Whether it is necessary to dose love? What else typical scenarios of behavior lead part 2
to destruction, apparently, of the most true love and the family relations idyllic first? “The friend - the girlfriend“ do not do
of the man the girlfriend and do not become his “friend“! It is illusion of proximity, but not proximity. Or rather, you receive the girlfriend, but not the man. You are sure that you want it? Be not fond of talk about “former“, about details of last family life, the experiences at this or that moment of the past. You want to write in common yours and only your history … It is a duet, but not a quartet, a quintet and even a septet.
Frankness without dosage nullifies an attraction of floors, deprives of partners of a riddle and “highlight“ and can be used against ourselves in the future. Do not confuse emotional bond to emotional dissoluteness and sincere exhibitionism.
you his woman or his mother? Do not try to replace to it parents - if it and it will be possible, then for a while. It needs the woman, it already has mother! Let mother also carry out maternal functions. Let him call her at least 5 times a day, complaining of life, - for mother he all the same forever will remain the little boy - and you want to have near yourself one more child? If you want - forward, compete for “maternal function“ with the natural mother. And if you want to see the personality and the Man in the man - do not allow it to make the mother of you and do not tear a sole to become it! Because eventually he and will begin to perceive you, and you will stop being sexual object. And you need it?
“The manager of his life“
do not try to replace to it the whole world and to become the whole world for it. Do not try to play many roles at once: both mothers, and service personnel, and secretary, and manager, and colleague, and partner. You will not be enough for the most important role - a role of the beloved. Do not serve it excessively and do not undertake the decision it problems. Dose the help, give it the chance to be shown as the man and to solve the problems independently. You give tenderness, you give sincere support, but be not torn to barricades, swinging a checker, - he is an adult man. Otherwise both of you will be disappointed - your subconscious expectations from each other absolutely others. Besides, attempt to operate his life through some time will begin to irritate the man.
do not immerse the partner in the abyss of the misfortunes and bad luck. Do not throw out on it the complexes, the of paranoia, wild difficulties and intrigues which you faced at work. When we act this way, we broadcast: “Support me, regret, tell that all around bad, and I - good!“. We arrive as the child who came running to the mother to complain that he was offended in the yard.
And here - stop! The man will never become you the second father - it is not his function. Manifestations of “little girl“ at the adult lady in 98% of cases nonplus the man and at the subconscious level irritate as he waits from the woman absolutely for another.
Natural function of the man - to protect. It has to be capable to orient quickly in a serious and dangerous situation, to solve a real problem. But he is deeply convinced that with daily “troubles“ the woman has to and can cope. The role of “little girl“ contradicts the idea of a role of the Woman which is genetically put in the man. Call mother, meet the girlfriend and properly “rub“ everything that disturbs you.
“Mimimi and Wuxi - pus “
the Option of “little girl“ only modified to requirements of modern “glamour“. This is the same girl who considers it necessary to be divided with loved by the visits of prestigious restaurants, visit of expensive salons and fitness - clubs, individual cosmetologists and boutiques, trips into seasonal shopping to Europe and to that similar, only it in own eyes and the details lifting it.
Filter a market “taking into account realities“ as the initiator of reorganization used to say, - it is possible, your detail of “smart life“ will cause unexpectedly return reaction. And after that will already interest nobody that at everything thus you read in Kamoyens`s original and honestly overcame Joyce. Here to you to solve: to seem “abrupt“ or to construct the strong relations with the beloved. And then, the man it is actually is uninteresting .
Keeping proximity, it is important not to make rough intervention in personal space. It is not necessary to try to reduce a distance, constantly controlling and demanding reports. You do not call him each hour with the questions “where you now?“, “what are you doing?“, “when you arrive?“, “what you think of?“. At the most initial stage these questions can be perceived as special attention to you - that is love.
But then - there is no person, either the man, or the woman whom would not irritate and similar “attention“ did not enrage. Because it is perceived as infringement of your freedom, of your personality, identity. Also do not report on it each hour on what is done now by you: went for training, I stand in a queue in a supermarket, I sit at the hairdresser / cosmetologist / stomatologist / gynecologist etc.
Seize these moments to be alone and feel all charm of this moment. If you meet girlfriends - do not shower it with Sms how you miss. Just derive pleasure from this meeting. If he sits with friends in sports bar - do not keep ringing to it. Let`s it receive the small pleasures. Both in yours, and in his life there has to be a private space where the entrance is prohibited to strangers. Eventually - give yourself the chance to miss! Hyper control, jealousy and excessive openness kill freshness of feeling and healthy desire to communicate with darling, to flirt.
Dose, dose and once again dose! Be not afraid to do pauses in communication - they only on advantage. Have a rest sometimes from each other - it will inhale forces in the relations.
Hold a necessary distance by dispensing of trust and frankness. Do not overfeed each other yourself. The same and with emotions - they are necessary, fascinating and good in certain doses - it is not necessary to love “on a rupture of an aorta“ - anything, except pain and disappointment it will not bring. “Overdoses“ in the emotional and confidential sphere of the relations on the feelings it is quite comparable with “overdoses“ in any dependent relations: with alcohol, drugs, various preparations, tobacco. Why to you “withdrawal pains“ and heavy hangover?
When 2 adults - behind shoulders of each of them a wide experience of a miscellaneous meet. The meetings and separations, losses and disappointments which came true and unfulfilled hopes and still desired dreams. The most valuable and fragile in the relations is mutual trust. You belong to each other more carefully, you spare feelings of each other, do not think only of yourself - think of feelings of another. And constantly ask yourself a question: and I would like that in relation to me arrived as I arrive now? And never, never use information obtained from the partner as psychological blackmail and pressure, in the heat of quarrel consciously to hurt.
To dose emotions, experience is necessary, courage is necessary, the desire and ability is necessary. It is necessary to work constantly on itself, with the purpose to learn to control the emotions. Also it is necessary to value the relations.
Be not substituted and do not set up the partner!
Be more careful on the relation to each other and to itself!
Learn to spare feelings and to respect private space!