Where your happiness, dude?
“One couple wished to get married and find eternal happiness.
I blew up their car at church right after wedding“.
O. Zh. Grant, the movie “The Route - 60“
In the world exist tons of grants on general happiness, millions of well-wishers promising to make you happy and billions of all other people. Look, please, at these people. May you tell that they are happy? Take the most ordinary people and though your neighbors living in marriage, raising children … Ask each of them thetas - and - thetas - whether he is happy? Attentively look to the little man in eyes. Be more attentive, people lie skillfully and with a certain purpose. And it is still unimportant how each of us defines happiness. And it is unimportant that everything is relative. The following is important: the person claiming that he is happy in 99 percent of cases deceives both you, and himself. And the following is still important: there is no “relative“ happiness.
Now furious objections will follow. Yes, yes, I perfectly remember that you know many happy families, and your family, most likely, too happy, or will be that, at least, soon. But, please, be more attentive, looking each other in the face. Be accurater, substituting concepts. At heart each of us feels really. Calling happiness convenience, comfort, safety, confidence in tomorrow, material welfare, own parents, spouses, children … - you go to an unknown jungle, further and further from the house which alone longs in the depth of your soul.
So, people throughout centuries enter marriages and do not find any happiness. Many do not enter anywhere and also happiness find. And to be an opponent of marriages - yet does not mean to cease to be false at creation of the relations with each other.
Marriages are falseness - convenient, most beautiful, legendary illusion - because contradict the fundamental law of life saying that life is change. And it is very bad news to some of us. The confidence in tomorrow does not happen in the nature. Life is full of dangers, and the husband can throw everything tomorrow and go with the one whom he loves, to Montenegro. Through a couple of hours the wife can take all family money and carry in sect of Satanists. It will soon become clear that children do not love parents - and the more we want that they loved us, the less they will be capable of it. They are so obvious rake that we from generation to generation step on them and are ready to offer the most invaluable - freedom and love to live compromises. And if 15 - the summer teenager can forgive the phrase “I will make everything that you want, only do not throw me! “, it is a shame to us to continue to be such naive, having passed all thirty three circles …
Falseness is also all that is connected with “vows of chastity“, that is both extremes - sexual dissoluteness and asceticism. It is the second and, fortunately, bad news last for today. As you already, likely, guessed, these extremes - no other than the CONSEQUENCE of functioning of institute of marriage. As well as any protest - a consequence of existence of object of this protest. Surprisingly: there are no marriages - there would be no prostitution also.
Also we should sentence to burning on the Life fire all possible roles and masks. Because our problems in the relations - from - for the fact that everyone identifies himself with any mask and are forced to play further corresponding a role. Such type of the relations is called “role“, and many do not reflect that it is possible to live somehow in a different way. From here, by the way, concepts of socionics popular now (the word - that what opposite - contains the root “sotsio“, and we already sentenced society with its traditions to hanging on the Life Tree), and also division of people according to psychotypes, temperaments, zodiac signs, into gnomes, elves, etc. In general, all who seek to divide somehow still people follow, cause at least suspicion because this action, very harmful to attitude, - division.
Though it is still florets - you only think how many much more catching masks are put on you! “Person“, “the man - the woman“, “the parent - the child“, “the son - the daughter“, “the husband - the wife“, “the student of higher education institution“, “the worker of work“. And where here you? There is another, prilagatelny, a grade of masks: “the cool macho“, “lewd Barbie“, “the successful businessman“, “the honest broker“, “faithful husband“, “eternally aching girlfriend“. And where here you?!
And now present - one person with the set of masks gets acquainted with another which has the set. Nobody is been - all play game. All are afraid to be themselves, preferring to put on a mask of “the good kind boy“ or “the beautiful and clever young lady“. The falseness arises from first seconds of acquaintance. On it the castle in the air of the relations begins to be under construction. Psychologists live to they are means for maintenance of castles in the air in purity and an order at them is more than enough! All books from the How to Become Happy series - grants on acting skills in life. And, certainly, game will not make you happy! Never. At best the person will have satisfaction of some desires, and then will slide in compromises and will begin to count one circle of sufferings behind another, without seeing an exit.
And it is not so difficult (especially after several series of a rake on a forehead) to understand all this. Alas, a rake is necessary, and it is already the first good news. Experience is necessary, without it anybody`s admonitions and sermons do not affect people. Also it is possible not to go to the role relations from first seconds of acquaintance! It is possible to begin not to go - and to study slowly, to wean from masks.
How to begin not to go?
several basic vital values Are. On them, but not on ethics - a sensorika - logic, palaces of love are under construction. Do not teach them at schools, about them you will not hear neither from parents, nor on the TV, nor in church. You do not trust? Try. Risk to go for a start to respect for yourself. You will also not notice how you will get rid of all surrounding manipulators, and from your neck all those whom you so painfully tamed will get down. You are surprised, having seen as other people - not “for something“ will begin to respect you, and just like that! You unconsciously will begin to respect them - just because it is the same unique and free living beings, as well as you. And, meeting the person, you will not look at him haughtily, including him a priori “spiritually poor“, and you will not fawn upon him, pressing on pity and speculating with love, zealously wishing to receive what is not enough for you. You now - with it as equals, be it three times a star of the Soviet Union or the ordinary maniac - the suppressor. And it only respect, the following value - the trust - means a full disclosure in communication from first seconds of acquaintance …
“Nonsense! The maniac could not be respected!“ - indignantly exclaim you.
Here also the falseness begins. If we approve a condition, then we begin to play the most destructive game on light under the name “If … That“. The condition separates us from other people, from our soul and from the world. “If you are faithful to me, I will be faithful to you“. “Kohl you change me - I to you can too!“ We will listen attentively that we tell. Games in compromises? They are most, native ours! The more conditions in our life, the more in it logicians - the more falseness. “I will keep a family for the sake of our child“ - the such condition does unfortunate at least three people on for the rest of the life.
Any living being is worthy respect the fact of the existence. The way of forgiveness begins with respect.
The third after respect and trust value - acceptance of all beings, starting with themselves, such what they are. Acceptance is not only the value, but also the most powerful weapon for destruction of any castles in the air, and also - a basis of forgiveness. But we will be attentive and we do not forget about the first two indicators. Otherwise there can be a situation, similar to this: some wife accepts some husband - the sadist - the alcoholic and instead of running away from him, suffers and suffers. Where here puncture? You are right - the wife forgot about respect for herself with which in general everything begins.
the Love is freedom from dependences. What is dependence? Condition. If one person depends on another (whether psychologically whether physically, still as - whether) - that cannot be any speech about love. And it is the second good news.
Dependence generates the mass of falseness: envy, jealousy, loneliness, mistrust, self-interest, manipulations, compromises, marriages, slavery.
The love cures of all this. Everything as always is simple. And marriages … it is replacement of love with conditions, substitutes. It is a deadlock branch of evolution.
How not to go to dependence? Through respect of freedom of other person is the only door. But at first - as it was already told - through respect for itself.
Why all this should study? Because up to this point we were taught traditions, slavery and dependence - on purpose to operate us because the free person, independent of all this garbage, is dangerous to those it is favorable to whom to operate us.
What fifth value? What there, is even higher than love?
There freedom, of course. It - space for love with which our world is crowded. It - what moves all of us on this Way. If it seems to someone that the world is not overflowed with love, and absolute internal freedom does not happen - means, too many conditions separate this person from the world.
of People, loving own children, will not destroy the house in which they should live. But people do not love themselves - as they can love the children? Women are not ready to become mothers, men are not ready to become fathers. They are ready only “to bring children“. “And let`s get?“ “And give! A kitty, a doggie or the child - what difference!“ Well, parents want grandsons, a family without children - not a family, it is so accepted, already - it is time to give birth to thirty, all girlfriends is already married, the successor is necessary, it is impossible to break traditions, a bl - a bl - a bl. You feel from where wind blows? Vile such, disgusting veterochek. And the place it from where it blows, is called spiritual immaturity.
Spiritual immaturity does not depend on physical age. While the woman is not ready to provide future child spiritually - she can use contraceptives and if good luck suddenly turns away - to do abortion. The same is fair also concerning the man - to him requirements as it is not surprising, even higher. We consider that no families will exist any more - so, parents already learned the free mature relations, and can tell about them to the child. And - the man, owing to historical injustice, it is more difficult to stereotype to accept freedom of a stereotype - women as human essence.
Otherwise, without having begun to get rid of falseness and to reconstruct itself today, we will receive the lovely anti-utopian future for our children. We will teach them to lie, dependence, slavery and the competition. We will teach them to be artful and cunning to survive in society, and the trust and love should study them again. As well as to us - now.