Praise as an education method or Who will praise me best of all?
Contrary to opinion that “the kick gives rise to wings“ much stronger incentive for the homo sapiens at any age are nevertheless a praise - if, of course, it was not spoiled “power“ education, and the kind word for it not argument any more (in comparison with a belt). However we will not speak about education accidents now - we will stop better on pleasant: on a praise as the progress engine.
It appears, despite the seeming simplicity of this question, to praise it is necessary to be able. And moreover, it is necessary also to understand what mistakes it is not necessary to allow at the same time.
Mistake No. 1: to praise too often
If literally for each step the child shower with compliments if each sneeze is followed by the touched comments in the spirit of “ah, you mine zolotko / a lassie / birdie / small fish! “ - the praise, so to say, is devaluated - its importance in the opinion of the child falls. Really, if the visit of shop, and the help in preparation of a lunch, and cleaning in the room - all this is awarded with the same plentiful rantings, as well as, so to say, useful not making something: did not play mean tricks, did not cover with drawings wall-paper in a corridor, on wetted panties, did not torment a cat, did not take away the machine from the brother - that who will begin to strain? When to receive a praise too easily, its value significantly decreases.
Mistake No. 2: to praise too seldom
This situation is opposite to previous. There are parents from whom you will not wait for the kind word, whatever feats the child made: learned to put on tights, itself registered in aviamodelling section, won at the Olympic Games on mathematics - everything is perceived as due and does not receive special “signs of approval“.
This category of mothers and fathers is, as a rule, too exacting to the child - or they are just emotionally cold. Perhaps, their and so brought up, and they grew up in belief that children should not be “spoiled“, and, on the contrary, it is necessary “to be severe“. However judge for yourself, dear adults how you would feel at the chief who what you did, would not raise a salary, did not charge awards, would not arrange holidays and even spoke banal “thanks“ through set teeth? Correctly, desires to work - any.
Also also the child in a similar situation feels - he just has no incentive to behave well. And parents also keep saying: “And for what to praise it - that? All the same never nothing good the Mistake No. 3 does“ …
: the praise sounding as an insult
Probably each of us sometime heard something it seems: “Here, you can if you want, the goof such!“ or “At last and you became similar to the normal person!“. And everyone who heard it for certain remembered how from such words … it is correct, jars on, and there is no wish to make something else at all. Here the true sense of “the parental message“ consists not that the child is praised and note his achievement, and in what all - despite it, is considered as the blunderer.
Therefore, dear parents, you watch that, as as you tell , and think more often of whether you wanted to hear something similar in the address.
Mistake No. 4: the praise - comparison
to Compare the child to other children is in general occupation unproductive, and in particular in such delicate business as a praise. If the child is praised, extolling over other children - the risk is big to grow up arrogant the conceited person.
Usually it looks so: “You at me such beauty - yes in soles suit nobody to you!“, “You study so well - where to you to all your schoolmates there!“. As a result we will receive “center of the universe“ which will be iron sure that it - “most abruptly“, and with such outlook to live oh as it is difficult …
Especially badly if the phrase like “Of what you are a good fellow not that Mashka Is brisk/!“ it is said in relation to the brother / sister. It generates unhealthy rivalry between children and provokes the additional conflicts. But it is even worse if between children steady roles are fixed in a family: one - “good fellow“, the second - “loser“. As a rule, alas, this model remains for the rest of life, and in the future it is not necessary to wait for good relations between members of this family.
Mistake No. 5: the undeserved praiseChildren aged from 4 - 5 years is also more senior than
already can quite distinguish a deserved praise from undeserved. If elder sister cleaned the room, and praised younger and even gave candy, then the baby is already quite able to burst into tears and refuse sweet - she did not earn it! However, if it repeats often, then, alas, the child will get used to appropriate others merits, and it is dangerous by what can create the corresponding trait of character.
So, now carried out “correction of mistakes“ and we already know how it is not necessary to praise. And how - it is correct? Correctly - as the common sense, a context of a situation and your sincere love to the child prompts to you.
The praise has to be:
- an adequate and proportional situation;
But the main thing is that if in a voice heat and kindness sound, then the praise achieves the objectives - stimulates the child to become even better … And we also tried to obtain it, isn`t it?