Jealousy: to whom it is not painful yet?
“Are jealous - means loves“ is a for a long time not romantic aphorism of times of battles on duels and not unambiguous popular wisdom.
Now it is more the created stereotype in which correctness of sense many couples blindly believe. Why still we persistently continue to look for the proof of love in manifestations of such phenomenon how jealousy? Really there are no other ways to show the feelings to darling or darling?
The jealousy is, first of all, mistrust and uncertainty in itself. And at all not in the partner. We doubt durability of the relations, the shortcomings, in they are we managed to equal hopes of the darling or darling whether could satisfy he (she) not only at the physical, but also emotional level.
We too love ourselves, from here and all problems. The desire to make the person not just by a half, and private property sometimes affects mentality “loving“, he becomes recklessly keen on the partner`s life that often results in obsession. Wine to everything is old - kind “uncle“ Egoism which dictates the love terms, first of all, to itself(himself).
Why? It would seem, love - mutual feeling why then we go in cycles in ourselves as on object of desired love? It is possible to think, it is necessary to us more. And in fact and leaves.
The jealousy seldom arises from scratch. The reason is usually covered that the attention of the favourite person switched to other object, whether it be a new hobby, work or the nice girl. In a similar situation the jealousy is a consequence of a lack of time and attention which give us. It is more likely an objective factor.
Not always the reasons are covered in the relations, sometimes last experience plays a role more considerable, especially if it was bitter. Having burned time or having experienced treachery in the past, everyone will doubt fidelity of the new partner. We will compare even more often similar life situations, predicting consequences, but seldom considering the true reasons of own suspicions.
You should not support in yourself this feeling, it is better to learn to trust and overcome the fears. If you see that you too often are exposed to jealousy attacks from the partner, then help it to cope with uncertainty in yourself better. But do not provoke at all even if there was a wish for sharpness of feelings. Jump with a parachute better or take a cold shower - both calms, and refreshes.
Of course, jealousy often cause specially to check, loves or is not present. Only the way is risky. Throwing up firewood in a home fireplace, you look, as if not to burn the house. Walls of these two constructions happen very thin.
To admit honestly, it is always pleasant to realize that darling / darling cannot find any peace, asking on a secret dinner after which “the sudden fatigue“ dumped from legs, on new friends of an opposite sex (and, according to our halves, “the friendship between the man and the woman does not exist!“), about a beautiful dress without cause etc. Of course, without these everyday shake-ups there will not be enough bright paints and a variety. But it is always necessary to know when to stop as the way to the unhealthy relations can become very short.
The famous philosopher B. Spinoza somehow called jealousy difficult affect, “consisting at the same time of love and hatred to a favourite face and envy to the one whom he loves“. In fact, the jealousy consists of mix of feelings. It and offense that me is neglected, and pain that I am betrayed, and fear that I will be thrown, and shame that I am insufficiently good.
But the jealousy would be absolutely harmless state if not an element of aggression connected with desire to overcome the competitor. When it to become impossible, it is directed to the provoker, from - for it there are scandals and quarrels.
Jealousy - not the constant companion of love, but love without jealousy - as a rainbow without rain. However it is extremely important to remember that this art to cause more evil to, than to others.