What is the theory of parental egoism for normal parents?
Each person a priori - the egoist. Building the destiny, creating character, making a family he thinks, first of all, of himself, favourite.
Is need for a world reorganization - goes to policy.
Likes to rule over human lives - in military.
Easily builds financial streams not without advantage for own purse - in financiers.
cannot but create the world the hands around - in engineers or builders.
Is a pity for people - in medicine.
Is abilities to see and create fine - in creativity.
Wants to be heard by crowds - in journalists.
But most of people has also something the general, irrespective of creative orientations - aspiration to have a family. And this aspiration egoism directs too (we will reject the ephemeral concept “ love “) - to create itself comfortable living conditions, to stand out in a wedding dress, not to be worse than others, to satisfy natural instincts, at last. Nobody marries in hope to assign to himself additional duties at rather disputable rights. The person assumes, as his new quality lives - family, has to amuse it with an ego, first of all.
We will consider the most indisputable option - creation of a family for understanding of the new opportunities, the wife, the daughter-in-law, mother. Seldom what girl in the childhood did not play dolls. Even the only child, without asking mother “ how? “ puts to bed a doll and sings lullabies. And the son, without being able to speak yet, authentically represents switching of speeds on the diesel. Means, it is put in genes. Therefore, and all other traits of character of the child are predetermined, and our participation in their development is very conditional?
If you do not suffer from a syndrome “ small child “ (when constantly there is a wish to have somebody in caps - baby`s undershirts, smelling of a milk), appearance of children just is a milestone of your biography, your evolution if you want. Along with education, career, self-improvement, travel. And education of the worthy person not less fascinating process, than participation in gamblings and, often, with the same unpredictable result thanks to the same genes. But in case of qualitative result causes not smaller pride, than purchase “ Chelsea “ or weeds a kosmoturist on ISS.
How to make so that process of creation of the Person not strongly spoiled life to creators? How to combine desire to live for itself and responsibility for new life? We in a family formulated the theory as “ theory of parental egoism “.
1. Children have to be, first of all, desired. At least, even their unplanned emergence categorically is not denied.
2. Children has to be at least two, with a difference of year in 2 - 4. The person can communicate with similar. And if it is not really interesting to you to be the only source of communication for the child - provide it the company. The age interval is caused besides by care and of mother (stair-steppers is too big loading, a minimum - three years), and children - too big age difference parts their interests.
3. It is impossible to allocate any of them in any parameter. The dignity of one has to be sent to the help to another, deprived of them. The daughter 6, had foreteeth. To the brother 3. At a table: “ Give you now eat my crust, and then at you zubik will drop out - I will eat yours “.
4. From the cradle to let know equality of all in a family. Slogan “ all best - to children “ to consider as provocation. To divide the only candy into equal parts taking into account even cats. Perhaps, then it is not necessary to wear daughter`s shoes or to eat up behind them a garnish with a meat smell.
5. Participation of children in adulthood - cleaning of the apartment, repair of the car, purchase of products, cultivation of a fire on picnic, landing of potato - will always be that part of action which can be charged to the child. With an obligatory praise on end and assurances that without its participation you had a rough time.
6. Consult on them. At any age. And sometimes follow their advice. Or explain - why in this case their option not the most successful. It accustoms to think of the child independently and to make decisions.
7. Force to do nothing violently. Argument “ I told! “ it is not perspective. The motivation is necessary. Even if from - under sticks he will make a bed and to brush teeth every day (and you feel a saw at this time - a hacksaw), then, having escaped from - under your guardianship, he will absolutely quietly turn a bed into a den, and will remember a toothbrush only at the sight of advertizing.
8. Trying to realize the unrealized dreams (to become the ballerina, the Olympic champion) in the child, you risk to earn cruel disappointment to yourself and an inferiority complex to the child. Give it the chance to try everything though on a month let will work everything that you can offer it. And maybe, he will be the ingenious designer of planes, and you prepared to play it 7 years on a piano. You learn a lot of new, trying to orient the child in a variety of the application of the forces and abilities. In a sign “ on children the nature has a rest “ something is, though there are genetic incidents. Declaring after years to the child what you refused to make of him a limit of your dreams, by all means you will hear: “ And I did not ask you! “.
9. Take the child with yourself in any company, in a trip, on exhibitions. He has to see your active life, your authority on a circle of your communication by own eyes. Then for it your authority will grow up considerably.
10. Remember that words you will not bring up, only own example. An apple from a yablonka as you remember. … If something is not pleasant to you in your child - look same most at yourself and - for certain you will find the relatives!
And if you are able to live interestingly, in a harmony with themselves and people around, are ready for a positive and happiness, then and the small suns near you will create a holiday mosaic every day, highlighting all your egoistical advantages. Adding you points in a vital lottery.
Big to you parental happiness!