Whether it is worth calling a cat the Bastard and how to arrange his private life?
- Well, brought together a cat to the veterinarian?
- And what, he at you now in March does not shout?
- Shouts! Shouts: “ Where? Where they? Where? “
my wife was a cat - the fan, that is to madness adored cats and everything that is connected with them. All our apartment was covered with drawings and photos of cat`s beings. Therefore it is not surprising that in one of evenings it brought the mewing black lump with white socks on forward pads.
“ Such darling, truth? “ - the wife provorkovat and for all evening went to cares of the new family member. I, naturally, would prefer that she told me: “ My dear … Truth “ also went for all evening to cares of me, absolutely yet not the old family member. But, alas …
For the morning the wife declared that she will name the mewing lump Merzavchik. On the movement of my surprised eyebrow she explained that a kitten - the son of the domestic hooligan Obormot therefore everything is natural. “ Merzavchik, so Merzavchik “ - I sighed and finally understood that, judging by behavior of the wife, it is necessary to reckon with a kitten.
Merzavchik grew very active and capricious. Together with it also tension grew in my family. Neither the wife, nor I noticed how Merzavchik turned into the full-fledged Bastard, and the initial affection of the wife ceased a little. And what here surprising? Not only that the kitten categorically did not wish to use a special box with sand or to go outside, it grew at the house tyrant: gnawed shoes, tore thing claws in a case and made a set of other small dirty tricks, as if confirming a qualitative essence of the name. But my wife, probably, too loved cats and a lot of things forgave them.
When the kitten was six months old, he fell in love to catch flies, sitting at an open window. It it seemed to it a little, and it moved to an external galvanized window sill. Attempts to return it in the apartment were ineffectual: he hissed, beat off claws and strove to bite my hand. “ The hell with you “ - I thought and went about the own business. The cat on a window sill ceased to interest me.
In one of revivals I was picked on the house and occasionally glanced at the Bastard (the fourth floor everything is), and that excitedly tried to bring down a paw planiruyushche - the insects diving around it. My next look found the terrifying picture: the cat brought down - a fat green fly and she head over heels departed down. Without thinking twice, after it with a victorious myavk the Bastard rushed. I started on the street rescuing the sufferer`s remains.
At an entrance at this time four men, sitting on a shop, played dominoes. When near them the shouting cat with not developed parachute failed, they, having learned in Merzavchik`s beast, drew a conclusion that the owner, I, that is, am excessively cool character. Men met me by disapproving looks, and one dropped: “ You are easier with it - an animal … “.
I kept silent, raked up a cat in an armful and dragged him to the veterinarian. That examined the paws spread in the parties and eyes, dexterously felt joints of the victim of flight and declared that there are no damages. The doctor shifted paws together, and here did not begin to shift eyes, told that this temporary squint caused by the heat of passion. “ Itself will pass “ - the doctor told and as showed time, was not mistaken.
Having finally matured, still cross-eyed Bastard obtained a habit in the evening to vzdiratsya on a case on curtains, and in the night from pleasure to jump on us with the wife sleeping. Under ours it is frightened - abusive cries he was killed under a sofa and with the physiognomy rumpled by a mop disgustingly mewed till the morning, waiting until we leave for work. He mewed now round the clock, and only in a week we understood that at it time " came; to love “.
At that time it was not accepted to castrate cats and the wife as I understood, the eunuch would not arrange, he would lose a half of the cat`s charm. To love, so to love - not it the first, not he the last went crazy on spring. But how to make it in our case? The Bastard categorically did not wish to go outside - external environment wildly frightened a cat, and attempts to walk him always came to an end with panic cries and a vzdiraniye on the owner`s head, me, that is.
But in the next sleepless night I did not sustain March roulades, got through serenely sleeping wife, drove the Bastard into a shopping bag and came to the yard for searches of a cat who will be favorable to our house tyrant.
The cat instantly scented cat`s aromas through sounds and smells of the night street and risked to put out the head from a bag. So we went on the yard more than an hour and, at last, came across an ownerless cat. The bastard noticed it and right there jumped out of a bag. Now the street did not frighten him at all - the purpose was narcotic attractive.
A cat, probably, without wishing to have me in witnesses, gracefully went to badly lit part of the yard. After it the cross-eyed philanderer lewdly zatrusit, and I did not manage to come round as both of them disappeared in a huge heap of svezhevyrublenny akatsiyevy branches. And here I understood how I did a foolish think: love - love, but how to take intending spouses from prickly shelter upon termination of “ stora lavas “?
Having waited nearly half an hour and having noticed that business approaches morning, I did not sustain and began to call the house child, throwing cobble-stones in a prickly heap. After a while I heard low human voices and understood that the women going to work to morning shift through our yard changed a route and went to round.
I understood them: a little pleasant to pass early in the morning by the huge bald man throwing bricks on a lot of wood stuff and shouting gently - hysterical whisper: “ Bastard! Merzavchik!. Merzavushka!. Your mother! The cattle is damned! There will be you or not?! Boughs tribe! “.
But eventually, whether as a result of my brick aggression, whether naturally, the heap was slipped out by a cat, and the Bastard appeared then. I, admit, did not recognize the cat: from his squint there is no trace left also, and in a look was read: “ That will do! For today it is enough girls. Home and to sleep! “. The cat scrambled on my trousers and disappeared in a womb of a sports bag. It seemed to me that I clearly uslykhat silent self-satisfied snore.
… When I entered the apartment, the wife with silent rage squeezed out from herself: “ Where Bastard? Where you gadded all night long? “. God sees, I did everything that could, all night long, and on the rest of forces quietly mumbled: “ For today it is enough girls. Home and to sleep! “.
… It is necessary to recognize that our marriage all - held on some more years, and as for cats, I, in principle, love them, but I prefer to admire them or on a visit, or on the TV.
To you, dear friends, I wish to meet on a course of life only of adequate and civilized cats!