To mother on a note: “Fathers and their children“. How to involve the father in education of the child?
to raise children, to women are not required to finish special courses: in us the motherhood is put by the nature. We intuitively feel the child, we know in what situations it is necessary to show softness and in what - hardness. For council we do not hesitate to address mother, girlfriends, encyclopedias, doctors.
Absolutely differently the situation is at men. The nature seldom endows them with “educational“ ability. They much less than we, think of need to become in the child`s life if not the main thing then the significant person. Often we meet a position, absolutely typical for men: I earn money, the rest - care of mother. At the same time in soul they absolutely sincerely love the children. But we - that, women, understand what for the child does not matter how many money the father to the house brought, it is much more important for it other qualities.
I consciously bypass a subject of the beginning of the relations at infantile age because more often the family scenario develops in such a way that in our hard time the father is forced to work more diligent while mother with the kid are at home. Therefore possibilities of communication of the father and the child can be very limited to time. I will tell only that even in this situation it is impossible to be afraid to leave the father in private with the kid on about two one or three hours in the same day off.
Mother interested in that the child had a close connection with the father should be the builder of their relations. This hard task demanding application of a step, and sometimes even acting skills, always costs the spent efforts. When the child and the father become the best friends, in a family the harmonious relations develop, and the developed stereotype will become base for creation of own happy family in the future of the child.
At conversation with the husband on this subject you, most likely, will hear in reply a number of objections: well I can give it now? Here will grow …
Unfortunately when grows, the child will already cope itself, and even will independently choose to himself the authority (the teacher, other relative) to whom he will follow council or support. And it is important to explain it to the husband. But it is a half of business. Even the understanding of an essence and an affirmative nod will hardly be followed by some certain actions from the father. And if follow - that can quite be the cause for not contents of you.
First of all you need most to understand that men were not given those qualities which are inherent in women. Men are more rough, not more tolerantly, are sometimes inclined to irritability, and are often simply lazy in those questions which to them are uninteresting. Therefore it is better not to set certain tasks for the father and not to wait for miracles. Better most to become the participant of their communication on the first couples. Golden rules which need to be observed at the same time: never to criticize the father in the presence of the child, especially - at their joint occupations. If you are dissatisfied with something - address both at once: “You could not more quietly?“
Should not “teach“ the husband how to behave if at them something is not got on with the child in communication. Show it the example better as it is possible to find a way out.
If joint game or occupation became a serious reason for quarrel, find out who is right who is guilty by method of poll of each party separately. Find an optimum way of reconciliation which will not wound self-esteem of either the father, or the child.
Respect and support desire of the husband to teach something the baby. Do not stop it even in case you consider that the chosen occupation does not correspond to age (unless occupations mean work with dangerous objects).
Be not afraid to leave them together and to charge them some affairs. The kindergarten gave a task to make a Christmas-tree decoration? At school - to make a nesting box? Delegate powers to the father. But with a condition of indispensable participation in business of the child.
Joint work - the easiest way for rapprochement. The father and the child are more often will be busy with common causes, the quicker they will understand each other, the their mutual attachment will become closer. And it is unimportant, the father learns to assemble the plane the daughter, and the son - to peel potatoes. Important the fact that at present the foundation of their relations for the rest of life is laid.