The unclear and misunderstood teenager - who is he?
So, the child are transformed beyond recognition, but how to understand whether these changes keep within norm borders, or with the child something is valid not so? What behavior of teenagers - inevitable attribute of a normal growing and what has to guard and rouse us to the actions directed to that to change a situation? And, above all - as to cope with all this?
We will continue the conversation on it begun in the previous materials.
Problem fifth: it became unpredictable!
laughs, pouts, it is angry, is pensive, and there are no obvious reasons for such swing of mood as if … Daily we observe frequent, unpredictable change of mood.
Such changeability can be caused also by so-called children`s behavioural reaction of compensation. It is desire the weakness and not luck in one area to fill with achievements in another - it is peculiar as children, and in not smaller degree to teenagers. For example, weak, sickly, physically undeveloped fellow, usual “loser“ in sport and in the relations with age-mates, repeatedly beaten in fights, tries to achieve progress in study and compensates above-mentioned failures by excellent study, participation in the subject Olympic Games and competitions, - and already his friends are forced to address it for council, with requests to help with study and begin to recognize his authority - let at least in sciences.
Exactly the opposite, failures in study can be compensated by “feats“ up to hooliganism - there are a wish to be the focus of attention at least in such a way.
There is also such concept as overcompensation or “supercompensation“, - when the teenager persistently tries to achieve results where he is weak and helpless. There are no affairs in sport - and he will double efforts and will train while he stands on the feet; there are no hearing and a voice - but in school band he by all means will register or will torment himself and surrounding with attempts to write down the exceptional clip; the shy and timid boy tries to make impression on peers, venturing a mad act like a fight with a deyatiklassnik - the sambo wrestler and then itself registers in section of single combats …
What to do? to Talk to the teenager frankly that you understand what happens to it, to explain that all this is normally, and very many pass through similar (to the teenager important to know that it is not lonely in the experiences). Think together what results he actually wants to achieve, and decide what means will lead to the purpose and what - hardly.
Problem sixth: it has strange idols!
Which of us did not meet fans and fans in due time, crowds of the besieging famous actors who were not in rooms of friends, from a floor to a ceiling of the idols of youth who are pasted over with images? I think, all of us well remember how the senior generation - approximately as well as you belonged to similar hobbies now: than the child played if only did not cry … And if cried - he was consoled and hoped that everything will pass as chicken pox.
Finding of idols is a so-called reaction of imitation which is expressed in aspiration to imitate in everything to a certain person or an image. In the childhood imitate relatives or adults from the immediate environment, later - to actors, filmstars, literary characters.
The most “charismatic“ peers or “stars“ of youth fashion become teenage idols most often. The teenager usually selects an example for imitation itself, to it it is dictated to that by group of peers to which it belongs. The adult can become an idol if it is an example of success in that area where the teenager seeks for achievements for the teenager: famous athlete, musician, scientist... The teenager begins to imitate it in clothes, a manner to behave, in judgments.
Difficulties expect us if for imitation antisocial “hero“ gets out. Not incidentally the cult of romanticism of criminals, nasiliya, murders, a robbery, a glorification successful “the criminal - the superman“ at cinema, on television, in best-sellers promotes rise in crime of minors for a long time. For example, from series “Crew“ teenagers took out not that fact that practically all members of criminal group died, and together with families, and the fact that the short century they lived “to the full extent“, without refusing to themselves anything.
With special attention it is necessary to treat also those teenage idols who bear asocial idea: here the death leaning on a cult and self-damage belong emo and Gotha, at the heart of the. Talk to your son or the daughter about what attracts in this idol, than he is interesting who else is his fans, in what an essence of “current“. Quite perhaps, the teenager did not even think still of all this, just being in the teenage fashion and “without penetrating“. Try not to accuse and forbid, and to try to understand the child and to help it to cope with difficulties.
Imitation “by contradiction“ when the behavior is under construction by the principle opposite to a certain sample unpleasant to the teenager meets at teenage age also. The guy expressly refusing all material benefits provided by a family from an opportunity to come to prestigious educational institution because of negative attitude to the father whom he considers as the dishonest, hypocritical person can serve as an example and in the footsteps of which refuses to follow “for ideological reasons“. It is a protest form, but, unlike reaction of opposition, there is here no aspiration to draw attention to themselves, this reaction - it is rather a fight for independence.
So as it is visible, everything in the teenage world is difficult. And to understand a question even more stoutly, we will finish this review of teenage problems in the following material.