How to start anew?
Housing, work, money. Friends, family, colleagues. Passengers in the subway, pedestrians on streets. The nearby, strangers around. Residence, vacation spots, routes of travel. Distance from the house before work.
Tasty food, favourite magazines, music, cinema, Internet. The car, roads, the working radio, traffic jams. Plans, obligations, contracts. Checks, reports, preparatory period, actions.
To be entered in the schedule, to manage to make everything, to sleep then. To feel shoulder pain, to strain at a meeting with the chief, for the first time to break tooth. To meet the grown stout classmate, to attend to a body weight, to put the first crown instead of the broken tooth.
To think of life. To think of death. To shudder from these thoughts. To move very much back, in youth, away from a hated old age. To buy new jeans. To want love which does not happen, as at cinema. Or to write the novel.
To feel own force in business, to wave away from troubles, to squeeze through difficulties, clenching teeth, to press on personal and others`.
To be behind barricades of walls and extensions, not to know about their fragility and emptiness behind them. Not to feel a bottom. Not to have a core.
To drive from itself alarm, to wish bigger. To understand what passed half-lives in anabiosis.
To try to look for the help at friends and relatives, to receive from them a consolation, support, to fall from their care into anabiosis.
To decide to start everything anew. To present the future which does not happen, as to cinema. To desperately want freedom. To release brakes.
To face at a speed unknown, to find out that barricades from a cardboard. To learn about emptiness behind them. To begin to fall.
To sell soul for the power, to lose reference points, to cease to understand something in this life. To shout internally for horror or pain, externally not to find words, to exist perplexed.
To complete meditation courses, to calm down externally, to boil internally for rage. To want to take a revenge from life, to lose trust to others and itself.
To begin and throw the relations, to be confused in own feelings, to accept foreign desires for, - for others, to cease to wish in general.
To feel a remorse, to suspect itself of meanness, to accuse of dishonesty of others. To try to learn to love, to believe that everything it is possible to correct, not to decide to work.
To feel that the help is necessary, on any of the specified stages to have an opportunity to receive it.
To consider offers from psychologists, to feel interest and trust in one of them. To pass through doubts and excuses, to make the first appointment.
To join in the therapeutic relations - through interest, resistance, courage, delivery, cooperation, trust, check, a support, support, experiments. To begin to enjoy work with itself, to set the personal purposes, to reach them.
To leave anabiosis, it is more in it not to enter. To feel a core, to replace the broken barricades of protection with strong personal borders, to feel a bottom, to start everything anew. To improve the relations, to understand feelings and desires, to bring order to the apartment - and to itself. To write qualitative articles, to find new work.
To feel support. To let in new life. To be surprised. To rejoice.
To learn to be adult and independent. To finish therapy.
To live, work, choose, love, to work, communicate - as there was always a wish.