What role is played by rituals in life of the kid?
From the letter: “ To my son year with small. Generally I - so far the housewife. Without child I leave the house seldom, few times in a week. Maximum time of absence 3 - 4 hours. When I left, the kid usually began to cry. But in the last several weeks he begins to complain, once I give a hand to a jacket. And it occurs even if I put on to go together with it. After my leaving he quickly calms down. In my absence with the grandmother or the father he behaves usually well: vigorous, friendly, cheerful, laughs much. It is somehow abnormal
? How to me to make that my absences did not injure it? I feel that I begin to worry strongly about it.
At one-year-old children peculiar and specific relations with time and surrounding objects. Objects and people are not something steady and stable in perception of the child. Within the first year children live by the principle “ out of sight, out of mind “; if they do not see something, then there is no it, - for them, of course. So, the baby right there loses interest in the toy covered with a blanket even if continues to hold it in hand.
As for time, the one-year-old child is not able to comprehend yet how many - nibud a long period. Therefore if mother leaves, then leaves for good. The child does not know whether the closest will return to him the person. Therefore so endures even short-term absences of mother. Having become a little more senior (on average it occurs to one and a half - two years), the child will be approved in “ constancy “ mothers will also endure much less.
To create at the child feeling of stability of the relations, traditional character of events, such form of relationship as rituals well approaches.
If your communication with the child is not saturated rituals, try to make it. Let for many habitual actions the traditions will appear: for a greeting, for farewell, for withdrawal to a dream. (RITUAL (from armor. ritualis - ceremonial), a type of a ceremony, historically developed form of difficult symbolical behavior, the ordered system of actions (including speech); expresses a certain social and cultural relationship, values.)
In our case ritual - the verified sequence arranging both the children, and mother of actions allowing to lead without serious consequences to desirable result.
Think what your actions could calm the child, adjust him on your leaving. For example, before leaving you put the child on a window sill (children one-year-old and more senior, very much love it), talk to it about what is behind a window. You show to what party you are going to go from what party you will come back, you say that very much you love and you leave.
Ritual can be any set of actions which it would be pleasant to you to repeat together with the child before each your leaving.
1. To turn round and round with the child in a hall, to throw up and to kiss on a nose then to begin to gather. Explaining during ritual performance where and why you leave and why it is necessary for you.
2. Together to make round of all apartment. It can be accompanied with discussion of what you will do together after your return, for example, “ … and when I will return, we with you will collect a pyramid with the clown … “. It is also possible to discuss what the child should make during your absence, at the same time highlighting that put much, and time at it has not enough, he should hurry to manage to put cubes in a box, to put machines in garage, to put books on a shelf.
3. To think up (or to take already available) game. For example, game “ Wall, wall, ceiling “ here it would be very pertinent. Rules it are very simple: words are followed by touches. “ Wall “ - gently we touch by a finger of a children`s cheek, “ wall “ - a touch to other cheek, “ ceiling “ - the finger touches a forehead, “ two steps “ - we touch a chin and a lower lip of the child, “ dzin! - call “ - slightly we press a nose. “ To Call “ in a nose it is possible with words: “ I will come too soon and I will also call a call “. The child can undertake an initiative in this ritual game soon and suggest to touch, for example, not with a finger the person, and to kiss. Or will want to hold this game with you. Be ready to it.
4. All there will be enough imagination for. Define
, than pleasant you would like to be engaged with the child before withdrawal from the house. Perhaps, the child begins to be capricious not concerning your direct leaving, and only feeling your own tension... Then it is worth thinking that most often the child is cheerful and quiet when mother stays in the same state.