Whether have to grandmothers and the grandfather to bring up the child?
Participation of grandmothers in education of grandsons - in the spirit of worthy Russian traditions.
About one year the child is in great need in mother and the father - in those people with whom he constantly lives therefore it is desirable not to leave the kid for a long time. It is possible to give the child for several days to grandmothers - grandfathers with one and a half, and it is even better, since two years, but only in that case when between a family and the grandmother there is a continuous communication when the grandmother often visits the grandson, and he knows that she ““, “native“.
To give the small child to the grandmother who seldom sees the grandson - means to cause him a trauma. The children`s melancholy for parents, subjective feeling that it was “thrown“, can lead to emergence of fears and nervousness. When parents need to leave for a while without child, can be the softest option if the grandmother herself moves for several days to the grandson - so to the kid will be more habitual and quieter.
If the child got used to the grandmother, then, remaining with it, he receives the mass of positive emotions: in total - grandmothers - grandfathers are usually more skilled, is wiser and more patient than parents. They do not hurry for work and can find for the child a lot of personal time and attention where both the infinite reading over of children`s books, and telling of humourous catchphrases, fairy tales, listening of children`s impressions, readiness without shadow of annoyance enters to answer infinite questions, preparation of the labor-consuming dishes loved by the child, later - joint designing, board games, visit of circles, the help with lessons. It happens even so that when during the teenage period at the child tension with parents is fueled, the grandmother - the grandfather becomes for it the adviser, the authorized representative or an outlet.
There are, of course, special situations which do not do well to the child: extremely exacting and controlling or excessively indulging and indulging grandsons grandmother. But much more often primogenitors differ in the position balanced, not burdened with superexpectations concerning grandsons. Lack of strict requirements to behavior of the child allows them to understand well grandsons and to accept children such what they are, without estimates and condemnation.
It is necessary to consider, however, that some children on the warehouse especially difficult transfer changes therefore it is important that the kid got used to the grandmother gradually. If she lives nearby, then at first it is joint walks for a couple of hours, then together the whole evening, and then and the whole day. Some children perfectly feel with the grandmother all day, and here do not like to stay overnight, in the evening sharply miss parents and the house. Then it is more preferable than spending the night of the grandmother at the grandson. Anyway the child should be warned about prospect to spend several days with the grandmother and to give him a positive spirit in advance: let him know that it is waited by a small adventure and big grandmother`s care.
If the grandmother lives together with the adult child and the grandson or comes for a long time on a visit or takes the grandson to herself, then there is a sense to agree about the principles of education of grandsons in such big family. The main options can be three:
1. To decide that each of adults can have own views of education of grandsons and define own strategy of interaction with them. It is easy to make it where the relations between generations are based on mutual trust and respect and there are no basic divergences in questions of education.
2. To recognize that the chief experts in questions of education of children are grandmothers - grandfathers owing to their richer life experience and the wisdom acquired over the years. Then parents of the child or carry out an education praottsovskuyuliniya, or are discharged of this process.
3. To accept that the chief tutors of children are their parents and they define the main strategy and rules of education, and the task of grandmothers - one of these options begins to follow of
Usually according to the tacit agreement between family members or to make a reservation aloud to avoid misunderstanding.
It is easy for many parents to entrust the child to grandmothers - the personal happy experience and warm children`s memories of time spent with the grandmother about her caring and skillful hands, radiant attentive eyes helps.
If grandmothers - grandfathers do not hurry to participate in life of grandsons, then, certainly, it is worth asking and insisting on it patiently: it is not always simple to senior generation to change the former settled habits. It demands time and assumes gradualness, “maturing“. Some grandmothers already managed to forget how to treat the baby, and it is rather terrible to them to accept new care. Then there is a sense to begin with inviting the grandmother on a visit and to give her the chance to stay - to play with the grandson in the presence of mother - fathers.
If grandmothers - grandfathers actively take part in destiny of grandsons, but at coordination of pedagogical positions there are disagreements, then to family members there is a sense to clear the following questions:
What my own beliefs concerning education of children?
Versions of answers of parents and grandmothers can be such:
- it is necessary to be severe with children, otherwise they will mount then upon a neck;
- in certain questions with children it is necessary to follow the rules, and in other situations it is worth being soft;
- the child needs to be supported in everything;
- cannot punish result children, it is possible to achieve only caress;
- children, having matured, learn that on what for now they small, they need to be indulged;
- all the best - to children;
- only I know that is actually necessary for the child;
- if constantly not to control the child in everything, then he will grow up the villain etc. of
Who at what moment and how bears responsibility for children?
- for children where they would not be, the parent therefore always bears responsibility if something goes wrong way, then in it wine of parents;
- that adult under whose supervision it is at present bears responsibility for the child;
- for results of education in the answer the grandmother as it she taught or did not teach the daughter to carry out parental tasks correctly;
- the child, being rather big, itself is responsible for the behavior in different situations.
It would be desirable to note at the same time that the concept of responsibility for children assumes also observance of conditions of its physical safety and health.
What relations between the senior generations?
Cooperation when education of children is the general problem of two senior generations, the view of its purposes coincides, parents and the most senior generation admit and accepted as competent authoritative adults.
On the other hand, grandmothers can decide that they are more qualified tutors therefore parents of the child have to obey to them. If it coincides with opinion of parents, then the pressure in the relations between generations does not arise. If parents adhere to the opposite point of view, then there will be competition relations when everyone tries to prove to another the case, often even to the detriment of safe feeling of the child. The jealousy in these relations usually generates a categoriality and intolerance in relation to all methods of education of other party and the conflicts between adults. The child then or feels guilty of these conflicts, or learns to use the conflict relations of adults with benefit for himself.
What my purposes of communication with children?
For parents and so forth
For grandmothers - grandfathers of options is more: receiving pleasure from communication, “the second youth“, entertainment in the free time, transfer of the many-sided experience to grandsons, an opportunity to fill internal emptiness from feeling of uselessness, a way of self-realization on pensions, the help and support in hard work of the children. And more difficult motive: compensation of feeling of fault for given short to the children.
Answers to these questions, their discussion can help to find optimum distribution of duties and to agree on rules of education of children. At the same time it is worth remembering that the love of grandmothers - grandfathers by the nature is unique. And all have differences of opinion, it is natural, they should not be completely eradicated. Development of the child in such environment where various opinions peacefully coexist, will allow it to grow at the open-minded person, benevolent and tolerant.