What to do with excessive sentimentality?
Question: “Very much it is not pleasant to the husband when I pay (if it does not concern physical pain or something unusual bad occurred), for example, when I pay from - for the fact that I lack a variety in life (I sit with the child 2,6 years) that the husband does not do serious work which I it asked to make in the apartment or does not go with us for a walk on the street for 2 months (speaks why to two parents to walk with the child if one can be engaged in something in another at this time - in his case - the computer).
In general I sometimes catch myself on thought: well, why here I pay now (tears are rolled), the standard situation to cry and it is not necessary. For example, almost always I watch movies with tears (not violently, and it is rolled, sometimes and it is direct to crying) and with the bad end, and the movie where show careful and tender feelings of mother and child. Sometimes, when I watch on the street as mother some sincerely kisses the small child. Today here, listening during the holiday devoted on May 9, verses on the dead and on unhappy destiny of those people.
Itself I know that I am sentimental, but not to the same degree - I cannot constrain a tear and everything, at least at the husband. How to make it?“
Me it seemed to that you unite two various problem situations in one. The first is your sentimentality and tendency to express emotions tears. The second are tears in those situations which cause disappointment of the husband.
All these situations are unpleasant for the husband, and tears here most likely are perceived by him not as just tears and as your last argument with the purpose to overpersuade him.
Whether the husband expresses disappointment or hostility when you cry over the sad movie or you be touched on the street to someone`s gentle relations? Whether expression of these unpleasant feelings in both cases is identical (the first when tears are connected with actions, the second when are not connected)?
Well, let`s argue about regularities of excessive sentimentality. High sensitivity to experiences of literary heroes, to the situations which are not assuming an intensive emotional involvement I think, it is possible to call excessive, especially considering that it disturbs all three participants of our work.
Statistically such phenomenon as excessive sentimentality begins to be shown and disturb sharply usual life when contact with the world of feelings is broken. For example, when owing to some reasons it is necessary to quash a long time the feelings. If in a family there is a seriously ill person and it is necessary to constrain a grief at its presence. Or the emotional girl establishes a family with the phlegmatic low-emotional person who considers manifestation of feelings as weakness, unnecessary sloppy sentimentality... And then, to be the accepted such man and his family, the woman long time should quash the feelings.
But they cannot be long suppressed therefore find a way out or in psychosomatics (quite often it happens a hypertension), or in sentimentality, where to express feelings is more or less acceptable. Such situations become as if the valve for feelings - the feelings are more crushed, the valve is required more often, the sentimental tears become more uncontrolled.
Here we leave out of the equation situations when tears become the lever of impact on the husband, argument in own favor.
We will continue work with emotions, with their designation and recognition of their place in everyday daily occurrence. If emotions can be expressed, but are not suppressed at the time of emergence, they do not have special need to be saved and stream then when viewing the movie or when listening news.
So, exercise pervo e. Let`s call it conditionally: “Stop, a moment!“ During the day several times (the more the better), not less than 10 when you have a couple of minutes of free time, you speak: “Stop! What do I feel right now?“ and mentally you touch the feelings which are available at the moment. It is good if it is possible to be to itself so attentive that it will turn out to penetrate and designate even small shades and nuances of the felt state.
Exercise the second . To pay attention how there are a lot of words designating feelings, you use in the ordinary speech? As a rule, on average it turns out 10 - 15, it is necessary to increase this number twice in 10 days which it will be necessary to carry out these exercises.
Exercise the third . Empatichesky guesses - guesses about what is felt by people around. If you go in transport, it is possible, having glanced at fellow travelers, to dream up about what they feel. It is possible to podogadyvatsya about relatives, with members of household it is possible to try and to receive feedback about that how exact were your guesses. Children of the advanced preschool age can already be involved in game in empatichesky guesses - there will be only an advantage. And to you, and the child - both your dictionary of feelings, and the child against interesting pastime will extend.
We will sum up the intermediate result of performance of these exercises in 10 days of obligatory daily performance. It will become visible what changes as feelings get permission to be present at life legally.