Why he criticizes me? Features of “the estimated relations
“ Estimated character of the relations. Why it arises? Why he dares to estimate and criticize you all the time, and still to report to you about the “unfavourable“ conclusions concerning your person in the most rough, a form, boorish and humiliating for you? In my opinion, there are several main aspects of emergence and continuation of such “relations“.
1. He wants to lower your initially healthy self-assessment that at the expense of you who psychologically weakened, to lift the. Perhaps, it is in a condition of a psychological trauma, perhaps now, it was crowded many years with various complexes, perhaps, caused it severe pain, and it did not find anything better, than to specularly project a situation on you, “to recoup“ now on you, “to finish“ the last relations.
It is possible also that in the last relations it was vulnerable and did not operate a situation, and its hour here came “to drive“, resorting to the diverse psychological manipulations. These “relations“ from the manipulator are initially estimated as temporary, to satisfaction of need for increase of its own self-assessment. You will be very carefully chewed and spat out at the right time.
Similar men look for (and find) not any woman. And appearance for them plays a supporting role. They need the woman having “shortage“, a gap, unsatisfied requirements during this period of life. Perhaps, not feeling happy or demanded, but, at the same time saved up the big not dissipated internal resources. It can be also more senior than the man, with all that it implies from this fact its own complexes.
Only at such woman it is possible to receive what is necessary. It has to be provided with the saved-up resources (sincere, intellectual, sexual) and is ready to share them generously. She wants to give and gives, without thinking of consequences, at the same time opens and becomes extremely vulnerable and, having fallen in love, and dependent. It is the ideal soil for cultivation and blooming of psychological games and manipulations under the guise of “love“.
Certainly, the manipulator does not begin to behave so from the first day of acquaintance. To manipulate the woman, it is necessary to find her weak and sore points and “to put on a needle“. Anything can be “needle“: intellectual communication, emotional bond, a community of views and education, sexual satisfaction - in what shortage during this period of life, or all together is tested. Generally, this man anyway has to “suit“ it.
Women in general are inclined to open completely and to trust absolutely, being lovers. They are not afraid to be frank while the manipulator just “peeps“ at them, scanning. Also measures border - where it is possible to strike trial blow. The following blow will be struck already for the border guessed earlier. And the following blow happens always …
That the manipulator is trampled down on live, loving and therefore to very vulnerable person - well and that from that, the relation all the same temporary, final, not assuming further contacts in any form. Often such communications even “do not shine“ in the environment - and why, you all the same will leave. And the manipulator always has a justification: you allow to treat so yourself, you so treat yourself, here I also belong so!
We will assume, in transport stole a purse from you. Certainly, “you are guilty“, or “the sucker“ that relaxed and allowed to rob himself. Correctly? Yes, 100%. But! The fact that you were set up and allowed to rob himself, - whether it acquits the thief whether it to him grants the right deceiving, robbing? The thief was, is and will remain the thief. Forever.
2. the Manipulator feels discomfort and subconscious sense of guilt for what manipulates and uses you. He does not love you and knows it. He also knows that you are necessary to it for some time for its own survival.
This compelled need to be with you, to use you together with your love and his Dislike and creates sincere discomfort. To it it is uncomfortable at your presence because it itself.
There is a popular belief that the woman of does not love if she allows badly badly to treat itself. I think, however, what in such relations really does not love itself - it. It forks, to it is uncomfortable from it. He wants to leave the relations, but understands that else early - you are still necessary to it, he did not solve the problems yet. It creates division and his dislike for itself. We can be deceived as much as necessary about whether love us, but we will never be deceived about whether ourselves love.
And so - he consciously or subconsciously wants to leave the relations, but at the same time wants to cast blame on you - to make you bad, guilty, to make you improper, to find as if the objective reasons for an exit from the relations. “What?? You cry?? Yes you are not able to control yourself, obviously at all, you are in general a hysteric woman - net, such does not suit me!“ “Nizachot“ to you, the girl, almost in all objects!
Do not think that you urgently have to correct something in yourself - it will not help because background of the conflict another. It anyway will find to what to cling because already made the decision (actually, it was not accepted, it was from the very beginning). As in that joke: “Do not fuss, …!“
3. the Manipulator which wants to leave the relations, but is not able to make it it decently and beautifully, begins to press, gradually increasing pressure.
It provokes really serious quarrel to leave. He criticizes and humiliates, he clings, carps and makes cry, he beats backhand the patient - he just waits when you are really offended and will understand, at last: he does not want to be near!
It would be convenient to it if you left the relations. It does not wound his vanity (he knows that he did everything possible to leave) and will give relief. Sense of guilt, certainly, any will not be - you received “nizachota“ in the main objects. And what sense of guilt at the unloving person?
When pressure will become almost intolerable, you can fondly think that the man stopped loving - perhaps, so it will look. But it whether you know, too romantic treatment (a pier, “the candle burned down, roses withered“).
The truth consists that the love - was not, and there was a conscious planning of such succession of events. From your party the love was and, and from it - was not, any minute, any second … The reasons for which it grasped you have no relation to love. He just wanted to survive in own way.
It is impossible to blame a hyena for the fact that for a survival she needs to devour a beautiful and gentle antelope - the hyena needs to live. The antelope, unlike the woman, knows too that it will be gobbled up therefore is very cautious, without wishing to be eaten. However, the hyena does not play with an antelope the games “I love, I miss and want to build life with you“ - she just attacks and kills. In fauna of the relation is more honest, but in the world of people - it is much more fascinating.
Do not think that he acts only with you or with you this way. Do not think that in you there is some defect which allowed to arise to these unilateral estimated relations. He always acts this way. Arrived, arrives, and will arrive further always.
And the fact that it was not known by you is not your fault, not your trouble and not your problems. You estimated it too, but, unlike it, tried to be delicate because did not want to offend and hurt.
Moreover and justifications found - when the person loves, he first of all justifies behavior of darling, looks for and finds the “valid“ reasons almost for any manifestations. Moreover, the loving person is ready to accept you with all your shortcomings because finally you do his life better. And at careful, mutually delicate relations shortcomings smooth out, and often and “improve“. When on you look the face loving and trusting in you, you want to become and become better (if, of course, the partner is valuable to you).
Eventually, any man will confirm that never consciously will humiliate and will not upset the woman who really is pleasant to it. And it is the most important.