Flight test. How to overcome fear?
- Attention, attention! Lady and gentlemen! We ask to fasten seat belts. Our airliner hit turbulence, - the stewardess on a relaying system warned.
The plane got to a rough air stream, shook it and broke off on part. The beginning is frightening. The covering gnash, hysterical whistle of engines frightened and forced heart is speeded up to fight.
This nightmare proceeded the whole eternity. At the height of eleven thousand kilometers from the Earth`s surface the plane was represented by a grain of sand in the boundless Universe.
The horror and despair absorbed me. The rumble in ears making tremble, and squeezed, as though, a whisky vice. Hardly the constrained nervousness and dizziness to nausea. Any breakthrough of an iron bird created panic, forcing to shiver and contract in confusion in a lump.
- Boyaka, you, a boyaka! - aloud tried to talk some sense into itself, but the criticism did not help.
Looked through the magazine, tried to regulate a breath rhythm, counting breaths and exhalations. The condition of confusion and feeling of danger did not abandon me. Each flight same. It is again captured by bodily fear, again remained alone with the monster which lodged inside and causing tortures.
Remembered the former client. Many years ago, advising in medical clinic, helped it to get rid of this phobia of the neurotic. She called after a trip and thanked for the help. It turns out, I did not etch a persuasive phobia, and took it to myself. The shoemaker`s wife is the worst shod. Derisively or in punishment?
How to overcome now most this condition of strong alarm? How courageously to face the monster forcing to suffer? How many times got into the plane, looked for ways so much to exempt itself from unnecessary concern. Nothing helped.
In last trip drank sleeping pill. But could not fall asleep. Again there was a fright, squeezed the head, stuffed up ears. Came itself when landed. With relief sighed that everything came to an end, and, exhausted with experiences, wearily went down on a ladder. Received baggage and had to wait for three more hours the following flight to Singapore.
At the airport chose cozy cafe with the wireless Internet. Half an hour it was tormented with the laptop, trying to be connected to a network. Asked the waiter to help. But the very young Chinese could not understand too. Of course, the Russian Windows not to everyone on teeth. On faces of a service staff, sellers behind a counter and visitors the concern was read. Well and, even they began to worry for me that I will be left with nothing. With regret pogladyvat in my party and anxiously smiled. It is a little more persistence and I - ha - ha! - the great computer genius, - received the Internet!
Be it in theater, the audience would give a standing ovation. But here then, in comfort, surrounded with admiration, seemed that got to ocean rolling. Walls shivered before eyes. Silhouettes slowly floated. In fog of consciousness flew - the tablet worked.
There was a wish to lay down though on a floor and to fall asleep right there on the place. Before me the open laptop, a suitcase, a bag and soon landing. It is impossible to fill up! Hardly overcoming braking and an obezdvizhennost, sat at a little table. Drank several cups of coffee and, hardly - hardly moving with legs, reached the chair. Also overslept a deathlike sleep all the time while the plane was in air.
No, further so cannot proceed. I was tired to resist, overcome flour which there is no end. So happens in a bad dream. You run, run from the persecutor. A moment, here - here you will be seized by feelers, and you wake up. But awakening does not give calm. Some time, can be even several days, recurs that infernal dream to the memory. You with shudder screw up the face from memoirs. You draw ominous pictures in imagination Power of imagination! As I could forget, here the ignoramus!
The imagination is capable to rush into any point of space and time, to enter there where nobody will get. Ability to think can destroy life or, on the contrary, thanks to this gift, any minute life blossoms from completeness of feelings and energy. The person creates the images and allegories capable to rescue him and to become good the Samaritan for himself.
I relaxed and began to dream that I am a part of a live immeasurable and huge organism. It is possible to call this macroorganism generally god, space, the Universe or the kind Samaritan. Who do I am there, in this mysterious design? Bacterium, microbe, bacillus? To me it became ridiculous when mentally presented itself spirilly. Somewhere read that it has the form spiralno of a wavy stick and lives in reservoirs and intestines of animals. Faugh, what muck! Brrr I Will be better than
a blood element which bears neurons on blood vessels. It is so similar to me. I am in the continuous movement and I get sick when I remain long on one place. Vividly presented itself in process, and it became cozier. Unless the organism a cage necessary to it can kill? He speaks to a cage OK, and the cage, of course, speaks OK.
Fingers were unclenched, and the tablet of sleeping pill fell to a floor. The fear released me! As if having received the message from above that everything is all right it is also possible to relax, our aircraft was obediently leveled.
Unusual ease in thoughts. Opened eyes. Looked around and was surprised that passengers did not show the type of any concern. Any panic, exclamations of horror. Someone serenely dozed, someone quietly talked. The others read newspapers and magazines, and the neigbour slept tight nearby, publishing the muffled whistle.
I began to doubt, - can, only I felt danger?
Soft landing. I under protection of terrestrial gravitation. It is possible to praise the onboard captain for travel and acquaintance to the kind Samaritan. The five with plus, the captain! Flight is successfully finished. The soul sings!