How to live with intimofoby?
“It changes girlfriends as gloves!“
“It cannot get on with one man!“
“To it already thirty, and it did not meet anybody longer than month!“
If you heard these phrases in the address more than once, then it is possible that you treat 30% of adult men and the women suffering from an intimofobiya - psychologists quite so call this phenomenon. Such frustration (and it exactly frustration, but not a disease) is annually diagnosed to thousands of people worldwide. But whether so actually suffers intimofob?
Fear of the close emotional relations with the partner was frequent not only in our century, but also several centuries ago. For example, suspect the famous lover of an intimofobiya - the hero Casanova. The aspiration to avoid affection for other person becomes the main distinctive sign of an intimofob.
For this reason an intimofoba often confuse to the ladies` man, however it not absolutely alone and the same: theoretically, the ladies` man can fall in love, marry and even to have quite happy family, at loyalty of the wife to his adventures. The Intimofob is horrified by phrase “I love you“ for which all normal people wait with a sinking heart. The ladies` man is not concerned by feelings of his partners, he does not want to fall in love. Intimofob is afraid of manifestations of feelings in general - that is to make a declaration of love to it means to lose it forever.
Why does that happen?
Actually, it is not quite established, however consequences of other things which became boring to all emancipation, feminization and inherited from the 20th century are obviously traced here. You judge: the most real deleting of sexual borders which is already indisputable and obvious today leads to the fact that for creation of the full-fledged relations with the partner all reasons which for centuries held before people together formally disappear.
And it is even not a question of marriage as could seem. And without the press in the passport there are unions of two loving people. But intimofob runs from any unification, any union and even from a hint on that.
If the young man since the childhood does not see happiness of parents, perceives girls not as certain beautiful creatures and how for one night, and before eyes the set of examples of the marrying friends who began to get divorced in half a year after a wedding has ready to help partners, - as to it to want close relations with such girls and how to it not to be afraid of the relations?
If the girl sees around the fallen young people with sunflower seeds at an entrance if she objectively understands that she learned to do without their support and support, and behind a wall the drunk neighbor regularly beats the neigbour - as to open for her heart before men?
Intimofoba are usually rather successful, reach much in life … But are not able to love. I heard from them more than once that they feel defective as they did not feel anything is never stronger than a usual short-term inclination. And on closer examination they really suffer as the need for love which is overcome by fear anyway is behind external bravado.
of What are afraid of an intimofoba?Grant
, the intimofobiya is one of areas in which women if did not surpass men, then caught up with them fully. The fears preventing to open the heart for other human soul at intimofob the great variety collected.
Fear to be disappointed in the partner, fear to hurt it or to feel pain, fear of change, fear to lose the person (to endure his death), the unwillingness to adapt to its habits and fear to lose the - in a word, all those fears which most of people is able to overcome in itself at intimofob reach a complete negation of the opportunity to be near someone.
It is important that intimofoba often understand the state and even speak about it with the partners at a stage of the beginning of the relations. But those, as usual, perceive it not seriously. And as this rush is familiar to all of us: “It it was to a meeting with me, I - that not such as everything, I will cure it!“ But such aspiration can only worsen a situation the pressure and is final convince an intimofob to escape.
But how it is correct to treat fear of proximity?Intimofobiya`s
is that frustration which it is the best of all to treat if … to cease to treat him. When the man or the woman who conceived to cure an intimofob begins often with him about it to talk or try to surround him with love, he will come across a cold wall and isolation of the partner. And as a result of at once loses it forever as the love and care smother such person and create illusion of loss of freedom.
If to you it is expensive intimofob and you really want to help it, reconcile to thought that he will never tell you treasured words of love, but can remain with you a row for many years. It is possible to make it in one way - keeping from it at some distance (certainly, within the husband`s relations with the wife), without encroaching on his freedom and without starting talking about love in general.
It is very important point during which you should make the decision: or you are ready to live for years near darling or darling, without speaking with it about feelings, at the same time having both friendship, and support, and sex, and other moments of a matrimony, or you should at once stopping spend the time for re-education then not to accuse anybody in “the best left years“.
Nevertheless life with intimofoby - not such and a hard share of the loving partner. As a rule, the people realizing the problem will be grateful to the halves for understanding, support and lack of pressure. And as, despite passion and superficial amorousness, intimofoba understand that objectively they will hardly meet someone more understanding, than you, they will hardly ever exchange comfort of the relations with you for new hobby which is fraught for them with new problems. And therefore you have every chance to live with darling intimofoby for many years.