Why a civil marriage - the evil?
come back to this subject Again. I and really so consider: a civil marriage - the evil. This my opinion and as specialist in family consultation, and as person, some time being in a civil marriage and nearly fifteen years married official.
we Will leave out of the equation interpretation of a civil marriage as any marriage registered in a registry office. Let`s not use negatively painted word “cohabitation“. Let`s look narrowly more fixedly at the phenomenon. Here main postulate of supporters of a civil marriage.
It is considered to be that the civil marriage is an opportunity better to know each other, there is a wish to look narrowly, understand or not to continue to build further the relations with this person. Therefore, it seems, before us the serious weighed position of two adults, their mutual consent to such reasonable form of relationship.
However often couples choose this way not to complicate own life obligations. When partners are in a civil marriage, they “as if train“ in family life, they are spouses for fun. In this situation the woman because the society to it is more strict suffers more often, and duties she receives the most real, routine and daily, as in the real family. And here psychological security as in an official family, does not receive.
What now was told about the low importance of a stamp in the passport, it makes value and sense. Of course, the stamp in itself will hold nobody in a family. Nevertheless as the official conclusion of the relations demands bigger determination and responsibility, therefore, and cancellation is also accompanied by big thoughts and efforts. Moreover, when official marriage takes place, spouses make efforts on its preservation much more often - take time for thoughts, do not act rashly, visit the psychologist. In a civil marriage often at emergence of difficulties of the relation collapse much quicker and easier. Of course, in each case exceptions are possible, reasonings at the level of tendencies are given here.
As in our family culture it is especially not accepted to specify that the person puts in this or that statement or an act, we are more inclined to conjecture, assume for the person, the offer “Let`s Live Together“ for speaking and listening can make absolutely various sense. From “Let`s get married“, almost “Let`s get married“ to “I want to have more often sex“.
For example, the woman considers the offer to gather the first step on the way to an altar, joyfully packs things and moves. Looks forward on February 14, considering that it is very romantic - to receive the offer this day. Does not receive. Waits on March 8. The negative begins to collect, there are quarrels. But there is the last chance to keep the relations and to transfer them to the official course - to become pregnant. The woman and does, and the man leaves, he did not plan to marry so early / at this difficult vital moment / in this country / this woman - necessary to emphasize.
When illusions break against reality, there is an explosion, and the relations with a high probability collapse. It is possible to tie the partner sense of guilt and responsibility, but from this too nothing good leaves.
Now it is a little about an opportunity to know each other better. As the civil marriage is a marriage for fun, it psychologically becomes continuation of the period of courting which main objective - to show the best qualities before the potential partner and to hold doubtful. Therefore, it is possible to know better not the partner in all his manifestations, and his facade. Plus to everything, in couple collects tension created by efforts on preservation of a facade and to how not to let the partner further ahead of time to lines and qualities which are not considered as front doors.
I assume that happy couples in a civil marriage exist, they do not reach consultants, they do not need it. However very often the phrase “We are happy in a civil marriage!“, alas, is not true.