correctly in order that all - to achieve it?
1. Responsibility for the happiness
If the person lives with installations on the fact that for the happiness it is not necessary to undertake anything that everything allegedly will come itself, then he as a result receives an unfortunate family if at all he receives. Very many married couples are unfortunate in marriage. Why does that happen?
The reason of it just that the person does not spend the forces for search of the suitable partner, and is engaged all life in affairs urgent, but not important really. As a result it gets only several small chances of love from generous destiny. He sees how an opportunity to meet more or less suitable person seldom drops out (and if not to make efforts, then this is true). And he begins to be afraid in general to be left without family. The similar relation to life he just puts himself in such position at which it is forced or to grasp at the first chance, or to be content with loneliness. Anyway it is the choice without the choice, and such person will hardly find happiness.
Therefore it is necessary to put heart and soul, to make as much as possible attempts, to spend more time and forces on search of the love. Only then the destiny will begin to help us too, having seen that we at last are rather interested in its services, and will provide us only the best options and in enough.
At such approach you get rid of fear that chances to find love very little, you will see that it not so. And you should not connect the life with the person just because time came or the loneliness became just intolerable. The main thing when you understand that you found the person with whom to you well right now, and you do not see any serious contradictions in your outlooks then stop the searches, before you is already the person with whom you are simply obliged to try to construct the long-term relations. Ruthlessly chop off all other options (if those are available), and completely concentrate the attention on your choice.
Also and with the return option. If you see at once that the person obviously does not suit you, then do not spend time and forces for long communication. Just as soon as possible, but at the same time it is tactful and soft, explain to the person that you look for something another is absolute, and further communication just senselessly. Why to torment and encourage the person if you already know that the next meeting will not be. I think, he also will be grateful to you for frankness.
2. Family life
So, you found the person, began to build a family. What it is necessary to pay attention at this stage to?
In - the first, never stop using the efforts concerning the love. Only now they will go not for searches of the beloved any more, and for maintenance of the relations. A mistake very much and very many people - having found love, to relax and return to a usual amoebic state. This mistake destroyed the uncountable number of marriages.
Do not think that time you found the person who fell in love with you, the task is carried out that he will love you eternally, despite any your acts. It is necessary to put efforts and heart and soul in love throughout all your life, without stopping, only then it can last eternally. Otherwise, even if the person will not throw you (from - for habits), to you definitely not to see happiness. And whether you need such relations?
Spend time for darling; you praise it; surprise; you give love; be always desired / desired for it, but not for others, being going to go to work; you find an opportunity in next (though in million!) time to express its importance for you in any ways; make his life brighter and kinder - and it it is obligatory for will answer you with the same.
Do not dare to calm down on reached and again to steep in work or in something, upon less important for you, than a happy family. Happiness whether it is possible to overestimate importance of this behavior directly depends on your behavior?
In - the second, it is necessary to try to reduce to a minimum the consumer component in the relations. It is clear, that all of us look for the partner not only for pleasure of soul love to other person (though it actually - the main reason), and we pursue some practical aims and we want to receive results necessary for us from darling. Heat, care, support.
But imagine such abstract situation: you sincerely and from the heart want to help some person, and he, considering that you are obliged to do it, behaves provocatively. Speaks to you, for example: “Give - give and why so long?“. Or: “Well, and why you so could not make earlier?“ Or old kind: “So, and why you so badly do it?“ Besides, the person will accept all that you for him do as due because really considers that you are obliged and consequently, not especially - that to you for it and he is grateful. Having presented this picture, answer yourself honestly: whether long you will continue to give to such person help?
In the same way and in a family: the partner is not obliged to do for you everything only because he your husband / wife it is already accepted. He always has the same right and not to do what does not want, or just to leave you. Even if you will manage to convince him that it something has to, just because he is your husband / wife, then happy family life on it will instantly end, and it will be almost impossible to return it.
Whether there are any your claims of your family happiness? I speak about expectation from the person of this or that behavior not because he wants to make for you it as you earned by the attitude towards him this his desire to do something pleasant but because you consider that he is simply obliged. Such position will never bring you fortunately !
That`s all miracles! Consecutive implementation of these rules surely will help you by search and preservation of your love for many years.
I wish all success in private life!