How to improve intimate relations in marriage? A female look of
Sexual life of the President began right after the Time program. As soon as the announcer declared a weather forecast, the President, jumped off from the chair, bent an arch a back, raspushivat a tail and imposingly left on a balcony. The five-kilogram Siberian cat with cunning eyes, huge moustaches and ears bitten in numerous fights with rivals came for night trade. On a balcony the President sat down on a handrail, then long - long aimed and, at last, having decided, jumped on a concrete wall. By some miracle, making the way on a seam between panels, got on a balcony roof from where the hand (to tell more precisely, a paw) was to give to garret pro-spirit.
began After a while a cat`s concert in which the soloist party, undoubtedly, belonged to the President. At first the draft meowing was heard:
- I already here. You come, girls, on a party.
Then there were terrible notes:
- You, a cat Vasily from the next entrance, nobody called, but if he was, receive.
Further the untranslatable cat`s slang followed, the tonality went to the supersonic area and … All entrance with dying down watched whose will take this time. the President never lost
. It was ready to offer everything: pieces of the magnificent Siberian wool, the scratched nose and the peeled tail for the sake of several minutes of pleasure after fight. The pleasure proceeded from several enough unattractive kitties who are constantly living in the region of trash cans. On an attic they got on a ladder which was for some reason not locked on the big granary lock. Having won against
furious fight of the next rival, the President, spitting out pieces of wool of the won opponent, chose to himself the next passion, and they modestly left in black garret backwoods. An entrance, envying, filled up.
Early in the morning the strong slap was distributed, on a floor the pot with flowers and the husband flew, opening a door on a balcony, said the sacramental phrase:
- Some are lucky!
Then both went to bed. A tomcat it was chopped off at once and slept sluggishly and immoderately till the evening. The husband some time was flippant with hands, snuffled, puffed, then, without having achieved the, turned a back and fell asleep to a draft ringing of an alarm clock.
In the morning I made coffee, did an omelet with toasts, fed children before school and the husband before a campaign on service. At the same time did everything possible not to step on the President who was accustomed to have a rest after a night shift directly on a threshold of kitchen. Then ran for work.
Our intimate life, in difference from sexual life of a cat, came into the full deadlock. Ten years of marriage brought relations between the sexes to full automatism. On weekdays both, having exhausted at work, fell to sleep right after laying of children. Days off were devoted to capital cleaning, a trip to parents and in a supermarket behind products.
- Five minutes a week, - the husband, having postponed the calculator, with melancholy in eyes looked at me. - Well to Japanese. Wives allocate them money from the family budget and send blessed to geishas. Svetik, I so cannot any more. Give, bring to me the mistress.
- A frying pan on the head to you, Leshka, but not the mistress, - I approached a mirror and reflected. The uncombed person in an old dressing gown who impudently stared at me could be pleasant only to the seaman - the submariner who came back to the port after semi-annual swimming.
The president, passing by, disapprovingly sniffed and, having approached the husband, began, bending an arch a back, to rub about his leg. That scratched a cat behind an ear.
- Can some read us books. Now on trays what is only not present. A Kama Sutra is different. Children at work told me that still quite good together to watch a sensuality. It is necessary to recover somehow the relations, differently full kayuk.
“It is easier to recover the Egyptian mummy“, - I thought, continuing to consider the person more and more unpleasant to me in a mirror, and in words told:
- Of course, darling. You run in shop behind a sensuality, and I so far in the apartment will be tidied up.
- Why to run, everything is laid already up, - the husband began to fuss. - Here, have a look.
I looked through “Playboy“ with beautiful photos of ugly, in my opinion, women.
- You show to the President better, personally these pictures do not inspire me.
- With the President we already saw yesterday everything.
- - today it home was only towards evening. No, Lesh, give something another we will think up.
The husband reflected, diligently pounding an ear lobe. His face unexpectedly brightened up.
- Is! I in one old Italian movie saw how the couple, as at us, made love to the same problems in the most unexpected places. And, as a result lived together till an old age …
- And died in one day, - I did not keep.
- An ulcer, you are Svetka. Here present. We jump with you with a parachute, and so far we soar in a free fall, I stick to you.
- Better in the morning in the crowded tram, - I developed a subject. - Or near a monument to Pushkin.
- What does it have to do with Pushkin, - became angry Alexey. - It is solved - we go to cinema. There it is dark and cozy. You remember how in youth always went to the cinema to kiss. Everything, I ran behind tickets, and you fast direct maraft. And that the trash - the trash.
On objections of time did not remain any more.
The old French comedy with Pierre Richard collected less than a half of the hall. We, having been late by the beginning, made the way on the places through deaf grumble of few viewers.
- It was necessary to take the last row, - I noticed. - In youth we always on the last row kissed. All right, with what we will begin.
At this moment behind began to develop a chocolate and crackled the priest - Korn.
- Young people, - Leshka rose from a chair, - Stop noise, you prevent people to have a rest culturally.
The hand of the husband laid down to me on a knee.
- Svetik, it you?
- No, Merlyn Monro. Wait a moment, darling. I forgot which - that. It is necessary to powder a nose urgently.
And I, trampling on others feet, disappeared for five minutes. Nothing, I think, let it is drawn.
Transition from light to darkness is always followed by total loss of sight. Therefore, I did a way back to the touch. Having flopped on sitting, I took a hand of the husband and, having put it on the breast as it is possible erotichny whispered to Leshke on an ear:
- Take me, darling, directly here.
The word of honor, this story did not tell anybody yet. It was bad not that I mixed a row. The fact that the man near whom I incidentally landed watched film together with the wife was bad. I do not know
Ya how their sexual life developed further, but the fact that after this cultural campaign ours absolutely collapsed - it is the fact. It was necessary to do something...
And I thought up.
The next morning, having asked for leave at work on the reason of arrival of nonexistent relatives from Taganrog, I ran to sign up for striptease courses. The girl in pass - bikini, appeared before me as the conductress of group, suspiciously inspected my figure from top to bottom and melancholically asked:
- You will be able erotically to undress before the man?
- I will be able, - I bravely answered. - If, of course, teach. Also added not to tempt itself: - But only before the husband.
- The first time is better to do it in complete darkness, - the girl sighed. - Some men have cases of a sudden heart attack. You, the woman how call?
- Sveta the striptease is not danced. Think up to yourself a scenic pseudonym. Lola, or can be Brunnhilde.
I decided that the husband hardly in this question will understand me, and insisted on named by parents. However, the girl in bikini did not object and declared to all group:
- Well, we will begin!
Courses lasted three months. At work already got used that I have relatives on all space from Kaliningrad to Sakhalin. That they if do not come, then constantly marry, get divorced, are ill and get to militia. Once I delivered a cat (it was necessary to change for a while to the President sex). And it was even brought down by the passing foreign car, but without consequences. It so I tried to explain a black eye after falling from a pole.
If I was seen these three months by mother who is still living in the village of Karasikh of the Ryazan region, she would die of understanding that she did not make abortion in time. But, I perfectly understood that I in Karasikh now, as regards a striptease, me equal am not present.
And there came day of my debut. I worried as if the entrant before entrance examination in institute Lesgafta.
For an hour before arrival of the husband from work the erotic atmosphere in our small-sized apartment was created. Quietly Joe Dassin sang, reminding of years of our youth. In kitchen aromatic candles burned, and were fried ham. Will come, all the same, will want to eat. The cat was expelled from structure of observers and turned out on an attic by means of a mop and several sharp expressions. Children since morning are still sent to the mother-in-law. I dressed the Mermaid`s suit.
The husband was not one, and with friends. When those got to our malogabaritka, quietly were taken aback. Alexey smiled and pretended that at us every day so, and he already somehow got used. When men, having destroyed ham and having drunk the cognac brought with itself, went away, hotly discussing what was seen, Alexey rapaciously smiling rushed to me. But I, having pressed a finger to lips, stopped it and got the metal pole which is in advance bought in household goods from the storeroom.
All the rest occurred under Joe Dassin and ended under chorus of Alexandrov. Simply, to switch off the player with disks, we had no time any more.