The praise is a flattery or a good mark?
are pleasant to be estimated and discussed not always even if an assessment high and positive. Even if when speak about you only good, involuntarily there is a protection reaction. And all because threat … often is behind a praise of
Personally I always feel discomfort when I am extolled. Especially, when the praise in my address is objectively undeserved. I will surely prick up the ears - the praise will be inevitably followed by aspiration, for example, to influence me. Me will want to force to change and move in the direction necessary to someone.
I perfectly see that the praise is used to sweeten censure. With some degree of complacency will apply “equipment of a sandwich“ to me: behind a praise will accurately show the discontent and again will begin to sing the praises. Well … Let sing. If only were not false, and the hearing cuts that from incorrectly sung “note“.
“You remarkable artist!“ - if I hear it from somebody, then before me - it is possible, the hypocrite. Everything that will tell - intention. But if someone admits: “Your works are pleasant to me“, I can thaw... Weak I all - the person. So there is a wish that praised my creativity.
But really only sincere interest stimulates creativity. The sincere person will try to penetrate into my creativity, into my problems. Attempt will demand efforts and time. And I will feel it. Equally I will also feel when, saving time, he does not want to be involved in my affairs, and will resort to a superficial praise, hoping for fast result. And the result will not be.
It is remarkable that when my works are indulgently approved or beginners in the fine arts highly appreciate, outright jars on me from their self-confidence. Somewhat “offensively“ their praise looks. There is a wish to know opinion of the professional more.
In turn, sometimes it is awkward to me to comment on articles of recognized masters … What can I interesting and clever to tell, being only the beginning author? It is necessary to hope only for wisdom of the real writers. On their infinite patience - to learn to write well, it is necessary to try and to express “competently“ too. And most to be extremely accurate in the laudatory speeches.
So it is a praise? Flattery or good mark? It is thought that it both flattery, and envy, a good mark and the evil intention standard the stimulating factor and the favourite equipment of parents (teachers) which accustomed us since the childhood to the subsequent censure after it. This desire to create a distance and to approach at the same time.
“Thanks! It was very pleasant to have a talk with you“ - means “Conversation is ended. Let`s meet next time“. Praised or not? No, of course … “Perfectly! Here also continue in the same spirit“ - sounds as “Yes, you went!“.
Of course, there are cases of unconditional belief in sincerity of a praise. For example, when we read written to the third party in whom the writing person well speaks of us, without assuming that we will read it. However, and it is not obligatory in absentia - if between people the real confidential relations, then the pleasure from a praise, certainly, is pleasant.
But most often the praise is one of effective ways of creation of a comfortable psychological distance as life overloads us with uncountable contacts. Moreover, life is a continuous conflict of interests. And a praise in such cases - a certain tool in technicians of psychology of the interpersonal relations … I do not trust praises really.
I believe, for example, more in art of hearing of others which really induces to rapprochement with the interlocutor. The praise always gives an assessment, and it is pleasant to be estimated and discussed not always even if an assessment high and positive.