Beats - means, loves? We discredit myths about domestic violence of
In Russia each hour to violence in a family one woman is exposed, and in a year as a result of family quarrels 9 thousand someone`s mothers, sisters, grandmothers, daughters perish on average … How to distinguish in the beloved husband of the potential tyrant? Whether it is possible to resist to domestic violence? Whether there is a chance to avoid it? Let`s try to understand.
Myth No. 1: The main thing - in time to distinguish
According to psychologists, the violence is seldom shown at once or arises unexpectedly, usually process develops step by step.
Stage first. from the husband the unreasonable criticism from a series begins: “Look in a mirror - you have a cellulitis!“ or: “How you put on?! It is terrible to look at you“. Under “shelling“ books which you read movies which you watch, people with whom you communicate - the word, everything, as for directly you and your way of life can get.
Stage second. From remarks - to claims and bans. More often than others in your address words sound it “is impossible“, “do not go“, “do not look“. You can be reproached that too often you meet girlfriends or you go to mother. Further usually the requirement to refuse some habits or to change a way of life towards “domestication“ radically follows. Here the speech already goes about full or partial restriction of your personal liberty.
Stage third. Physical abuse. It can be both incidental, and to constants.
Council: the main thing to notice the menacing moments in time and not to miss them. It is not necessary to wait when business reaches a manhandling.
Myth No. 2: It at it care such
However, it is not necessary to think that “the activity range“ of the house tyrant is limited only to a manhandling. Besides a physical abuse, there is a violence moral, and it can take the different forms:
- economic violence (the husband takes the family budget in hand, depriving the wife of necessary means, at the same time constantly emphasizes that all in a family entirely depend on it);
- the violence based on bans (the spouse, for example, is not allowed to work, and the pretext for this purpose is chosen quite plausible: “Children need mother, and to the house - the hostess!“);
- sexual violence;
- an insult, humiliation, criticism (“under distribution“ a figure, girlfriends, culinary abilities, addictions etc. get; everything, according to the husband, becomes not so);
- contents in fear (the wife just is afraid of the husband, with horror waits for it return home or just reactions to something).
The most sad that some forms of violence of the woman are taken by mistake for manifestation of excessive care. Argue approximately so: he does not allow me to work, so worries about we wash health, wants to facilitate to me life. Or: he constantly calls to learn where I because he worries, am jealous.
Council: never justify similar behavior with jealousy or care. If the husband does not want to reckon with your opinion, most likely, he wants to subordinate you to the will. And it is also psychological violence.
Myth No. 3: Only “gray mice“ suffer
Should be remembered: from it nobody is insured. Be you though imperious business - the lady or the self-assured celebutante, the house tyrant and on you will find “justice“. It is not the myth any more, and alas, the reality which with interest was confirmed on examples of singers Valeria and Jasmin. Who knows how many still the priest - miracles secretly suffers from mockeries of the high-ranking blessed?
The problem is that even if the woman distinguishes the tyrant, it will not be able to resist to him. Well she, let us assume, refused to fulfill the requirement of the husband not to wear short skirts, but it does not mean that then he will not find other way to influence it.
If the tyrant already dozes in the man, he surely will sometime wake up regardless of circumstances. So, it is impossible to prevent domestic violence, it is only possible to stop it, without bringing a situation to the critical moment.
Myth No. 4: He still will think again
However our women, as a rule, believe in wonderful healing, and therefore are ready to forgive, forgive, forgive … The yesterday`s offender too sincerely sobs, being kneeling, too desperately swears eternal love. And here female heart does not maintain - they a close-knit family again.
Further the so-called honeymoon during which the tyrant behaves faultlessly follows, and then he raises a hand against the wife again. And again repentance, kissing of legs, promise that it last time. The woman not that trusts - just remembers how it was good on those Armistice Days, and only for the sake of these moments forgives again. And it is also the main trap of infinity.
Remember: the tyrant will be able only to improve when wants it. But similar, alas, happens extremely seldom. If the man once raised a hand against the wife, will lift also in the second. Psychologists advise
1. Always to keep the minimum set of necessary things (documents, money, clothes etc.) in “combat readiness“ that in case of the next fight not to run out on the street in one slippers as it often happens.
2. At the first manifestation of violence to ring the crisis centers for women where it is possible to get free legal advice, and also to wait “storm“ in special rooms of temporary stay.
3. To try to find to itself colleagues and defenders among relatives and friends. It is dangerous to remain one in similar situations.
Advice to women : it is not necessary to try to endure at all. After the first manifestation of domestic violence it is necessary to break off the relations urgently. It will not be possible to rescue a situation any more.