“Second“ wife. To what it is necessary to be ready?
Each girl for certain dream of a happy marriage and that it turned out, as in the fairy tale: “They lived long and happily and died in one day“. However life is richer than any imagination. And people, assuming that marriages consist in heaven, at times think that there they also break up.
Therefore after the first unsuccessful matrimony go to a thorny road in search of new love, new happiness. Everything would be good, but not to hide the past in a case as not to conceal a pricker in a bag and the opinion of society presses. To what the ready “second“ wife needs to be not to break the family boat against inevitable reeves of memoirs and the saved-up experience, public stereotypes?
we Will remember fairy tales
Once upon a time there were great queen and the king, and everything at them was fine and remarkable. So far at childbirth the queen does not quit this world and does not leave the unfortunate king with the little daughter. Here on a scene there is also a bright negative image of the angry quarrelsome second wife - stepmothers. But life is not the fairy tale.
the Subsequent wife is worse previous?
I Think, many heard this phrase or on it similar: “The first wife - from God, the second - from people, and the others - from a devil“. Perhaps, only in fairy tales a stereotype “each subsequent wife is worse previous“ is repaid.
Something is offensive in a combination “the subsequent wife“, I would tell, mathematical. As though it is not about the living person with feelings, thoughts, and about somebody the phenomenon, a thing.
It is favorable to whom to operate with opinion that the subsequent wives it is worse previous (and husbands, judging by popular wisdom, it is better and better each time)? Of course, to the first wives. In - the first that to hold the husband in a family. In - the second that to offend the subsequent wife.
But unless it is possible by means of fear “better me in the whole world not to find“ to attach the man to itself forever? Men diffident, flabby which probably did not communicate with other women at all will come across this trick.
It is impossible to humiliate the woman with the fact that she “second“ because the knowing the own worth, wise women know - it is not the account, the main thing - love and the husband`s attitude towards her. And if the first wife has only one advantage - she was the first wife, then, you see, it is a pity for the poor woman.
People can be mistaken and study on the mistakes therefore it is logical to assume that grown wise experience of the man make more right choice. Though there are fans to step on the same rake repeatedly.
Statistically, the “second“ wives are younger than previous, it is more beautiful externally and second marriage is stronger than the first. However, to these statistical data primenitelen a joke: “What average temperature at us on hospital? Well, at one patient +40, at another in a morgue -40. It turns out, zero - average temperature...“. whether
Happen spouses former?
according to the psychotherapist Bert Hellinger, the author of a method of system family arrangements, the former spouses is not, everyone takes the place in life, in consciousness of the person. The first spouse or the second, third - all of them carry out the role. However often to understand that the previous wives to you not competitors, as well as not girlfriends, very difficult. Especially in case of continuous comparison in behavior, acts the husband and imposings by the first wife of such game - competition: who better looks, who is more successful in career etc. The exhausting rivalry to the present spouse at all to anything - she is also so loved, elected the husband, and it is the most correct to direct the energy not to a showdown with the ex-wife, and to pleasant pastime, caress and attention to the spouse.
From rational approach to the past of the husband, and all previous wives - the past, depends your future. You not in forces to change negative experience of the spouse, but in your hands to make so that the new relations were others - pleasant and delightful, easy, with happy end.
Apple of discordSo often call by
children from the previous marriages. Or still compare them to the Trojan Horse, say, and on a threshold of the house they cannot be let at all. But you should not forget that when in a festive atmosphere the REGISTRY OFFICE you told treasured “yes“, you undertook also all obligations, all debts, all responsibility of the spouse. Therefore also children of darling - your children, your cares. Attempt to be fenced off from them will not lead to good - the husband will have an impression that his alarms and expectations are absolutely indifferent for you, it will have the life, separate of a family.
Other question that it is necessary to stipulate in common the sums of payment of the alimony, meetings with children not to the detriment of a new family. It is healthy if it turns out to come into good contact with the husband`s kids, it is only desirable to remember that you will never be better than native mother whatever she useless was. And why to you to ego-trip on the child? Allow it to keep a light image of mother - it will be your undoubted advantage, so you will preserve mentality of young creation, will please the husband (once he loved that woman, lived with it). Reproaches, insults to the previous spouse will obviously not decorate you. Think of yourself, the love, the development and do not litter the head with evil thoughts, words.
So if the woman feels favourite, irresistible, only, then for her it is indifferent, what she on the account and as the previous spouses behave that say that they think. It depends on confidence in the forces as the new wife, fortress of mutual love and the competent relation of the husband to current situation.