Mockeries of the husband: what to do and who is guilty?
Many women complain of bad husbands. The husband is inattentive, tactless, the egoist and in general - constantly scoffs at the wife. Everything that it does, is considered under a microscope for the purpose of finding of shortcomings. Well, and when they are, the real show bringing the wife to a hysterics begins. And in most cases these “husbands are sadists“ in the period of a zhenikhovstvo were absolutely others. Moreover, they changed even not right after a wedding, and after several years.
And here available situation: the husband constantly humiliates the wife, and she or silently suffers, having clenched teeth (for example, for the sake of children), or bears the sufferings to the world (complains to relatives, girlfriends etc.) and at the same time all sympathize with it. But whether so everything is unambiguous?
Marriage is the relations of two people, and they depend on efforts of both. Also does not happen so that someone was guilty one, usually wine mutual, however, not always of an identical proportion. Simple analogy: the statistics reports that the majority of attacks of maniacs were provoked by the victims. It, certainly, does not remove from maniacs of any milligram of fault, but the victims should think - what needs to be undertaken not to become the victims. It is just that option when it is necessary to begin with the second question: who is guilty? And only then, having found out the reason, it is possible to solve - and what, as a matter of fact, can be made?
In a situation when the husband constantly humiliates the wife, scoffs at it, first of all it is necessary not to proclaim “all men there are goats“ or “here people have happiness, and I such got a reptile! “, and to reflect - whether there is no provocation from the victim? The provocation causing similar behavior. The provocation turning quite normal man into the psychological sadist.
We do not consider a situation when similar mockeries began to a wedding. Here option another: the man purposefully selects as the wife the woman on whom it is possible to fulfill the inferiority complex (or any other complex). Besides, it is difficult to accuse him. It is asked: where the woman looked, marrying it? If saw whom married, what to complain? As they say, saw eyes that was taken, now eat though to a povylazta!
But if in grooms the man was quite adequate, carried the bride on hands, gave flowers etc., and after several years of marriage sharply changed: about flowers and hands any more and there is no speech, talks through clenched teeth, constantly finds the mass of faults of the wife, considers it near etc. - to reflect just right what changed? What changed in the husband - obviously, but the main thing - what changed in the wife?
Most often the woman is sucked in by life. All life turns around a plate, the washing machine and the vacuum cleaner. Even if there is a work - it only for a salary. An exit where - nibud - a big rarity. And even more often the thought comes to mind: “Well unless it is life? Existence is some! Any gleam!“.
Someone begins to fight against it, looks for light at the end of a tunnel. Women look for interesting occupation, a hobby, beginning from charity (up to care of patients) and finishing with beadwork (some with such hobbies manage to get the real profession, reach certain heights). Instead of sad sitting of the house at the TV (with the next series) or the computer (with the next chat, a forum, online - game) - communication with interesting people.
And someone lowers hands. Times were so died - what to do, destiny such. It is necessary only to regret himself and to continue to pull the bothered strap. And here - that usually “psychological mockeries“ also begin. The husband in every possible way humiliates the wife, he is always dissatisfied with her and if it made any mistake, made something not so (for example, incidentally broke a plate), then it is built in unlimited degree, the trifle is represented slightly not accident. The broken plate - “You just armless what you will undertake, is able to make nothing normally!“. And so on.
And the woman feels like more and more unfortunate. She sincerely tries, looks after the husband very much, and he is all the same dissatisfied. It is dissatisfied with everything - and what it does, and that does not do, and its appearance, relatives, children, lunches, breakfasts and dinners. Often slip statements of type: “Eventually, all this will bother me, I will throw you, I will find another. Young and beautiful“.
The woman complains of a heavy share to friends, acquaintances, relatives. All feel sorry for her. She is a martyr at ungrateful cattle which a droplet does not appreciate happiness which got to it. Girlfriends console: “Yes he will not throw you where it still will find such! He so tells it that to torment you“, - and it is practically the truth. In 90% of cases the husband is not going to look for someone at all, to get divorced, leave a family. But persistently continues to speak about it.
Usually all psychological pressure put upon the wife is connected with the fact that the man persistently tries to find that girl with whom he fell in love, which looked after and which eventually married. And instead of it sees all eternally the dissatisfied woman who constantly feels unfortunate, demands pity.
But if the woman breaks the habitual scheme, stops being the eternal sufferer, finds interesting work, begins to look after himself - also the relation changes. However, not at once. In order that the husband began to perceive the wife only in the form of the housemaid, some time was required. To restore the former relations, so to speak, premarital, time is required too. And sometimes considerable - it is not so simple to prove that changes not external that the wife not just made a new hairdress or manicure, and actually changed cardinally.
The main thing - not to throw begun. Happens that the woman gets a job, begins to poke out, as they say, a nose from water, it has a self-confidence, and here the “spiteful“ husband immediately steps it on the head, bringing it to an initial state. Here it is necessary not to lower hands. The husband just follows the developed stereotype which still should be changed.
Often the psychologist specializing in the family relations helps with similar situations. But, addressing the expert, it is necessary to be adjusted on long and hard work on change of in advance. And if the campaign to the psychologist is followed by confidence that the expert will take in hand the husband - the sadist, will explain to him what it bad and what remarkable wife at it, then the situation will not change. The similar abnormal family relations by efforts not only the husband, but also the wife were formed. Therefore, and it is necessary to change them by mutual efforts.
Sometimes, “the bad, unusable wife“ is not possible to break a stereotype. But in this case the husband scoffs already absolutely at other woman who is not adjusted to suffer the similar attitude towards herself. And then the woman begins completely new life - self-assured, beautiful and clever, it will always find the happiness.