The senior child - opposition younger?
love it for several years longer. In private, tremblingly and gently.
The birth of the firstborn does adults by mothers and fathers. Power of the first love to “ to the successor “ for a while eclipses other feelings and thoughts, the whole world.
But for some reason when the child was the only thing, misses in his education were not so noticeable. As attentively you listened to councils of others as you carefully saved personal experience for “ following time “! Education of the senior is always a fruit of mistakes difficult, practical experience … and partly “ first " pancake;.
Your firstborn seems incredibly “ huge “ in comparison with the newborn. “ Well, and elephant calf! - you think. - Almost absolutely adult: so seriously reflects, helps instead of the father … “ But even most “ big “ the person likes to listen to stories how once he was a baby, to watch photos, video - plots, to glance in the past. Do not refuse this pleasure. Perhaps, tomorrow you together will turn over the children`s album, will make a collage from small mothers, the father and children - it seems guess where who? “ The Childhood of the first child comes to an end when is born following, “ - say in the people. Perhaps, it just moves to qualitatively other level?
With the birth of the kid the senior sharply takes some time " painfully; invasion “ on the territory. Its known role - the sufferer: continually asks again who is loved more, asks to kiss him as much time how many and the crying baby, attentively counting and “ weighing “ all portions of caress. Monitors observance of the rights and equalities in a family. Do not force it to help the kid - time of their friendship will come. Do not count on the senior children in education younger - it is your child, but not them... Voluntary care of the peanut has to be pleasant, to become a reason for pride.
Both that and other child for you remain, first of all, children - not big, but not small. You do not say aloud that your daughter “ ALREADY big, can do everything “. Actually it “ STILL small, it only 4 years! “ - quite so you would speak to friends if the senior child remained as before, the only thing. You still need in each other. At the same time both that, and another - your beloved children, let and with DIFFERENT qualities. Quite often problems are invented from scratch: we love the kid more, than loved once the firstborn or not? Forget about comparisons! Live here and now. Children cannot be loved equally is different people, it is vain to compare the moon and the sun, day and night.
Perhaps, the senior will want to stay a little on the place younger, to the same helpless: will ask for you milk, a carriage to drive … Then recognizes that this role is not favorable to it - so much still younger grow and raise to age of its opportunities (and, by the way, never to catch up!) . Of course, at first there is a lot of vanity, a disorganization, however the optimum mode, individual lifestyle will be developed over time.
The big child has a number of advantages: ice cream, independent viewing of animated films, the company while the kid only also knows that he hangs on mother and crools to the father. The senior gives OTHER pleasure - try to switch to its wave: to descend with it on a performance, to take a walk, have a heart-to-heart talk, to esteem …. And “ personal time “ in private with mother as happened “ before “ it is appreciated from now on doubly. Time flies quickly, and yesterday`s “ rivals “ amicably will turn you soon out that you did not stir them games.
Do not miss an opportunity to praise the senior, to emphasize his importance in the house, a family, a garden or school. Repeat that it “ the best, remarkable elder / younger brother for the sister “ … Marking out one before another, you remind once again as far as they “ are inconceivable “ the friend without friend. As far as they good, depends on them!
Do not perceive one child as the irritating factor for another: “ Again sticks with requests, distracts, awakes “ … Begin in work with yourself! Remember that your mood is transferred to children, they become isolated the friend on the friend. Be not afraid to speak about the feelings: if broke, aloud recognize a mistake - you learn to correct misses on the example. Emphasize that your emotions of a vremenna, and your love is constant stronger, however at present were dissatisfied with so and so …
Where to derive strength? Sometimes it seems that there is catastrophically not enough time. Try to combine occupations: for example, reading to one and feeding of another. At the same time you watch that the senior did not miss, not too “ came back to the childhood “. Yours “ mirror “ () will not be slow to reflect in behavior of the senior that how correct policy you pursue in the big family. Possible offenses will move to friends or a doll, and the love a hundredfold will return to you!
If at some moment seems to you that something you do not get on well at this life, then try to concentrate on what already is. Allow positive emotions to extend to everything that surrounds you. If “ are in love “ in a crumb, do not hide they are derive in this feeling strength for all good, for big fulfillments, for big love to other relatives.
If you are proud of achievements of the senior, then again and again tell younger, “ pull “ it after it. The close-knit family depends not on compatibility on zodiac signs and a one-cavity of children at all, and on wisdom and emotional steadiness of parents. Also you remember that “ time at the person usually is enough for everything that he wants to manage to make “.
Comment of the psychologist, Marina Zazhigina:
“ Mother who gave birth to the second child, involuntarily “ writes down “ the senior in Adult. Also begins, without realizing that, to wait from it for Understanding and the Help. And the senior instead begins to compete with small who needs mother and her attention more, than shatters all mother`s hopes though a little “ to facilitate “ to life.
Mother can not avoid also one more psychological “ traps “ - to oppose “ good “ small “ bad “ to the senior. Property of human mentality - to divide the world on black and white. However “ bad - good “ plays in this case against parents. As a result doubts begin: whether she loves the senior as well as younger and whether loves the senior in general... Stop to suspect yourself and the senior child of something bad, refuse oppositions, comparisons. Concentrate on the correct distribution of time between two offsprings, each of which needs attention and care “.