Why we address the psychologist and why we leave disappointed?
the Profession of the psychologist or psychotherapist in our country exist long ago. And recently the number of graduates of the relevant faculties, in my opinion, exceeded long ago needs for representatives of this profession. Nevertheless it seems that existence of a large number of psychologists does not improve a situation with mental health and wellbeing of the population in any way. Why it occurs?
Of course, the reasons - weight. Let`s stop only on one of numerous aspects of a problem.
There is a “national“ idea of work of the psychologist and of when and for what to the psychologist go. According to this representation, to the psychologist go:
- to be uttered;
- behind support;
- to help to affect on people around;
- to receive certain concrete (and more often and not really concrete) council.
Actually from the psychologist also wait for it. And it is unconditional, these aspects are present at work of the psychologist too. But whether they are main? And whether it is worth following to the psychologist it? To allow to be uttered and support also close people can. For the psychologist to be limited to these functions - all the same what to crush a nut with a steam hammer. And the practical psychology can give much more essential help: to teach the person to do without the help of the psychologist, to help it to become more independent, responsible, realizing.
Pay attention to the last point of expectations from the psychologist: to help to affect on people around. As it is characteristic: to direct all forces to changing others! But how the psychologist can help? To teach to build up the relationship in a new way? But is it effective? Whether the person will be able, having remained the same, to build up rather new relationship? Perhaps, but hardly. Actually going to the psychologist, it is necessary to understand that the psychologist:
1) cannot solve your problems for you;
2) is not obliged to divide or support your living position;
3) is not obliged to lie to be pleasant;
4) should not give advice.
By and large the only thing that in the psychologist`s forces: to help you to look at the life situation on the other hand - for example, eyes of your relatives with which you clash. Or to see prospects of development of the situation which you did not notice. Or to trace the motives of your acts hidden from you.
Respectively, it is also worth following it to the psychologist. But you should not wait from it for a miracle. It can only help you to change, but nobody is able to make it for you. In fact, psychologist`s task: to help the person to become more adult, independent, responsible. More realizing and flexible in the feelings and decisions. But and adult it is impossible to become responsible for the instruction! Responsibility can learn, but it is impossible to follow at the same time instructions (in fact, shifting responsibility for the life to the psychologist) and to become more independent. Here either one, or another.
One business - to give support and a consolation in a difficult life situation, and absolutely another - to turn itself into “vest“, and the client - into the crying “child“ needing someone who he will become constant to be consoled. And it only strengthens his tendency to become in a position “accepting“, “weak“, “needing support“ - and in fact, a children`s position. Of course, the psychologist can give also such support - certainly, for money. Moreover: from purely mercantile point of view, even such position of the client is favorable to it. Then the client will begin to go to him “behind support and a consolation“ regularly, paying money and continuing to need similar “help“ further. Also illusion is created that all are happy: the client receives that he wants, at the same time without any need to strain and work on himself; the psychologist receives money, not especially troubling himself work.
Here only the life situation of the client does not improve in any way - and it is possible, even worsens, giving new reasons for the request for “psychological assistance“. And the similar help quite can (yes in general, and close people have to) to render: family, friends. Function of the psychologist absolutely other - to help the client most to resolve a difficult life situation. To be exact, to help to find ability to cope independently with vital difficulties.
Yes, it is a hard work for both: both consultant, and client. Heavy because the mentality of the person can seek to keep stability. Any intervention aiming at changes (even if favorable), is perceived as attempt to break the developed balance. It does work on itself painful and unpleasant, often blocking idea about need and an opportunity to change. And to feel sorry for itself and to demand pity from others - the deadlock way supporting habitual, but not constructive ways of interaction with the world. And finally only aggravating a situation.
Is it worth going to the psychologist that for own money it is worse to make for himself? Moreover and to complicate for itself an opportunity further to receive the qualified psychological assistance. You already addressed! And were already disappointed in psychologists who did not manage to help you. Though it is possible the matter is that your expectations from work of the psychologist and reality did not coincide. Perhaps, the psychologist was not limited to consolations, and tried to help you to realize the reasons of current situation. And these reasons did not fit into the available picture of the world and themselves in the world in any way.
Perhaps even, you learned the certain truth, unpleasant for yourself or for a moment looked at a situation the stranger`s eyes (and can be, and eyes of your opponents and “offenders“). But does not belong to the psychologist`s duties in any way to amuse the client`s ego - opposite, this ego (more precisely, a world picture) already resulted it in need to ask for the help.
And most important. The psychologist can and has to help to see the prospects hidden from the client, to realize possibilities of the choice. But the psychologist cannot and should not give advice how to arrive in this or that life situation. Just because you have to make decisions concerning the acts because responsibility for your life lies only on you.