Why people go to psychologists?
U of each of us the relations with reality of world around. We are born absolutely “golenky“. Look at the baby - he lives only the corporal feelings. If with a body everything is OK, the baby either sleeps, or smiles - rejoices. The corporal discomfort causes displeasure and a protest on which all is immediately notified districts.
But for full contact with the world the corporal feelings should be differentiated, defined somehow. What do I want now? What do I feel? And for this purpose in the childhood only one mentor - mother, and in process of a growing - the father and other significant adults is identified at first.
Mother attaches primary significance and meanings to vital feelings and impressions. It forms a perception frame. Defines what it is necessary to pay attention to. And how to turn. What is dangerous and what is not present. In other words, we inherit points through which we practically watch then all life at world around. And for certain mother inherited the tags of reality too from those who defined in the childhood of her impression and reaction …
It is possible to live all life in sacred belief that your reality is identical to the events around. At the quiet, cloudless childhood so sometimes also occurs. We rely on values and installations of a parental family, we develop according to a certain scenario, we place habitual priorities and we feel quite happy in this designated by three - five routes to the card.
All happening to us we compare to the knowledge of life and easily we designate events in the categories “well-it is bad“, “mine-others“, “yes-no“.
The problem begins when our automatic elections cease to satisfy us. When habitual “codings“ of feelings leave us confused. When we suddenly realize as far as to us plainly and stuffy to live in it once and for all the set circle of the elections and reactions.
Of course, we are interested as all this is arranged at others. At our neighbors, friends, colleagues, friends. If our cards more than less coincide, we feel with this person comfortably. If strongly differ - and this difference for us for some reasons is traumatic - we avoid such people.
On our question to Another as attempt understand itself we can receive a mold of experience of Another at best. In the form of council: “Do so, and everything will be adjusted!“ Sometimes quite neutral seasoned with depreciation, sometimes. And of course, the card can be expanded, having added a two-three of those others routes which quite on the scale of our tags of perception of reality.
But it is how frequent also without pressure for itself and Another we can speak at a meeting only about ourselves? And if council turned out “just right“ how to cost us with gratitude freight? Or irritations on the Benefactor? Or feelings of weak and helpless in comparison with Another? What to pay us for attention and support of the stranger in?
There can also be a need for the professional help. In an impartial look “from outside“.
Of course, the psychologist - too the person. In the “points“ inherited on family history. With the values and priorities. But if it and the truth the professional, he much and difficult worked with the route chart. Studying itself and others. Being trained to feel, think, feel in “broad focus“ of attention. Filling up a moneybox of instruments of supervision over itself, others, behind opportunities and restrictions of human perception.
As the client pays, and the psychologist works, he provides such quality of the presence at which vital realities of the client - the central event of a meeting. At the same time the client is perceived “as equals“. If the client earned money for therapy, so he precisely has an adult stability. Professionalism. In some area. To hardly anyone - nibud will come to mind to compare the accountant and the builder and to say that professionalism in accounts department more abruptly and more adequately, than in construction. And here. And still - if the client is ready to spend money, forces and time to try to expand the horizon - it always causes respect.
And so. What occurs at a therapeutic meeting?
One person comes to another and tells about the today`s difficulties. Of course, the psychologist is attentive to contents of the story. To an event row. But the most significant is how the client processes the experience. What “filters“ uses at a meeting with Life. What passes on what habitually fixes the attention. And what actually causes his chagrin and suffering.
For the psychologist it is important to keep a look “from outside“, without immersion in the client`s material. To remain the observer. At the same time to sympathize. To support. To confirm the right of the client for his life and his elections. To help it in search of other elections and decisions. Without substitution of its way by the. Without imposing of the system of coordinates. Remaining involved, but at the same time separate. Another.
It is sometimes difficult work. Often fascinating. To study this art - all life. Well.
To each client - the psychologist. Here the choice can rely on the feelings from the first meetings. They are always difficult. Both for the client, and for the psychologist. But for full work it is necessary to trust. To feel safety of contact and human comfort. To catch feeling that your language is accepted and understood.
If you feel that it is difficult for you - mutno - unclear and “plokhet“ with each meeting, it makes sense to risk to discuss it with the psychologist before leaving contact. Then to, maybe, habitual experience of escape from difficulties in communication there is a chance to add experience of clearing of “zatyk“ and a neponyatok. In contact. With that with whom they are actual.
Choose to yourself the psychologist. Rely on yourself. Trust to - a cornerstone of fundamental trust to life.