How men get under a heel?
Discussed with the husband a problem of “henpeckeds“ yesterday. How so left that the “normal“, courageous guy, not the weakling, not mother`s darling, married and got into this uncomfortable position? To the husband it is unclear. For it it is wild though the phenomenon frequent.
There is everyone. Sometimes the man is weak , and then the woman is forced to take over control. Happens that the woman at heart the commander. She wants in everything and always to be the first. And then she consciously tries to subordinate the man to the will. If the man is weak character, at it easily it turns out. And if is not present? Sometimes all the same it turns out. It concedes to it because loves, and then it, as they say, “mounts upon a neck“.
What to do not to get under a heel? If the wife from the very beginning yearns for power, it is necessary to show hardness, to force to respect itself. You should not indulge it in everything. Behave with it, as with the spoiled child. At the very beginning of joint life show that you - the one who makes final decisions (I speak not about petty tyranny, decisions have to be reasonable). And no tears, hysterics and shouts will help, and only reasonable arguments will help. Any normal woman (without deviations in mentality) actually subconsciously wants that her man was stronger than her even if declares the return. Over time she will reconcile and will be proud secretly that it has such husband.
And if other situation? They are approximately equal . None of them dream of domination. But somehow so it turns out that main is a wife. As well as in any collective, in a family usually there is a leader. It either moves forward itself, or proves during performance of some tasks.
We will assume, it is necessary to make repair in the apartment. The wife who is not seeking to become the leader softly hints: “Kolenka, maybe, we will make repair? “, expecting that from its party at least in a week - another some actions will follow. And Kolenke vly, he lies on a soft sofa with the laptop, and he does not want to get up at all, to run somewhere, to do something and the more so repair well is not included in any way into the list of its main priorities because from a ceiling does not drip, pipes do not proceed, and color of wall-paper to it to a bulb. Kolenka it is disseminated tells “Ugu“ and safely forgets about this conversation.
Through time the wife again softly hints with the same result, through time is already not really soft, and then, having lost patience, speaks: “So, Kolya, since Monday we do repair!“. Kolya discontentedly screws up the face, but does repair under the sensitive guide of the wife who is not allowing it to slip away on a sofa at the first opportunity. During repair she is a leader. The husband thinks something it seems: “It is necessary to you - you and be engaged“. Further purchase of furniture follows. With the same result. The wife gradually begins to enjoy, gains competences (the word fashionable now). And the husband hands over positions. The wife still tries to hype up somehow it, but believes in the principle “From it more and more so far will wait, it is simpler most to make“.
After a while the wife begins to feel like the heroine. Here how many she made all how many she all is able, all this her merit. And the husband notices that it is not favorable to resist: to it it is so simpler, let the head hurt the wife. Sometimes he revolts, but minute indignation is one, and daily responsibility is another. Yes, the self-assessment suffers and, feels unnecessary, unfortunate, “not the man“, but it is harder and harder to tear off real estate from a sofa.
There are years, the wife charges herself with all new and new tasks. “Nimbus“ begins to press noticeably, she begins to damn the husband supposedly to sense from it any, all on her shoulders, all life … And it though time … And it is such unfortunate … But it is impossible to change over already. At the husband the body of adoption of household decisions and responsibility atrophied. And the wife has knowledge both conditioned reflexes, and the main thing, the principle “it is simpler most to make“. The husband is afraid of the wife, the wife in soul despises the husband. To whom from it it is good?
What to do not to get under a heel? If the woman does not aspire to the power, do not allow it to come by practical consideration to the conclusion “to make most more simply“. Do not wave away, help, participate, take the lead. From the very beginning you do not become in a family “a sofa vegetable“ with big time of a response and low usefulness. Then to change a situation it will not turn out.
Dear women, I address you. Well do not yearn you for power in a family! At work - please, in the company - please. Ego-trip there. And much more happiness you will test houses if you are able to respect the man until the end of life, to rely on it, to be proud of it. You ask, but do not order. Persuade, but do not force. Do not do both of you unfortunate.