Why I am lonely? Why I am not lucky?
It were 38 years old, and can be 26 or 34, called it Svetlana. The natural blonde, harmonous, sports, with an excellent figure is slightly higher than average height: long legs, a slender waist, a high breast … hair are lower than shoulders. Nice person. It was dressed expensively and with taste and when began to speak, did it competently, friendly and very sensibly.
Minutes through forty conversation Sveta cried in a chair, asking in different ways one simple question “My God! Yes what is with me not so?!! Than I am worse than others?!! Why I am lonely?“
Learned themselves? Then before reading further, consider, please, here what - the text rather rigid, reading it, you almost for certain will experience negative emotions, are ready?
If the introduction has no to you the slightest relation, you, for example, - the man or married mother of three children, look, please, at other texts.
So, at the first, second, third and forty eighth look, Svetlana seemed the clear head, the beauty, the good person … The unsophisticated person would already believe in unhappy destiny of the woman, plot on loneliness, or secret sins of ancestors.
Here only all these explanations have value approximately same as options “statistically at our age it is the share of one woman … men and if to take away all alcoholics …“ - age and figures can substitute any. It has no value, Svetlana does not need hundreds of thousands or millions of men! It needs one - the one who will become her husband with whom she will establish a family. And it is not absolutely correct to apply laws of statistics to isolated cases.
Too concerns both plots on a celibacy and other damnations - paternosters. Let`s say Sveta or someone from her ancestors managed to get so someone from the znakomets that that in a fit of temper or on evil intention, nazhelat to the poor creature of bad. There is one small problem - a maximum that could with it angrily or a glupozhelatel to happen - it would have problems in case at Svetlana of a shower (mind, honor and conscience) lived in purity, a harmony and an order.
Other question if she is engaged in self-punishment, torturing itself for behavior, inadmissible according to her conscience. It happens, and with it it is possible and it is necessary to work.
But, it was not Svetin a case. She was the decent good nice woman who was not causing the special evil and anger of other people, and lived normal, decent life long in thirty eight lonely years.
So, we begin to sort all classical mistakes of the lonely woman which are available for our beauty and the clear head Svetlana.
1. In it there was no fire, life, a spark, a highlight, secrets - everyone differently calls this line. At all the wonderfulness it was boring as the good German car. To estimate its advantages, either the seller (matchmaker) or the test - the drive are necessary. And it is better, both, especially if to consider the price.
Light became habitually - imperceptible, in three minutes of contact. Because the fact that it applies for the serious relations with the worthy man was obvious, and here the fact that it costs efforts - is not present. There is a great number of girls simpler and brighter (more poorly, more thickly, more silly, more cleverly, more cold, more sexy, more poorly, more richly, the list is infinite. Sveta is not in it.)
In lonely women “for thirty“ very often there is no identity.
The most sad that once they had it, but they methodically and diligently etched her, conforming to norms and the rules which they gathered in magazines, books, movies and telecasts.
And therefore Svetlanina the girlfriend Kristya - frank less beautiful, vzbalomoshny and on - to Sveta`s opinion the strange person - is married the second time. Both times on love and are successful. About it is what to tell. With it is what to talk about.
Conversation with Svetlana - as reading the tax code, is useful, politely, friendly and approximately also fascinatingly and interestingly.
- Yes what devil`s identity is?!!! - fairly everyone was indignant “lonely Svetlana. “ - I was the abroad in ten countries, I read books, I go to theaters and the museums, I am engaged in fitness … (here I will interrupt transfer, and any will easily guess that he will be in this standard list of the beautiful, clever, kind woman. More precisely, there it is possible to add anything, to take away also quietly - nothing will change.) … A problem not that its hobby, its values and its appearance are typical, a problem that Sveta loves nothing sincerely and really.
As soon as though something from the Set Modern Business - the Madam will cause in it sincere genuine interest, in eyes that required spark of life, a spark, secret, gloss at once will appear.
It will become interesting to talk to it. It will be possible to tell something special about it, unique, characteristic only of it. It can be remembered. And other people will reach for this spark in soul.
2. Above all Svetlana is afraid to fall in love. But it is half-troubles. If she aspired to a good marriage of convenience, it would be even plus. But, no. Flatly refusing to love, our beauty wishes that loved her. And how you wanted? Everything, “honestly.“ I Will repeat
. Problem not that the modern bitch, manipulating, coolly tries to obtain love of the man whom she considered interesting. The problem is that Svetlana does not behave in any way: she does not love itself, and does not act on a need of the heart. She does not marry, being guided by common sense. She does not hunt men, does not manipulate their feelings, and does not use them in the purposes. She does not enter silly communications, following lust or reckless love. She “costs“ and waits when the man chooses it, will fall in love and will take in the wife. At the same time, she continues to remain the Snow Queen. However, that at least guessed to steal Kai, and Svetlana too good person for similar irresponsible actions.
What attracts in the young bride, beautiful Artemis - inaccessibility, coldness, detached appeal and beauty, without visible internal fire what serves as a call for the man when to the girl twenty, becomes a negative signal when to the woman nearly forty. Now similar qualities are perceived as an egocentrism, fear to spend themselves.
3. Infantility in the sphere of the interpersonal relations is included into an obligatory set of the lonely lady.
What it means?
Children`s, infantile behavior. Life in a certain illusory world, discrepancy of real qualities of the woman and her expectations from the man. For example, she can think that the husband will be a solver of its problems that he will bear full responsibility for her life that they will live in perfect harmony not thanks to patience, respect and love, and “by itself“.
The infantile woman can formulate the list of what she waits from the man for, and this list will be similar to qualities of the Ideal Father.
The question that it will give to the man, the husband, plunged Svetlana into a stupor. Because except the general phrase “I will give all myself, I will love etc.“, from it asked to write specifically what it is ready to do for the spouse and to do with pleasure.
The woman was revolted, her thoughts came back all the time to the fact that It owes it. And if it is not about the Prince charming (rich, kind, gentle, strong, resolute ….) and about the same person as it, the person interested to love and be darling, with the weaknesses, fears, habits, with elderly parents, and, maybe, children from first marriage, why it such family?
This concentration of attention only on the I want, on the beliefs, and indignation at the requirement to provide to the partner an equal share of respect, love and attention, and there are manifestations of the infantile behavior which is pulling down destiny of the beautiful, clever and successful woman`s life in other areas.
So far her men will not be interesting to Sveta until she learns to respect them, and especially to love, the loneliness will surely define her life.
What is freedom? It is an opportunity to consciously make the choice and to bear responsibility for its results. The woman can choose loneliness, choose to remain such as she is now. And can make a choice for changes, changes of the habits, a view of the world and other people, training in new skills of communication and the relations.
Adoption of conscious decisions on some questions does us by adults, reduces infantilism.
4. The reckless thoughtless belief in the popular winged frazochka read anywhere, often in a separation from a context leads to what the clever woman begins to tell as the got doll.
For example, she tens of times read that “the person comes to this world absolutely one, and leaves alone“. This motto serves for it literally as the indulgence, the right to live life dullly sobbing in a pillow instead of dealing with a problem, and to present happiness to itself, the man and the children.
If the day before Sveta read that “scientists established, the way to the man lies through his stomach, by means of feeding by oysters“, then she, a fine kulinarka will torture the man with oysters. And if he manages to inform it of thought that “it“ does not eat, she will consider that it got the rejected copy. Not the magazine where she read next “revelation“, and the man …
Having read to councils for communicative technicians, it will realize a proverb “force the fool Bogu to pray, he will hurt the forehead“. Ignoring desire to burst into tears, it it will be proud to bite lips and builds conversation on “positive“. And in a situation when to it it is ridiculous, will manage to follow advice “From Bitches“ and to represent offense as in the book it is written.
It would seem that such difficult to be themselves and with friendly interest to treat people? And various psychotechnicians and councils to consider in the beginning, then to check accurately whether work, whether are true, whether suit it and her elect, and then already to do by a habit or to throw out.
For the Bitch it is natural to manipulate, machinate, follow the whims, to shine. And the Bitch achieves success.
For the Real Woman it is natural to stop konyashka at full tilt, to run to extinguish log huts, to marry for Kind Molodtsev and to give birth them to sons - athletes and daughters - beauties.
For the Blonde it is natural to be silly, naive, kind, helpless, amusing and open as the abc-book.
For Lady Vamp, for the Middle-aged Yesenin`s Girl, for the Aunt Glashi from next Prodmaga, for the Modern Fairy, for the Ordinary Woman, for …. Hundreds and hundreds of models of female behavior as a result yield successful result.
But Svetlana, the lonely clear head and the beauty manages to take a two-three of tricks from each of them, and something so impractical that she cannot understand - what it real what she wants and why does what does as a result turns out.
5. - You are not right! - someone from observant and kind readers will exclaim. - There are fans of snails, flavourless flowers, and in general, on each goods - the merchant, popular wisdom says!
- Yes, - I will answer. - All so! Yes only one more small such problem is available for our Svetlana!
How you think how many free men are among her acquaintances? No, do not answer, wait a moment. In the beginning, please, remember how many such men are among your acquaintances. Remembered? And here at Sveta - only two!!!!!
At the woman who works, travels, has a hobby, money and free time and which wishes to marry, only two familiar men are not married.
I will ask the following question. And you think that Svetlana actively to get acquainted, communicates with men? To learn to understand them, to come into contacts?
No. To it it is terrible, she does not know as, it is indecent, it is not accepted, there are no free men, it has to will appear itself, all the same nothing will turn out - what there still will be in rationalization of its inaction?
All right, all right. Let`s say she somehow did not pay attention to this moment. And now, saw, and … and nothing.
Present that for some reasons you are faced by a task - to get acquainted in a month with ten single guys. How you think, you will cope? What you will begin with? What emotions it will cause in you? What you think it is possible to make first of all?
In fifteen minutes of reflections, and in thirty minutes of discussion of a question with relatives, by a family and friends, usually it becomes clear, as in a week it is possible to communicate in about ten lonely uncles. In what a problem - that?
And here for Svetlana it is easier to think up national idea of development of Russia, to relieve the country of corruption, not to mention such trifles how to jump with a parachute, to earn a two-three of millions of rubles a year or to live all life, suffering from loneliness.
To get acquainted and with interest to treat potential partners - is higher than its forces. This requirement, like free flight in space, alive and without equipment. Something, so wild and silly. How so?! She, the woman who wants to marry and establish a family, will report about it to people around moreover and will meet someone who can make it happy?!!! No! Who where, and Svetlana - to suffer.
To solve a loneliness problem to the woman “for thirty“ is simpler and more effective from this point. It is necessary to get acquainted and learn to communicate with living men. To be interested in them, to recognize them, to recognize itself. To be rather open in the desire to marry and at the same time to respect desire of freedom and independence in the partner in communication.
Then to be run on other points and to deal with the loneliness reasons. Usually, somewhere in the course of this fascinating work, research of and creation of new habits in behavior, the woman marries. Or, suddenly, distinctly and clearly understands that she absolutely there does not wish, and wishes something another.
Anyway, the success is inevitable if to file a few efforts, reason and feeling.