Whether it is necessary to dose love? Part 1
Everything in the nature strives for balance. The balance in the relations is a necessary basis of their functionality for adults.
All these “lyubov on a rupture of an aorta“, all these “unbridled passions“ will inevitably lead to a gap moreover and to it, as it will be opposite to spit nearby because the cruel law of “roller coaster“, or compensations will work. All “feather“ will become “íåäî“, all “pluses“ will turn into “minuses“.
All pleasant, concerning and “tickling nerves“ is good and it is even useful in small doses. Even easy (very easy) jealousy can stimulate hobby at a certain stage. As excitingly when you are slightly jealous at a flirtation stage and as it is disgusting and heavy at a stage of “relations“! In high doses all strong emotions - are absolutely terrible for both partners.
Including trust and frankness in the relations of adults. It is considered to be that the trust is an indicator of love and naturally leads to frankness before the loved one to whom completely you trust. Moreover, if you do not become close people in the human plan - the relations are doomed.
But do not hurry “urgently to become close people“! Do not bring down own frankness on the partner and control frankness of another if you value these relations.
Of course, first of all we perceive darling as the closest to us the person, so - to whom how not to him to tell everything, to share the most intimate? Unfortunately, practically it is always a mine of the slowed-down action.
The society surrounding us gives us all opportunities to structure communication and self-expression. We have girlfriends, friends, parents, close and closest friends, pleasant interlocutors on social networks and at forums, colleagues, fans of our LJ, husbands, beloveds (God grant that it were the same people).
Each level of communication exists to carry out the certain functions in our life. The distortion arises when own society is not built when the loneliness became intolerable when “nedolyublennost“ and desire to give when we appear in a situation of “trauma“ collected, we need to be uttered, and we do not want to spoil the public image (there is a loved one with whom it is possible to share) - and we “share“ with darling / darling.
We are sure that he / she we will be understood, will support, will give strength, will lighten mood. Sometimes and it turns out, but, depending on degree of frankness and a subject, subsequently it can turn back against us the most unexpected image. is correct the person, only very well can understand us, it is a lot of years us knowing - and that practice shows that it occurs not always.
People interpret words and acts of another, proceeding first of all from ideas of the world, from life experience, from the values. Therefore the probability to get support, but to be absolutely misunderstood is high. Often - misunderstood absolutely.
That is you will attribute the motives and feelings rather peculiar to that with whom you share, but not you. The most sad when it becomes clear not right there, not at once when there is an opportunity to dotolkovat the position and to explain what you mean, and then, through some long time, during quarrel or simply “in a context“.
And you understand that all these months (or even years) the person thought about you the fact that he has no relation to you. In such cases to speak happens and late and not always explanations “work“ - you and forgot already about initial conversation, already and not “in a subject“, and your image, appears, is written out absolutely by other paints. And if so occurs constantly?
Do not hang up the linen - why to it to live with this information on the partner? Also be not a laundry basket - you in the same way can understand information incorrectly, very much can be that to you to hear a lot of things will be difficult and is even sick. Also it is necessary to think how to live further with this freight.
Do not ask questions and do not tell each other superfluous what even theoretically you can ever regret about. Control the emotions and, strangely enough, - trust. When we are in love, we perceive frankness of the partner as supertrust to us - he tells exactly and only you. But you not the psychotherapist - you the Woman. You remember it.
There are several typical wrong scenarios:
Happen cases of scandalous “confidential dissoluteness“ when the partner is told too intimate details of last relations. It needs to be stopped right at the beginning, softly, but categorically and not to provoke such franknesses most. If the partner has a tendency to such “exposure“, it has no relation neither to love, nor to trust. These are questions of its personal complexes and injuries, attempt to live and endure own last situations anew and to receive an external assessment - such what most wants to be received. And why to you this information?
If it constantly asks questions of your “former“ - it has obvious complexes. The self-assured man will never be concerned by your “eksa“!
In - the first, compose nothing. Do not try to seem to a steep slope, than you are actually, - do not think out anything about thousands of men who allegedly you had. “At me they were hundreds, but you are the best of all“, - he all the same will not believe in it. The more at you was men, the less he will believe in sincerity of your assessment. To let know to the man in a bed that he - the best, not so difficult. Especially to sincerely loving woman.
In - the second, and in main: it is not necessary to answer such questions at all. Any answer will be not in your advantage and finally will turn back against you. There were many men - mean, not the fact that it the best, to you is to whom to compare. Men a little … it was possible, you did not “prevail“ yet and where a guarantee that it will be the last? “The virgin with the future“ is more dangerous, than “the woman with the past“.
You do not stick to it with similar questions too - it is simply silly. What difference how many at it was women, it with you now? And then, you are sure that to you it will be comfortable if suddenly he really begins to tell how this or that woman with it in a bed behaved?
Such information should not neither torment the adult man and the woman, nor concern. Live here and now, give to the partner at most of tenderness and heat - and receive in reply even more, than dreamed.