Where memory of the childhood leaves? (Notes about education)
there is a beautiful legend: as if at the birth to the child the angel arrives and touches by a finger of his lips. After that the baby forgets everything that was with him in antecedents. It seems to me that the case of amnesia happens at many people once again: when they become parents. Arrives, or comes, knocking hoofs, someone also thrashes with all the dope on the head. After that the adult forgets that he once was a child. I do not find
of Other explanation … How it is possible to forget?!
That, for example, intimidation - a formation method from the neurotic`s child:
- you Will shout - I will give to the uncle!
- Here now will get out a crocodile and will eat you!
- Get down from a hill now! You will fall and will break to yourself a backbone!
Frighten by militia, hospital, mixed up with the Baba-yaga and a wolf, are promised to close houses and to throw on the street … People, you yourself - that hear? Remember how in the childhood woke up in cold sweat, with without restraint the beating heart from horror which just came in dream? All children dream nightmares. They come from real life, from threats and misunderstanding of the device of this world. And how were afraid that you will be thrown, will leave, will lose? And how it was terrible to fall into disgrace to the dearest person on light which loss of love is similar to death? For the child any fear is a fear of death. In transfer to children`s all threats sound so:
- do not go - you will die!
- do not play pranks - you will die!
- do not shout - you will die!
- you Will be bad - you will die!
you threaten with death to your children. An effective way of education, you will tell nothing …
As can forget pleasure of possession?! All the same what, the main thing that it - mine. A doll with the come unstuck hair, a box with candy wrappers, ringlets, castors, stones, ribbons, traffic jams, jars from cream … Wealth which disappears suddenly after clear-out. And inspire in you that it is garbage, and there is nothing to roar, and in general, it is time to be engaged in study. Or still option - disappeared! With the brother, which on a visit, with the neighbour`s little girl, which in a sandbox, with the snotty kid to whom did not take a toy in the train. But you will not share - the greedy person! You what, you do not remember how the moral contradiction tore apart you to be good and own unwillingness to give the? And now, being an adult, you actually consider that it is so possible to cultivate generosity?
As it is possible to forget injustice of adult truth, all numerous “ it is necessary “ “ has to “ and “ it is obliged “?
“ Seniors should be respected “ - and this grandma from the next entrance who knocked a stick a stray dog and the small dog long ran down the street, desperately squealing?!
“ You have to obey parents “ - even when to you forbid to be on friendly terms with the best friend, explaining that he “ from a bad family “?
“ In the room always there has to be an order “ - and if business (drawing, model, the lock, a dress for a doll) is not finished yet, and the necessary leaflets, threads, jars lie around, and these obrezochka are very necessary too?
“ In theater it is impossible to walk in trousers! “ - and we went in a thirty-degree frost through all city, pulling coat hems on the frozen knees …
As can forget bitterness of punishment?
- you will not go for a walk!
- you will not receive anything on birthday!
- In a corner!
- Go out!
- the Diary on a table!
If to Themis put children`s offenses and adult punishments on bowls of scales, then she would have a scoliosis . The childhood cannot be perfect: to walk in couples in white golfika, it is correct to speak by a quiet voice, not to interrupt, play and to put for itself toys. Remember, I beg, you ran, both were soiled, and shouted and when the age came - even told abusive words and told indecent jokes, and in a table did not clean up of own will. Not each child who badly studies at school becomes the recidivist and the maniac. Also you should not trust prophecies of teachers: Will grow from it …! (To me in general it seems that those who were hit on the head especially strongly become teachers. Not everything, of course, is healthy exceptions).
Why we trust more childless Nadezhda Konstantinovna and overseas doctor Spock, than own memoirs and feelings?
Except a carrot and stick there is a mass of ways of interaction and influence on the child. It is possible to tell and ask questions, for example. It is possible to ask his opinion and to reckon with it. It is possible to try to rise on its place and to understand the reason. It is possible to recognize that adults are not right (and even fools meet sometimes). It is possible to love and protect the child, as if the whole world was not up in arms against him. If not you who will protect it?
“ Well-wishers “ go on: “ You Will cry at ease! Will mount upon a neck! Will not be considered! Will grow the egoist! “ etc. I to the teacher: “ I Want that it was interesting to study “. It to me: “ It is necessary to Force and to demand “. The Babylon tragedy - misunderstanding. Time will tell.
So far I am happy with results of the education. And with the memory it is happy too.
of the Child it is possible to force to be obedient, all pleasant, to cultivate in it politeness and responsibility (to read: “ fearfulness “). But it is impossible to force it to be happy. What it is more important for you?
Speak, memory comes back. Even in the most hopeless cases. Especially memory of the Childhood.