You and your emotions: who whom?
Social stereotypes in the sphere of manifestations of emotions are unambiguous.
In - the first, is bad, and there are good emotions. The fear, anger, rage, offense, irritation is, of course, bad emotions. Pleasure, interest - good. It is good to experience good emotions, it is possible and it is necessary. To test bad - badly and it is impossible at all.
In - the second, emotions (even positive) only children openly express. The adult it not to the person. A distinctive feature of the adult - tranquility and coolness. As a last resort - the image of pleasure, pleasure with life, a positive spirit is encouraged. What at the same time is created in you, concerns nobody. People around actually do not want to know that you feel actually, they suggest to calm down (it is desirable quicker), to forget about all troubles. And if you smile more, then in general all by itself will improve!
In - the third, negative emotions if it is possible to show, then only to close people. And usually it looks quite unpleasantly - the husband, the wife, the child, the girlfriend literally “throw out“ on you all collected rage, pain, anger. “What, I also with relatives cannot be oneself?!“ - a typical excuse.
And still this hysterical: “Emotions literally overflowed me, I can do nothing with myself!!! As I can quietly answer if I am overflowed by emotions!!! It does not depend on me!!!“
When I hear it, I have a feeling that emotions, especially negative, are such parasites who live with us (or in us), but in itself. And we really can do nothing with them. Also they will die together with us.
Well, of course, it is possible to object that emotions are the such difficult phenomenon going to us from time immemorial …
A still this: “As soon as you will begin to control the emotions, you will turn into a lifeless being because natural manifestation of emotions is a sign of the living person“.
Here also we from close “live“ … suffer
Actually more and more simply and more difficult at the same time.
In - the first, you should not divide so unambiguously emotions on bad and good. If we understand that, for example, the anger gives us forces and determination to resist to barriers on the way to the purpose, will mobilize forces, reduces fear with danger, then we already not so are negative to the opportunity to test anger.
In - the second, regular not expression, ignoring of not approved emotions, besides loss of and all of the known psychosomatics, conducts also to the fact that we lose ability to understand them, and then and to operate them. Here it is amusing - we constrain emotions, allegedly operating them, and actually we go losing over them any power in general.
In - the third, of course, the most important (and problem) - is adequate to express the emotions and not to frighten by them people, including relatives. The mechanism of a domestication of emotions is rather simple in the theory, but also in practice it can be seized. Shortly it looks so.
The first stage - understanding of a situation . It is the most important point. Here, it is conscious or not, we also choose the relation which is transformed to emotion. Exactly here we can choose a point of view under which we will look at a situation. “The rain went - it is good because …“ or “The rain - badly because … went“. Emotions appear different. This stage lasts only several seconds, and sometimes less. In it its complexity. Therefore as Pollianna - the heroine of the known history Eleanor Porter learned, - every time ask yourself a question: “What is good in that situation into which I got? “ Thus, we train, constantly playing the game “It for Me Is Good because …“
At the second stage emotion is untwisted , and here we or grant to ourselves the right to live it, or we begin to brake actively.
At the third stage there is a accommodation of emotion , and it is already difficult to make with it something.
And at the last stage - emotion attenuation - everything that we can make, it to tell itself: “Everything will end soon and so“. And it is valid, it will end.
So begin from the very beginning.
Well and, of course, management of the emotions, regulation of emotions does not mean control of their external manifestation at all. It at all not replacement, not suppression or elimination.
Management of emotions is similar to driving - difficult to learn, but what high from driving!
Emotions always someone`s - your, my, his or her. You are a source of your emotion. Because emotion is a reflection of your relation to the world.
Are on friendly terms with the emotions!