To drink or not to drink? Here in what a question...
Ya prefer to be on friendly terms with women. No, seriously. Some believe that no friendship between the man and the woman can be. That only the real, severe men - among themselves are able to be on friendly terms.
And here I opened that the so-called man`s friendship has all symptoms of inertly current alcoholism. And the friendship with the woman is much more pleasant, more useful and besides prolongs life.
Only for friendship with the woman choose to yourself in friends not by the principle of a cute face and with its everything the winning desire to drag you in a registry office, and by the principle of mind and some other purposes in life, except to marry in a hurry and to give birth to children.
And then you catch the true friend, always ready to give advice and to come to the rescue. Of course, if your girlfriend nevertheless has over time no irresistible desire to transfer your friendship to other, even more pleasant plane. However, even then you lose nothing. And even on the contrary, you get. You get something so unique that all men can envy you. Namely - friendship and love rolled into one.
With men - mortal melancholy and continuous alcoholism. Once two men gather, even on the most important and necessary issue - well, there to repair the car, to dolly up a roof or to dig up a kitchen garden, a wreath of all these good fulfillments will vseobyazatelno be what? Correctly. Booze.
I to myself rented the new house in the village and that somehow guide bridges with local population, naive and inexperienced, at first went to neighbors on the right. I was met by elderly couple of a sound country manner. She is large, “okayushchy“ and “gakayushchy“ mother of family who escaped on economy in time. He - larger, with working hands - shovels and the stripped vest which is lifted up over a stomach, - cheerfully winked at me and got a liter large bottle of some muddy liquid.
I to them with a box of chocolates, and they in me self-race... Only nothing, only “on hundred grams“, “is pure for acquaintance“, “how not to drink with the good person“ which were hundred grams each five minutes and I stayed at them not less than an hour. All my twenty two “I need to go“, “At me on a plate soup boils“, “I cannot drink is antigumanno so much“ bits one weighty argument were: “You respect me?“
As I appeared at home - I do not remember. I spent the whole next day, suffering a headache, lack of appetite and swearing itself oaths never to drink nothing stronger than beer.
In a weekend to me neighbors came at the left. Young couple with all signs of advancement and material security. Couple invited me to itself, and I, believing that with these definitely you will not get drunk, without hesitation, hurried in their mansion.
It included “plasma“. Got a cognac bottle from bar, and acquaintance began. When the bottle was drained, it went to wash the dishes, and we fell out on the yard to breathe and … to continue acquaintance.
As cognac was not any more, the owner from where - that got a liter bottle of “domestic wine“ as it it is proud declared, and I agreed to drink “absolutely slightly - slightly, for acquaintance“.
The domestic wine was mix of cherry juice and vodka, and quite strong. I all tried to leave home, but, once I tried to get up from a bench that an uneven step to go home, my neighbor right there began to take offense, and I somehow to make amends before it, was forced to fasten this peace treaty with a glass of “domestic wine“ again. So proceeded - I jumped to go home, he took offense, we drank - ten times until the bottle became empty.
Here I thought that here it, my hour of triumph, and already zapetlyal towards a gate, but my new friend bellowed “Minute“, disappeared in the doorway and exactly in a minute appeared with a polutoralitrovy bottle of beer.
“Not - e - e, I will not be“, - there were zableyal I. But the neighbor did not hear me, only silently opened a bottle and put to me in hands. “Drink. But not that I will take offense“, - with the menacing look, but he gently told me. I understood what the choice to drink or not to drink at me is not present. Also took couple of sips...
Into the next morning I split the head, all body hurt, and besides sense of guilt tormented. I promised himself to drink any more never anything, even beer.
But already on next weekends I came after work that in a garden of my rented house to find the owner of this house and someone else. They were already slightly tipsy and though one saw me only two times, and another at all never saw, cheerfully shouted as if met the closest relative to whom hundred dollars owed: “About - about - oh, what people in Hollywood! Sit down … E - e - e how, you speak, you are called?“
Ya began to rest, thinking out excuses, one idiotichny another: that I have a headache that in a hand I sewed up an antialcoholic ampoule that I should gather and go to the North Pole urgently. Nothing helped. I by force was seated at the improvised table, gave a shot glass the size about a glass and poured in it to the brim smelly moonshine.
I tried to have a snack on the most greasy food, thrusting pieces of fat into a mouth. To wash down all this with compote and mineral water. Tried to pass toasts, the following one by one, - where one came to an end, another right there began. That already in an hour if I am not mistaken, after the third bottle for three, the sober remains of a brain to understand that I am drunk in a dymina.
Under the pretext of a campaign in a toilet I crawled away absolutely to the opposite side, limped to the house, opened a door and as was was filled up to sleep. But minutes through ten drowsiness it was woken by a deafening roar in an outer entrance hall.
My new friends, without having waited for me from a toilet, did not find anything the best how to move off in my searches. The owner had a key and it, having opened an entrance door, not having calculated a trajectory of the braided legs, stumbled about a high threshold and to a move crashed down all hundred-kilogram hulk on a floor from everything. The roar from falling of a body was strengthened by the overturning whatnot with any stuff which stood at an entrance and for which it it is in vain saving grasped.
I jumped in a bed, being drunk at first having thought that war began and enemy shells are torn. Then thought that to me thieves got. And then dokumekat that my two new friends could not remain indifferent to my loss, in the dark got lost, did not calculate force of terrestrial gravitation, height of a threshold and all other that always disturbs when the tipsy person.
Having leaned out in a shade, I uvidat that the owner gradually snores, strewn lightly with the scattered nails, jars and sklyanochka. The silhouette of his friend which is strongly shaking here and there loomed already behind gate. And therefore I only quietly covered a door and went to get enough sleep.
The next morning at about noon I parted forcibly the midnight guest. That prokhryukat something, wiped eyes with a weighty palm of the size of the sixteen-kilogram weight and joyfully shouted: “About - about - oh, what people in Hollywood! Ý - ý - e how, you speak, you are called?“ Hardly rose and … suggested to freshen the nip.
“At me is“, - he cunning winked. I remembered yesterday`s self-race and at full speed rushed on the yard. Having facilitated the stomach raped yesterday and having rinsed a mouth water from - under the crane, I, reeling, returned to contemplate a happy ugly face of the owner sitting at a table embracing a bottle of muddy liquid …
Since then I prefer loneliness and a privacy. Or as a last resort I try to drive friendship with women. They though seldom abstain from that at any moment of our friendly relations not to begin to give them a romantic shade, at least, do not accustom to drinking me.
And men … men everything strive to get drunk. And distinguished, on graceful rural manners call it “to drink hundred grams“ or “five drops“, and “-it is, no more, what we are drunks what, perhaps?“ And now every time as somebody calls me to help or I is forced to go on a visit, I quickly help and is intelligent so, having promised to return, I give I tear up.
And I prefer to leave guests in English. Already in half an hour. Otherwise do not wait for mercy.