Were not pleasant to future mother-in-law? Consider that you were lucky!
you Want to be pleasant to future mother-in-law from the first meeting? Also you mourn if you did not manage it? No wonder. Most of the girls in love with the future husband, for some reason consider that the main goal of acquaintance to future mother-in-law consists in it. They carefully prepare for the forthcoming meeting, think over clothes and a make-up and forget with themselves the most important that is necessary in this situation: the observation and ability to soberly assess a situation.
What often occurs as a result? No, not what future daughters-in-law are afraid of: as a rule, to them nobody forbids the house, the love remains, the wedding takes place. Here only from the first meeting in the relations the hidden inequality is put: the daughter-in-law very much tries to be pleasant, waits from the mother-in-law of an assessment of the qualities. The mother-in-law, intuitively feeling the power, operates behavior of the daughter-in-law at discretion by means of approval - disapproval.
Externally such relations can look frictionless, just ideal. But eventually between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law the hidden irritation collects. Difficultly and all the time it to try to be pleasant, and all the time to estimate. And that, and other situation are unnatural, inapplicable for close relations, for family life, overload mentality and generate neurosises.
As it was already told, these big problems grow from our small nonsenses which we almost everything in large quantities allow at the beginning of the relations with own mother-in-law. To be pleasant to future mother-in-law - it turns at girls into some sport where only the result matters, unimportant what price.
The first appointment to the mother-in-law - an important subject of forums and articles of the female Internet. But what advice is given to girls that appointment took place successfully? To smile. To be silent. To eat everything that to you was put on a plate. To praise food. Not to enter disputes at all. Well, and hit of all councils: to put on so that not to irritate a look, more modestly, than in everyday life.
For what? Perhaps, future daughter-in-law quite so is also going to build up the relationship with the mother-in-law further: not to object, eat everything that she prepares to select, irrespective of taste, clothes taking into account its requirements and all life to be silent, without entering the conflicts? If yes, that such tactics is justified.
But to come to the first meeting, representing from itself the modest woman only in order that then, having accustomed and “having rubbed in soul“ elderly, (perhaps, lonely and unfortunate) the woman to begin to behave absolutely differently, than at the first acquaintance - in it there is something dishonest.
Little girls! Let`s stop for a while and we will think: really there is no other way to build up the relationship with future mother-in-law, except these clumsy attempts to be pleasant? Let`s remember all who love us. Really the reason of their love that we tried to be pleasant, hiding one qualities and exaggerating presence of others? And maybe, on the contrary, a secret in our sincerity and naturalness?
And if we come to a meeting with future mother-in-law in the usual clothes at the natural mood - volume which actually, but not that which is offered in this situation? Also we will not hide the nervousness, it is caused by our interest in a new situation, a meeting with new, perhaps, the person very important in the future? Really it will turn out worse, than to sit quietly and to shy wait for estimates, hoping to take a revenge in family life?
By the way, about estimates. Behind all nervousness and vanity it is good to consider and understand that mother of future husband represents. What she for the person, than breathes? Whether hides much? Whether often tells a lie? Smokes? Drinks? What reads? What looks? How treats your future husband? What it for it the son: kind good fellow or Ivan the Fool? If your future husband has brothers and sisters what their role in a family?
What she is a hostess? How sincere and frank person? So much it is important to find out about the future relatives before solving whether they will be in general relatives! Whether to estimates here? It is important to know all this not to put “two“ or “five“ of the future mother-in-law, business is much more serious. Future wife should understand what atmosphere of the house in which her future husband grew up their values are how compatible? Whether you will be able to divide them?
If in the course of the first meeting it became clear that alas, too many contradictions which in the course of family life will only amplify, so were found you were largely lucky. Present what would be if you came to this meeting with the brain which is switched off for horror in which only one thought would flash: “it will be pleasant / it will not be pleasant“. Process of understanding could be dragged out for many years, and it would include your future children.
In case of obvious alienation, the disagreement which became clear after a meeting with future mother-in-law (especially in case future husband was dissatisfied with last meeting too and accuses of it future wife), it is worth reflecting: can be, better to turn back, without expenses on a wedding, sharing of property and children and regrets about in vain spent years at once.
At all not that girl who at the price of an incredible soul pressure manages - to construct more - less smooth, though cold wins, the relations with people alien to it, and that who will be able to find in the person of future husband and his close adherents capable to accept it such as it is.
Instead of an epilog.
There is a lot of - many years ago mother of one of my ex-boyfriends was sincerely grieved by the fact that her son chose to himself such worthless maiden, the weak, lazy and obviously having tendency to alcoholism. And the fact that, despite her terrible questions “You Respect Me?“ to drink with it more served as the reason of such negative attitude to me, than one glass of vodka, I could not. When out of great respect for mother of darling, trying to adapt to her opinion, I drank two once, at once was cut down, as was the cause of disappointment: if it now from two shot glasses falls what with it will be farther? How with it to build family life, to go to holidays why to our family such shame?
Generally, the strong, rural, hard-working family had reasons. Since then I still drink occasionally one glass of vodka in several years. Only for a long time it do not try to be pleasant at any cost to obviously alien person what and to you I wish.