Rus Articles Journal

How to us to survive in the conflicts?

Everyone will agree that the conflicts cannot be avoided. Even if to become absolutely the hermit - read: to exclude contacts with other people, - you will meet the internal conflicts between desire and obstacles to opportunities of its satisfaction from time to time.

Give the internal conflicts so far we will lay aside and we will talk about the conflicts with other people.

Than the person is more significant and closer - the diskomfortny to clash with him. With unfamiliar or in general strangers we are rescued by indifference to this person. Its absolutely relative value in our system of coordinates. Though if this stranger gets in the way of execution of our strong desire, here we can too so … lose comfort for that time which we will spend on settlement of the conflict with it.

But such situation everything is simpler to reduce to round or elimination of a temporary obstacle in a way to the momentary purpose. And here it is precisely possible to manage a simple manipulation. “To buy“ the treasured admission to the momentary paradise. How? It is banal having paid slightly more habitual tariff - either money, or the time and attention.

It is much more interesting to talk about how we survive in the conflicts with people, close and valuable to us, in my opinion. With those on whom a lot of things in our life depend.

Here, for example, partnership in business. You - equal according to the status and the provision. At everyone - the sphere of responsibility. And in a point of their crossing you disagreed as it is better to arrive. You are sure that you are guided in a situation much better. Your opponent is confident in the same. Emotions run high. How to be?

The simplest for many a way - “to lay down“ under opinion of Another . To agree, having been frightened seriously to spoil the relations, valuable to you. Having restored a patched-up peace which - as speak - it is better than kind quarrel.

With what on a result you remain? Differently, but most likely aftertaste of this world will get stuck in you the pressed and crushed aggression. And the partner in daily occurrence will irritate slightly more. And the energy of the conflict crushed “on a root“ has chance to shoot at the most inappropriate moment - your sharp word in quite harmless situation, an attack of “bad“ appetite, a headache, an indigestion.

The second way from the most widespread - to destroy opinion of the rival . To crush a reptile. Threats from “I are used I leave this project“ to “I leave partnership with you“ - depending on the importance of a conflict situation. Or, for example: “If not as I told - that in any way! We close the project - business - further according to the list“. Ways such … bright, powerful, but if to abuse them, then one fine day instead of a habitual fright and retreat of Another it is possible to meet joyful: “Well also bring down from here!“ If such answer - what you counted on - and is nice. And if pressure and threats were your it … in the most well mastered way to try to obtain the without loss of the significant relations, then it is possible and to be upset seriously and for a long time … And then even to regret … Yes, and aftertaste of this way sense of guilt becomes frequent

. The internal loneliness of the winner can become the price for a victory. Loss of trust in contact.

So to do - that?

There is still such way. To accept sharpness and discomfort of a situation without immediate action on its permission . Without vanity in search of a fast exit from the painful deadlock put by a raznovektornost of your today`s opinions.

Yes, today ours opinions dispersed from you. I take it for granted. To me it is disturbing, spitefully, alone. But I refuse habitual “escapes“ from the deadlock. I remain at the deadlock. I remain in confrontation with your opinion on this matter. Without confrontation with you. I am aggressive to your today`s point of view. But instead of its hasty destruction I am ready to spend energy of the aggression for search of the decision which will facilitate a situation for both parties. Without depreciation of the or your point of view and our partnership. I am ready to look for ways of an exit itself and together with you.

Yes, at first sight somehow energoyemko …, vaguely …, it is foggy …

But here that can occur - in this uncertainty some absolutely other, new opportunity can sprout. Which can surprise with the evidence. But on manifestation of which it is necessary to spend time and forces of painful “trample“ at the deadlock and energy of confrontation of opinions.

In my opinion, and in the family relations when the family is lived as community equal, such way can help out … And can and is not present.

And if to try?