Why I do not teach the child to hit back?
As soon as the been born person begins to learn surrounding reality, his consciousness is right there attacked by any postulates, imperatives, bans or restrictions. “Be a good boy (girl)“, “respect seniors“, “bring order“, “do not soil clothes“, “do not lie“, “observe the mode“, “you do not eat a lot of sweet“ and so on. The list is really infinite.
The first step on this way is taken by parents, then kindergarten teachers bring the contribution too. The installations put in the early childhood are fixed tightly by school, adding also weight own.
Part of postulates which the child has to acquire, of course, are useful. Who argues, the little man needs to be accustomed to an order, observance of the mode or healthy nutrition.
The part of statements can be called into question. For example, and how to define “horoshesta“ degree? The good child is what torments neighbour`s ears with Bach`s fugues, but does not beat windows with a soccerball in passion of game? Or if your offspring does not tie cans to cat`s tails, does not tear off a pad to frogs and flies - it is already good?
Separate history - estimates. Oh these “five“, “fours“ and other tsiferka! And how to be if the child, for example, has no abilities to drawing? And he will never see in the diary “perfectly“ in this subject? To abuse and thrash a belt or to admit this fact as inevitability and not to focus attention on it?
If to ponder, any thesis hammered to the little person into the head actively or resembling, it is urged to lead it to certain general standards, read - to identity deleting, or to increase controllability of the subject, read - to facilitate the adult a possibility of a manipulation juvenile identity.
And as it was told above, there are postulates useful, is harmless, but without which it is quite possible to do in the course of education. And here some of moral installations which we try to impart to the children on closer examination are potentially dangerous not only for health, but also for life and the kid, and the adult.
- If you were offended, surely hit back!
Unless does not speak so most of parents to children? By the way, in 1937 one poet wrote so:
“At each failure
be able to Hit back, Otherwise to you good luck not to see
A if to include the head? Let`s assume, circumstances developed not in your advantage. Instead of reflecting and that I in this concrete case made not so, it is simpler to find guilty of personal problems and failures on the party. And to hit back. Logically? Then you should not be surprised that got nasty with you in shop or in public transport. Perhaps, these people were brought up on “immortal lines“ of Lebedev too - the Red bunting.
To make decisions, to make acts and to bear a personal responsibility for them - those qualities which parents first of all have to cultivate in the child. The kindergarten and school will not help here. A task of these educational institutions, on the contrary, to level identity, to prepare the person for a role of a dumb small screw in big state machinery. But it is other history. We tell about notorious “delivery“, in sense “an eye for an eye, tooth for tooth“ as it is written in one wise book now.
You know what I inspire in the son when this subject emerges?
- Never wait until you are hit. If you feel that there was a threat, beat with the first. Always.
I write these lines and I hear the indignant chorus of voices of the correct mothers, compassionate grandmothers, honored pedagogical workers with long - a predlinny experience. Like, as it so, you bring up aggression in the child. He will grow up the real hooligan and the tease.
Do not hurry! Let`s remember how any conflict develops?
At first there is a reason: did not divide a toy, called each other, competed from - for the young lady and so on. Then intensity growth follows, there is a conflict escalation. As a rule, it is still a verbal stage: mutual insults, the description of the one who, to whom and that will make now. Only at the third stage active actions - use of physical force begin. Simply speaking, a fight.
Adults can not appear, separate teases nearby will there is nobody, and in life of each boy (and girls, probably, too) at least one fight surely will be. And if so occurred, then chances to win fight above at the one who is morally ready to win, and therefore beats with the first.
Perhaps, “to hit back“ on a schoolyard at your child and it will turn out and what in real life?
One option if your offspring fought with the schoolmate. Yes, it is possible to come to the offender`s parents, to blame them on ill-breeding of the child or to understand why there was a fight and to remove the causes of emergence of the new conflicts.
But once the child can face hooliganism on the street!
The main objective of such attack - as fast as possible to suppress will of the victim, not to leave any chances for resistance, to deprive of it money or things. The scenario of a street robbery does not assume options “hit back“. More likely, your child seriously risks health, especially, if he passively expects when its turn back comes to hit the hooligan. Nobody will provide such opportunity to it.
You know what was written on a grave of one young cowboy, favourite of pastors, respectable matrons and peace peyzan during conquest of the Wild West? “He died the first because he shot the second“ . Probably, too the father with mother spoke in the childhood: “The sonny, if someone offends you, hit back!“. Was not in time.
And I want that my son was in time and did not lose sometime health by own nonsense or by stupidity of parents who in the deep childhood put to it in a brain the wrong program. For this reason I also speak to it: “Beat with the first. Always!“ to
As for aggression of which cultivation someone all - will want to accuse me as the parent, I will answer it the following. My kid leaves aggression, and also excessive energy on a tatami, going in for martial art.
By the way, any sensei will tell you that the highest valor on the street, but not at competitions in a gym - not to decorate the rival to bloody snivels, and to win a duel, without having allowed it to begin. However if fights not to avoid, is silly and deadly to spend time for expectation of an opportunity for drawing retaliation.
And all of you still teach the children to hit back?