Problems of teenage age - what is it?
Still yesterday this boy was a charming kid, this girl - the beloved child … But suddenly, in one not fine day, you notice that your child stopped being the child and became a being extremely inconvenient, unpleasant and unclear - prickly as a hedgehog, stubborn as a ram and changeable how is the weather in April.
Of course, you also passed through this vital stage, and corresponding read books, and watched movies … And nevertheless, for each parent the fact that the child grew up comes like a bolt from the blue. And difficulties trap in several moments at once.
Let`s consider some of the most typical problems which are concealed in itself by “awkward age“.
So, problem first: the child already became a teenager, but parents continue to perceive him as small .
At the time of the birth of the kid the physical umbilical cord is cut, however “umbilical cord“ mental remains in consciousness of both the child, and his parents for a long time. We manage “to release“ the child to the big world not always in time and competently - with it it is connected many problems arising in families at teenage age. At the teenager long time the “children`s“ rights and duties remain. And it applies already for adult! And - on the rights very few people intend to burden himself with duties.
How it is correct to behave? To mentally “release“ it and to realize that it - the person, certain of you, having the right for the life. You will not live it for own child, will not save from all mistakes, will not register the ideal scenario. Your task - not to control and regulate life of the son or daughter, and to live adequately own life - it is filled and with enthusiasm, then to the child by whom will be guided. Accept it - and it will become much easier for you.
Besides, it is necessary to outline new duties and it is right, previously having developed them on a family council. The general concept has to be is as follows: yes, you already rather adult - and independently to make these or those decisions and to be responsible for their consequences (the list of questions of which the teenager is competent so to solve independently the problems, has to be accurately stipulated: preparation of lessons, choice of friends, visit of sections etc.) . The teenager has new rights (for example, to come home later, or to go to work and earn to the needs independently), however - and new duties (to participate in planning of the budget, to do obligatory purchases and to carry out obligations for the house).
Requirements “to buy PSP“ quite often it is possible to win if the teenager visually sees how the budget of a family where money and, the main thing from where and in what quantity come leaves is distributed. It applies for a maturity - perfectly, treat him, as the adult: wants to come later - all right, but he where he is and when is has to warn, and also not to lose the head (“to come later“ when time of the 10th evening is stipulated - means for half an hour later, but not on two - three hours). If you, parents, and act this way - warn each other when you are late and carry out arrangements, - it will be easier for child to accept these rules.
Problem second: the teenager already applies for a maturity, and society in which he lives does not grant him the rights to be adult really .
This is true. Puberty comes in 12 - 13 years, social - in 18, and here psychological - and at all at all differently: someone is the developed, independent personality already in 15, and at someone and in 50 with it problems.
That is the time rupture of opportunities and the rights is available: theoretically the posterity of people can have years in 12, practically - for not less than about 5 - 6 years later; intellectual maturing is made out to years to 15, and an opportunity to work fully appears only several years later.
Certainly, all this brings a dissonance in attitude of the teenager: he feels that already “a lot of things can“, but all this is not present an opportunity to realize in modern society. I will notice that “teenage crises“ are not observed in the societies (called by us “primitive cultures“) where the person since the childhood joins in adulthood.
Than it is possible to help the teenager? For example, it can participate in increase of welfare of a family and own, having got a job. Independent earnings are a recognition of the adult status, status of the full-fledged and full member of society. The teenager will start to respect himself, in the opinion of peers will look the adult and you look at the child with other eyes.
The labor Code of the Russian Federation resolves work from 16 years, and in some cases even with 14. The labor relations of the worker with the employer have to be issued officially, in writing. Main points of the employment contract: the place of work, period of validity of the contract, labor functions (what to do to whom to submit how many hours a day to work what size of a salary, and also by what principle it will be charged).
Also warn the child: you should not be employed in confidence from parents. The problem not only that such secret threatens with family troubles and leaves the teenager without council and support of adults at various complications during employment and on a workplace. Everything is much simpler: if the teenager is not sixteen years old, from him all the same will demand an official consent of parents to sign the employment contract.
Problem third: in our family there is no sex! Or is?.
At teenage age the child suddenly finds out that his body changes, and quickly and is unpredictable. The libido wakes up, the physiology changes, there are periods and pollyution, proportions and a voice change...
It is possible to carry an onanism, a petting, early sexual communications to manifestations of teenage sexuality. The sexual behavior of teenagers differs in extreme instability and can easily approach pathological forms. Undifferentiated sexuality of teenagers is the reason of this instability. So, for example, until sexual preferences were issued and settled, single homosexual contacts both at guys, and at girls who during life do not repeat any more are possible.
In the modern world children grow up quite educated and by the beginning of puberty know about the relations of floors better, than generation of our grandmothers and grandfathers by the time of majority. However knowledge these is sometimes too schematical and that is called “by soul“ - well being guided in physiology, “adult children“ poorly understand feelings and moral nuances of relations between the sexes. Data on it are often sketchy and obtained from talk with the “advanced“ peers.
Therefore it makes sense to parents not to be lazy to study and discuss the human relations with the growing-up children, and not in a forehead, and on the example of filmstars and friends of your son or the daughter (if you try “to become personal“, your child will shrug shoulders and at best will tell: “From what you decided that it interests me?“, masking thus the confusion and unwillingness to let in parents the private life). And, above all, we remember: the personal example is our everything and if in a family healthy, warm, gentle (but not demonstrative!) the relations between parents, the teenager has much more chances to grow the full-fledged person in the sphere of feelings.
However and it is worth to remember about physiology. Our seemingly advanced children often have the most unexpected gaps in knowledge on this subject therefore if you are confused straight talks, at least supply the teenager with the corresponding literature, leaving it in such places where the child allegedly incidentally can come across it (and not in a visible place is already too). Try not to be at the same time persuasive and tactless, do not carry on such talk at witnesses (mothers!), do not defy own victories (fathers!).
We will talk about other problems rising before teenagers and their parents in the following materials.