How forever to keep the gentle relations in a family? Golden rules of love
I Bring to your attention a set of simple and natural laws which implementation will bring your relations to cardinally new level and will allow to enjoy warm feelings throughout all life. The submitted rules are obtained first of all from ancient Vedic knowledge, but article contains and think of modern psychologists.
1. The main goal of love - to serve each other, without expecting anything in the answer (absolutely disinterestedly).to Serve
- it is greatest possible to respect the partner;
- not to try to belittle it at all or to offend;
- never to consider it as the property (to make it sincerely - more difficultly, than it seems, but it is very important!) ;
- very much to try to give the person only joy, all possible ways;
- to express the love and to prove it each act;
- to support in any situation;
- to try to become a single whole.
They are the true purposes of the relations (many represent the relations only as the way to satisfy the requirements by means of other person is false representations). Only at such approach it is possible to hope to receive the same relation in exchange. To hope, but not to be indignant and indignant if wishes are not satisfied.
If the partner any time is not able to reciprocate, it is impossible to take offense, or to demand from it it. It is necessary to continue to serve, so far there are on it forces. And if nothing changes - to disperse. To lose also the partner of happiness, suffering each other, senselessly.
2. It is necessary to convince himself that “nobody is obliged to do anything for you! “it is valid
so. And you are not obliged too! Therefore even if suddenly it seems to you (on your any stereotypes or beliefs) that the person has to make something for you and has no moral right to refuse to you is not so! You can ask only very tenderly and amicably it about it (without irritation, blackmail or a hint that it is its duty - as husbands / wives, men / women etc.) . And it is necessary to ask as you would ask the stranger on the street to you to help (that is the person who to you, even on the general representations, has to nothing). If the partner (for any reasons) does not want / cannot help you, then you have to behave the same as with the stranger too (you will not take offense at the stranger if he refuses to you - he is not obliged).
In this case it is necessary to learn not to feel really that your expectations were not met - these expectations and should not be, you only hope for the help, but do not demand it. Otherwise (if only to represent tranquility in response to refusal) the partner will surely read disappointment on your face, and it will not lead to anything good. It is even worse if you openly negatively comment on it (even in the form of a hint or “joke“). Usually it for quite objective reasons is perceived as the fact that it was already initially obliged to make for you it, that is not as a request, and as the requirement / order. The person can feel as someone`s property - and it will not be pleasant to anybody. As a result the negative connected specifically with your person will begin to collect and to get rid of it will be already very difficult.
In case you received the help, it is not necessary to perceive it as due. It is necessary to thank warmly the beloved, he was not obliged to do for you it, but made, so appreciate it! It is very widespread mistake. Everything that we receive from people (especially close) positive, we got used to consider as norm therefore we very often just do not notice it. To the contrary, what does not join our expectations - is kept often in mind.
3. Just it does not make sense to take offense.
Senseless offenses are one of the most terrible destroyers of love. If the partner made something not so (in your opinion), then you can ask only very tenderly him so not to do any more. Without reproaching, and explaining from a position of the feelings why it is unpleasant to you. If its action does not concern specifically to you. In such cases it is desirable to ask most softly or just to hint, and it is better - to learn to perceive similar things neutrally (neutrally, but not to hold back, but if to conceal irritation - it surely will come to light sooner or later)
4. The criticism in the relations has to be absent completely!It does not bring to
benefit at all. The criticism is only attempt to show (first of all - itself) that you it is cleverer, better than the partner, and no more than that. If person to criticize, reproach etc., then he not from it will become better - it is a fact in evidence. Therefore you should not be covered with the good purposes when you criticize darling. If you want to make it better, then only the working way is described in paragraph 2 of this article.
It does not make sense to say with irritation about how it was necessary to arrive otherwise, emphasizing insufficient ingenuity of the partner (even if he indeed did not show sharpness) - it cannot already be changed. Do not forget that you nearby in order that to support him, but not to condemn. The criticism will only cause irritation to you which in the future will collect and it will become obligatory hostility. That is, if you act this way, then only for a moment amuse the vanity (upon you become better not, and only you deceive yourself for some time), and in exchange receive unambiguous deterioration in the relations and finally - a gap or unfortunate marriage.
I think, everyone at least once saw couple in which partners constantly try to reproach each other with something and are spat by poison, just spoiling each other lives - it is the last stage (which inevitably comes at wrong behavior). And everything began with small criticism. It as snowball. It only increases and accelerates. It is terribly difficult to return back everything! Therefore it is never very important and to begin to criticize under no circumstances .
5. If incidentally one of partners offended another, then he has to apologize surely (as soon as possible).
Egoism needs just to be “switched off“ here. And in spite of the fact that you consider yourself right on some specific question, you are not right that you offended darling. And this wrongfulness 10 times more any other correctness. Therefore it is necessary to apologize most sincerely and gently for offense. And the partner is obliged sincerely apologizing to forgive right there. Without using the allegedly victorious position (time to you came with apologies) and without trying to prolong this position and longer “to enjoy“ it.
If not to apologize for offense (and quickly), then the reason of dispute will quickly be forgotten, and the grievance here nursed will collect and develop into irritation, and inevitably in the future will destroy love. Think, what is more important!?
And if not to accept sincere apologies, without tormenting repentant, then the desire to apologize at the person quickly will be gone and in the future he will not hurry to apologize any more that everything will bring to the same to the nursed grievance and gradual destruction of feelings. All know how difficultly sometimes to recognize the mistakes (even obvious) so it is a sign of big love and respect if the person came to you with apologies. Consider it and do not torment him!
And here one more interesting rule works. Not the one who the first offended the partner, and the one who offended in reply is more guilty! All of us are people, and everyone can be mistaken. And here the purposeful answer is a revenge, and it has no justifications any more.
6. And the last...
It is very important to h2 not to forget
that if we want to be darlings and to love all life, it is constant only increasing this feeling and from it becoming rather happy, then to us it is necessary to work constantly and laboriously on the relations and to step mercilessly on a throat to any manifestations of egoism (especially at an initial stage of the relations). Otherwise, in my opinion, it does not make sense and to begin.
In my opinion, silly to try to construct the relations, without using the special efforts and hoping for a miracle (which will not be!) . As a result you receive only the spoiled life and embitternment to an opposite sex.
Some perceive the relations as war where everyone by means of the cunning achieves the objectives, crossing through desires of the partner. These so-called “victories“ as a result of always come to an end with the general and total defeat on the love front. Unless they are worth it?!
Love each other more, than itself is the only way fortunately!