Rus Articles Journal

Why it is impossible to marry?

on a marriage are written a set of articles and books. In them 1000 and 1 way are stated as to make it simpler, easier and quicker.

Some councils really work, and some are not present. And the most important - helps it to not everyone. This science comes to someone easily, someone has very weak places over which it is worth working. But for a start it is worth realizing that for this purpose is necessary.

We will consider in more detail. Safely to marry, it is desirable for :

to be able to draw attention of men necessary to you;

to be able to build up the long-term relationship with them;

it is positive to span to perceive a family and to wish to have it;

to receive the offer of a hand and heart.

So why on some point there is a hitch? Why it is not possible to move off dead center? All matter in the intra personal conflict is a regress to the sphere unconscious, playing of the so-called “parental scenario“.

The intra personal conflict is a state in which the person has inconsistent and mutually exclusive motives, values and the purposes with which he cannot cope at present, cannot develop behavior priorities.

The scheme according to which the same infinite history is lost is drawn sometimes not by ourselves, it is formed long before us - our parents and more distant ancestors.

It is about family, parental scenarios of life which are described by the psychologist and the psychiatrist Eric Burn. “The scenario of life - the parental scenario“ is an extramental plan of life which the person in the main takes for himself as the guide to action in the childhood under the influence of parents, people, important for it, and events.

In more detail “scenario“ “registers“ by 18 years and... it is executed all life provided that the person will not want to realize it and is comprehended to change. So to speak, to rewrite.

The scenario is a message from parents how it is necessary to live how to behave in certain situations what bans and permissions, what behavior models, norms are morals and feelings are accepted, “wrong and forbidden“, and, of course, information on how parents behave that they do as as say about what they are silent and that hide … With all this “store of knowledge and skills“ we also go to adulthood.

And now we will consider on points.

1. Ability to draw attention of men necessary to you

If do not meet you, then it is worth reflecting that you broadcast to people around. Perhaps, it is a ban on sexuality, perhaps, internal fear of men (which independently is not realized) or something else.

One my client after performance of tasks found out that concerning men she lives by the principle “all men there are goats“ (all is a quantifier of a community). She remembered history from the childhood. Being 3-4 summer girl, she answered the question “how call your father?“ “goat“. She sincerely believed that this his name as mother always told “this a goat again called“ etc.

over time she understood that the goat in relation to men means, and further with “help“ of mother permanent disgust for an opposite sex which was based on a mother`s assessment was developed. Insidiousness is that it was extramental, but the behavior it showed it. Nothing surprising that to it 32, and it still was one.

2. Ability to build up the long-term relationship with men

If after 2 - 3 appointments of the man disappear, it is worth thinking of the stereotype of behavior. Besides the speech not about an isolated case, and about the repeating situations. Perhaps, you need to work over the following skills:

- your self-assessment;

- skills of communication, ability to listen and hear men;

- understanding of man`s psychology;

- appearance;

- ability to be reserved, not to force an event;

- ability not to hurry with the sexual relations.

3. The positive perception of a family and desire to have it

If for you a family and marriage is just need to receive the status; if, in your opinion, “marriage is a nonsense, all are unfortunate and get divorced“; if it is boring, but it is necessary, - you will hardly be able to marry as internally you are not ready to changes and actions.

For creation of a happy family it is required to learn communication with men, to refuse something in life, to look for places where men live, maybe, even to change a job, to change itself and the way of life. If “marriage - it is healthy and makes the woman happy“, then you, of course, will be able to overcome temporary difficulties. But again - it is necessary to find out the hidden installations.

A lot of things depend on in what family you grew up. If mother - the hysteric woman, and the father - the alcoholic, then negative installation to marriage is provided. You will transfer model of a parental family on, all or partially. If mother with the father live badly, then to look for at them the help it will hardly turn out. It is especially difficult to children`s home pupils to establish a family from - for lack of its model.

Respectively if the weak place in negative belief on the relation to a family, then it is necessary to change the beliefs and images, to rewrite parental programs of marriage. At once I will tell that change of an image and beliefs is not reading article, but daily performance of exercises. And quite long. But changes happen considerable. So it is worth it!

4. To receive the offer of a hand and heart

Sometimes it and remains dream. It is possible to meet long or to live for years in common, even to talk about registration and a wedding. Many propose marriage to men. But time goes, everything is somehow postponed for later, after promotion, purchases of the apartment etc. of

the Moment does not come, there is a quarrel, the man leaves. And in several months marries other woman. Next time it is possible even to submit the application to the REGISTRY OFFICE, but registration will not take place. You leave, and this man soon marries another.

In what here business? And everything is simple, the reason besides in tactics which you chose.