Mockeries of the wife: what to do and who is guilty?
Two widespread stereotypes: “all men are goats“ and “all life - waste of activity of proteinaceous organisms, all women - unambiguously earn additionally the most ancient profession, and the sun - a low-power small lamp on the sat-down batteries“. It is curious that when the woman is dissatisfied with the husband, she is limited to the statement that “all men are goats“. Other world for it continues to be pleasant to multi-colored. And here if the man is dissatisfied with the wife, then for him all paints grow dim at once. Pay attention to the stereotypic statement given above. Not only “all women …“, but also life, and sun.
One more popular belief: the woman - the suffering party in unsuccessful marriage, the man - the reason of all misfortunes (that goat who gobbled up all cabbage and began to butt). At the same time admits that there is, of course, what the marriage failure reason - the woman, but nevertheless in much smaller cases, than the man. Men are inclined to scoff at women, to show a sadism both in a verbal form, and in the form of a banal manhandling. Women - the victims, practically always innocent.
But if to look narrowly at this question more attentively, then it will turn out that mockeries at the partner in marriage are present not only from men, but equally and from women. Just men are much less inclined to admit similar. Much more often just are silent and suffer or leave on searches of the better life. Besides, women usually do without physical corrective actions (though it happens), preferring them verbal fights, blackmail by children or a bed, threats to tell the whole world (from mother to the chief) about swinish behavior of the spouse.
A great number of women since morning begin daily show a bit earlier: the husband not so got up and not so sat down, he cannot even nailing to hammer into a wall or, on the contrary, only to hammer nails and is able, he has not prestigious work with a small salary or, on the contrary, “what`s the use in all this money if you do not pay attention to a family?“, he does not pay attention to problems of children or, on the contrary, too nurses children, he is a homebody or, on the contrary, excessively loves campaigns where - nibud (from the wood to friends), at it there is too much or few friends, he incorrectly puts on (democratic jeans - the bum, the strict suit - is too much fuss with washing of shirts and an ironing of trousers), it incorrectly eats (eats everything - it is unhealthy, it is choosy in food - here not restaurant) and so on, and so forth.
The part of women prefers blamestorming session of other type: “I so love you, and you constantly look (run) on the left!“. And it is absolutely unimportant where the spouse looked or ran. He could not leave the house year at all. But if (rescue it everything!) he suddenly glanced, say, on “Schoolmates“ and chatted with the former classmate whom he even in the second class brought a portfolio or (horror!) presented a bouquet of dandelions - everything, it is quite enough for a terrible scene of jealousy. The husband - the hero in the intimate plan, and right there he is accused of what one woman (wife) to it obviously has to be a little, and, so it gathers additionally the on the party. The husband in the intimate plan does not shine, means - already gathered additionally on the party, and nothing remained to the wife. And so on, the imagination is boundless, and any action (or inaction) is interpreted in very certain context.
Options of mockeries at the husband set. It is not surprising that many men go home from work, as on penal servitude, preferring house “cosiness“ to business trips, after-hour work, visits to friends and so on.
It is not necessary to think that if “education“ of the husband is made only in a verbal form, without swinging by hands, then it - is absolutely harmless. Depressions, vegeto - vascular dystonia, heart attacks, strokes, stomach ulcer, gastritises and a set of other diseases - a consequence daily “and you again …“, “and why you …“, “at all are husbands as husbands, and at me …“ and so on.
But, as well as in a case with women, we will look - and who responsible for current situation?
Dear men, personally I can hardly believe that any of you looked after, proposed marriage and it is proud led in a registry office the frank bitch, the moral sadist, the tearful silly woman and so on. Anything similar. But it is asked: where that got to lovely, charming, kind, everything the understanding and gentle girl who crossed with you a registry office threshold the unlimited number of years back? Why instead of it now near you “It“? Whether you laid a hand, and even two at once, to such striking transformation?
Think: what does your wife when accuses you of all mortal sins at once want? Only do not stop on superficial - on its direct charges. For example, if she declares that you have too small salary, it does not mean at all that her dream - the husband - the oligarch. Most likely, she just does not feel protected near you, she lacks a reliable shoulder against which it is possible to lean, having forgotten about all cares. This reliability is measured not by money at all. But when it is absent, the thought against will even comes to especial commercialism, alas, presently money is a way to solve many problems. And if the woman does not find near herself the man (and this concept includes not only what is proud is carried in trousers), then she, naturally, strives at least for financial security.
Your wife has a pathological jealousy? Most likely, you once stated discontent with her intimate talents (possibly, complained of its “stiffness“ at the most lyrical moments, an insufficient susceptibility to caress and so on). There are also searches of where you gather additionally intim which she - by your words - is not able to give you.
Look at yourself in a mirror. You want that your wife was similar to the picture from the fashionable magazine, but to whom you are similar? Where that young man with whom your wife fell in love so to agree to marriage? And the question not only in appearance, it changes over the years.
The sweetest joke is remembered: the woman of years about forty considers herself in a mirror early in the morning, notes each wrinkle on a face, each fold of skin, excess weight, the second chin and other troubles of appearance, then turns around to a matrimonial bed on which the polupyanenky, lysenky little man with the drooped paunch sleeps, and with hatred speaks: “So to you, a reptile, it is also necessary!“.
Think properly and if you are honest with yourself, then you will find out that for 90% you stuck together this shrew with whom you live now from that charming girl whom married.
So can, you should not blame on the wife and to consider that if it changed, then all your life would become directly - the poured chocolate glaze. Perhaps it is necessary to begin with change of?
The person changes - also the situation around it changes. And here change of a situation can not lead to change of the person. Begin with yourself. You do not know what to begin with - address the expert, the good psychologist will give necessary help.
Give to your wife what is not enough for her: the man on whom it is possible to rely in any situation, the defender and a support. And you will have what is not enough for you - the loving woman nearby.
Yes, there is no guarantee of success. Quite often the situation passes not return point and to correct it so that both parties were happy and happy, it is impossible. But, changing itself, all of you equally change a situation in one way or another: or you will be able to correct family life, having cleared it of misunderstanding and stratifications, or will begin new life in which the sun will not be a small lamp with the sat-down batteries any more.