Domestic violence: why women suffer?
Continuing conversation on female self-defense, we will concern the most widespread category of cases - domestic violence. In particular, violence in a family. The violence (physical and psychological), unfortunately, not really us surprises husbands concerning the wives. But let`s reflect: what forces the normal, healthy woman to suffer, sometimes for years, physical and moral humiliation? Not only physical weakness - this reason is important, but it is not main.
I already said that in open physical collision with the man chances of most of women are small, but in this case a problem not in it. In - the first, self-defense obviously assumes an inequality of forces (the essence of training in self-defense consists in getting advantage before physically stronger and self-assured opponent). In - the second, it is more correct to fight back at a conflict development stage, without allowing a manhandling. And in - the third, it is important not to win against the gone too far relative, and to show readiness and ability to stand for itself.
Yes, new flash of aggression can quite become the answer to resistance of “victim“. But ponder: you suffer anyway, it already occurs and, most likely, will occur further. Having decided on repulse, you get real chance forever to stop similar incidents.
However our women suffer, indulging cruelty and lawlessness. How women reason the inaction?
From our familiar women two fell into a state when the husband (drunk or with “the gone roof“) began to smother them. Smothered in both cases quite really, without encountering serious resistance. Both, by own words, fell into prostration, and subsequently, comprehending the incident, realized that they could and be dodushit if you want. Collisions came to the end without the victims just because blessed preferred to release the wife. In general these situations are very similar, however the reasons of passivity were different, and both of them are typical: fear and pity.
The first argument - fear . Many women simply - naprosto are afraid of countermeasures which can be provoked by their attempts to be protected. The immemorial principles “it will come to no good“ and “it would not be worse“ once again prevent us to make life a little better. I will not begin to claim as if this fear is not justified. It is well known that the “ordinary“ man is much stronger than the “ordinary“ woman. But to work in a forehead, opposing force to force, it is not obligatory at all.
So in what the reason of long-suffering of women in our culture? I will assume that a lot of things are explained by internal unavailability to go all the way in upholding of the rights and interests. It is impossible to be got involved in fight without determination to do everything possible.
Also the fact that development of the conflict towards inevitable confrontation can quite lead to disintegration of a family what most of women in our culture seek to avoid at any cost is important. “Though poorish, and the“, “Love Comes With Habit“, “What is, and to children the father“ - patient Russian women continue to teach the daughters. At the same time somehow it is not taken into consideration that consequences of divorce will be hardly worse than that life which the woman conducts now, living in dread and humiliation with the geek, the alcoholic or the sadist.
Unless for the children you dreamed of such father? What will be able children to learn at it? Perhaps, it is worth wondering: for what to cling to “union“ with the person doing you only one harm?
As for fear to suffer it is even more from the flown into a rage spouse, so it can overstep the bound also. Will drink more than usual, it will be drunk up to hallucinations, just will be in bad mood or during scandal the knife - and all will turn up under a hand.
And the vast majority of women will not allow the stranger to raise a hand against the child. Only touch - both forces will appear, and fear as happened! However the husband beating both the wife, and children - the phenomenon quite widespread. Interests of children which often cover patient spouses are systematically sacrificed here … To what? To public opinion (“to wash the dirty linen at home“). To passively apprehended “everyday truth“ (“to be a razvedenka - a shame“). The main thing, to fundamentals of female psychology, aspiration, organic for the woman, conscious or unconscious to keep, but not to destroy, be sorry, but not to hurt.
From the women who were exposed to violence we heard: it is, native how to hit it? (Meant: to strike “on carrying out“, deliberately injuring - and only this way it is possible to stop the ungirdled geek.) We asked women a question whether they are ready to be protected and what degree of cruelty could reach at the same time. Many referred to an internal barrier - “It is impossible to hurt the living being!“ The psychological weakness of the woman inspired by traditional education as nothing else disturbs ability to stand for itself.
Thus, the problem of psychological training of the woman gains special sharpness irrespective of model of its physical training, whether it be a short course of self-defense or the prolonged training in martial art. Need of commission of violence enters the conflict with internal installations, and the instructor`s task - to resolve this conflict or in any way to bypass.
For example to teach creation of the subpersonality “for special cases“ or if the woman agrees to study long enough and systematically, to rely on natural change of own identity of the schoolgirl in the necessary direction. But changes have to go for the good - we do not urge to cultivate in ourselves cruelty as a trait of character. You have to be sure that you will manage to show cruelty if there is such need, - no more, but also not less.
The free, respecting herself personality has to have the choice. To beat or not to beat, be or not to be the victim. Today our many compatriots just have no such choice.